Gutterflower
by Lady Yami Bakura
Summary: CH.12! After a fight with his yami, Ryou is trying to make it on his own, but not everything is as wonderful as it appears. Can Yami Bakura save him in time? BxR, suicidal references, swearing
1. Big Machine

This one hit me like a ten ton weight while I listening to the CD Gutterflower by the Goo Goo Dolls, okay so I'm obsessed with the Goo Goo Dolls and adore their music, it makes me think about myself, at least a lot of their songs remind me of me. IMO, Gutterflower is the one of the best albums they've put out, it's right next to a Boy Named Goo. I listen to it so much I'm just waiting for the CD to crack or warp or something.   
  
Anyway, I was listening to it while on a road trip a few weeks ago and I started thinking, gee… this would make a great story with Ryou and Bakura (because of it's semi-suicidal, finding yourself content). Besides, to anyone has listened to the CD, don't ya think Ryou makes a good Gutterflower?: ) So, I decided to write a song fic with not just one song, but all 12 tracks on Gutterflower, one chapter for each song. And for those who don't like song fic's, well it's a good story anyway.   
  
A summery: Ryou is trying to make it on his own, but not everything is as wonderful as it appears. Can Yami Bakura save him in time? Yaoi, suicidal references, and swearing. The rating may have to be changed, just warning you. And let's just pretend the Goo Goo Dolls never existed, just for the sake of the story. I'm also working on another fic right now, The Darkest Souls, so this is just an experiment, if everyone like it's and wants me to continue, I will, if not, I'll leave it. So please Read and Review!  
  
Bakura: You know you abuse the privilege of having us as muses.  
LYB: Ryou doesn't mind, do you hikari?  
Ryou: ^___^ Nope! I get a fic about me!  
Bakura: *Grumbles*  
LYB: Cyris, would you do the honours?  
Cyris: Sure,   
Disclaimer: Lady Yami Bakura doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Warner Bros. Inc. Records, Virgin Music Inc., Six Asprin AM music, Corner of Clark and Kent Music or the band Goo Goo Dolls. Did I get it all?  
LYB: I think so. On to the story.  
  
*song lyrics*  
  
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Gutterflower  
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Chap. 1: The Big Machine  
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Time had lost a lot of meaning for Ryou, he didn't even know how long it had been since he had first received the millennium ring. A lot had changed but a lot was still the same. He struck another chord on his acoustic guitar, he had an idea for a song but he didn't have the courage to write the words he was thinking of; his Yami would probably kill him. He wasn't sure what he would say anyway, something along the lines of do you even care what happens to me? The notes were coming freely from his fingers as he picked out a melody of pain that he felt. Music had become a release for him, no one could take away his music and he didn't have to make up any insane lies to cover it up like he tried to cover the scars on his wrists. After he had gotten his guitar about 8 months ago he had stopped cutting himself, hearing the music flow from his soul was better then seeing the blood flow from his skin. It was equally as soothing but one required much more secrecy. Besides everyone loved his music, no one ever thought the things he wrote had any truth, it was creativity.  
  
Ryou looked at the clock, it was going for 3am, and he was still up waiting for Bakura to come home. He wondered why. Then he heard the front door click and footsteps coming up the stairs. Ryou hit another rift of chords, a signal that he was still awake. His Yami entered the bedroom but completely ignored him, walking right for the TV, taking off his jacket and throwing it lazily on the back of a chair before sitting and turning on the tube. "Where have you been?" Ryou asked, pretending to distracted by tuning the B string on his guitar.  
  
"None of your business, woman." Bakura snapped.  
  
Ryou knew very well where his Yami had been, raising hell on the other side of town yet again. "You've been out with Malik, haven't you?"  
  
"What do you care?" The Yami hissed. "Now would you stop wailing on that thing, I'm trying to watch television!"  
  
*Ecstasy is all you need  
Living in the big machine,   
Now;  
Oh your so vain…*  
  
"I'm just…" Ryou paused then sighed, "Never mind, just forget it." He felt a dull ache in his heart. No matter what he tried to do, nothing ever changed. His Yami ran wild over Domino City and if he tried to stop him, he wound up nursing bruises for a week. As far as he could tell, Bakura didn't give a damn about anyone but himself. Ryou wondered why his dark counterpart had no faith in the world, he knew that the ancient fiend had deeper secrets. That was worst then being randomly struck across the face, knowing that he cared about is yami, more then anything in the world, but his yami treated him like he was nothing.  
  
*Now your world is way to fast  
Nothing's real and nothing lasts  
And I'm aware,  
I'm in love but you don't care.*  
  
But Ryou had been patient. To the point of being hopelessly depressed. For whatever reason, the cruel fiend took him to bed as he pleased but the next morning, it was like nothing had happened. Ryou sighed deeply inside himself, that's all he was to Bakura wasn't it? Just something to take out any and all his frustration on. Kill pain with pleasure. This was getting no where, Ryou didn't care about the pleasure at all, he just wanted not to be alone. He'd always been alone, his parents obviously didn't care, he hadn't seen them in months. He'd silently keep waiting for Bakura to put some faith and honesty in him.  
  
*Turn your anger into lust;  
I'm still here but you don't trust at all…  
And I,  
I'll be waiting…*  
  
Ryou hit another chord haphazardly. "Will you stop!!" Bakura demanded.   
  
"Oh, sorry Yami." Ryou said softly, then put his guitar carefully back in it's case. "I was just getting read for the show tomorrow."  
  
"Your such an idiot." Bakura said sourly, "You really think that stupid band of yours will get anywhere?"  
  
Ryou turned away slightly, feeling a bitter loneliness come up in him, he loved his music. "It's just a bit of fun." he replied in his soft tone. "The people at the club like it."  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes. "I'm sure."  
  
"You've never even heard us play." Ryou said, the bitter anger rising in him.   
  
"Lucky for me I guess." Bakura smirked, changing the channel. Ryou turned a hurt glare on his dark double, his music was his life, without it, he had little reason to live. In fact even with his music he hated being alive, what was the point? He yami was to cynical and black-hearted to even care. The pain seem to snap.  
  
*Love and sex and loneliness,  
Take what's yours and leave the rest  
So I'll survive…  
God it's good to be alive.*  
  
"What do you care anyway?!" Ryou half-shouted, "You just like playing games with my head! I've tried being patient with you but I swear to God, I've had it up to here! One minute your sweet and loving, the next your kicking me in the ribs or running off with Malik somewhere!" Bakura stared at the white haired boy, stunned. "I know your suffering from something! I can feel it dragging you down, you keep getting worst!   
  
*I'm torn in pieces,  
I'm blind and waiting for…  
My heart is reeling,  
I'm blind and waiting for you……*  
  
"You've totally lost it since Malik's yami showed up and then was banished! I've had it!" Ryou could feel tears stinging his eyes. He felt like he was tearing down apart of himself, where did this anger suddenly come from. But it was true, when it came down to it, Ryou was still waiting for Bakura to drop his angry, bitter façade.  
  
*Still in love with all your sins.  
Where you stop and I begin?  
And I;  
I'll be waiting…*  
  
"What the hell is your problem tonight!?" Bakura shouted, rising from his chair and leering at his lighter side. "Where the fuck did that come from!?"   
  
Ryou could feel his heart turn over, it was like someone had pressed a red hot poker into his very soul. He could feel it smouldering, the same feeling, anger, disappointment, rejection, it was there everyday. It was unbearable. He looked up at the gorgeous fiend, who had his fists clenched and his eyes narrowed in frustrated rage. Ryou looked back at his feet, he couldn't look the darker boy in the eyes, it made him remember the precious moments when they were curled up in bed together, when there was no anger or animosity between them. Or to be more specific, in him.   
  
*Living like a house on fire,  
What you fear is your desire  
It's hard to deal,  
I still love the way you feel.*  
  
Ryou finally responded in a calmer voice, but inside he was raging, helplessly overwhelmed in the malevolence of his whole life. "It's not my problem, it's yours. Why are you so afraid of having me close to you? I've never done anything to hurt you, and still your afraid of treating me like I'm a person. You refuse to talk to me, instead you just run off by yourself till all hours of the night. What have I ever done but sit here and take whatever you throw at me quietly, no protesting or fighting back? I'm not the one you should be afraid of, maybe you should be afraid of yourself."  
  
*Now this angry little girl,   
Is drowning in this petty world   
And oh,  
Who do you run to?*  
  
Bakura glared "Deal with Baka." he hissed at the boy. "That's me. You don't like it? Tough luck. I'll deal with my problems how I want to, it's none of your concern. I don't mess in your personal life, but mess with mine."  
  
Ryou looked at him again, his heart pounded, he loved the dark spirit every part of him, that I don't need anyone but myself attitude was what made him who he was; made him beautiful? Yes, loving? No. Even after Ryou's emotional outburst, he was still unmoved. Bakura was firm in who he was, everything or nothing at all, unlike Ryou who found it hard just to be himself. Ryou felt tears coming to his eyes again, his yami was all he had, but loving him was pointless. There was no love in him, so it seemed, and this was killing him, Ryou wanted to get free of the pain. He didn't need the love that wasn't there, he could move on.  
  
*Swallow all you bitter pills,  
That's what makes you beautiful   
Your all or not…  
I don't need what you ain't got.*  
  
"Fine have it your way." Ryou said, rising from the bed and wiping his eyes.  
  
"Where are you going?" Bakura asked, watching Ryou grab his guitar case and shove some clothes into a back pack.   
  
"What do you care?" Ryou hissed threw clenched teeth, "You don't mess in my personal life remember?"   
  
A strange expression appeared on Bakura's face, one Ryou had never seen before. "Aibou, please just…"  
  
"Please what!" Ryou snapped, "Don't give me any of your dense lies, you couldn't make me stay if I wanted too."  
  
"Where are you going to go?" Bakura yelled, slamming his fist down on the near by desk. "You belong here."  
  
"Here?" Ryou muttered, putting down the pack and looking his darker right in the eyes, "Where's here? Where I belong, because it's certainly not this place anymore, maybe it was, but I think somehow it's gone somewhere else." He slung the pack on to his back and grabbed his guitar, walking out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. He followed the same process with the front door and ran out into the pouring rain and down the street. Behind him he could hear the front open and his yami call after him, but he ignored it. Tears flowed from his eyes and over his cheeks, mixing with the heavy rain and blurring his vision. His head and heart ached, he couldn't think straight, all he knew was that his emotions were to much and all mixed together in one confusing, swirling mass.   
  
  
*I'm torn in pieces,  
I'm blind and waiting for…  
My heart is reeling,  
I'm blind and waiting for you……  
  
I'm blind and waiting for you,  
  
I'm blind and waiting for you…*  
  
He was in love and he wasn't, he was angry and he wasn't; terrified he was running and happy to be gone. He couldn't believe it had come to this. What the hell did he feel at all? Misery, a hate for life, a hate for love.  
  
*Now I can't believe it's coming true.  
God, It's good to be alive and I'm still here  
Waiting for you…  
And I can't believe it's coming true.  
I'm blind and waiting for you………  
  
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Bakura: Ryou!! NO!!!  
LYB: To bad for you.  
Bakura: You're the authoress, help me out here!  
LYB: You'll have to get him back on your own.  
Bakura: *Sobs* But he'll listen to you!  
Cyris: O_oU;;; There's nothing worst then a crying Yami.  
LYB: Um, there, there big brother. Please read and review and tell me if you want to me to continue! 


	2. Think About Me

Well, I'm back and continuing the story, Thanks to all my reviewers: TwilightHunter, icyblue, Mercuria, JadaFlame, Rocket Knight CJ, jade-tiger, Shadow Spirit, Helteage, Ginny, Manda-Chan. This is for you guys ;). So here goes, track 2 on Gutterflower is Think About Me…  
  
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Think About Me  
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Bakura watched the boy vanish into the night, but stood out in the rain for a long time staring after him, as if he might reappear. But it was apparent Ryou wasn't coming back. Bakura stepped inside and shut the door slowly, confused. What had just happened. He'd never seen Ryou have such a flare of anger, was that what his aibou really felt. Well who the hell would know with that boy, he was so reclusive. He had a habit of letting things go to easily, Bakura always called him weak. Then he would always lose himself in the world of music, the boy was obsessed with music. The reality of the music business was that it wasn't all glamour, Bakura understood that, he wished his hikari would too.  
  
*You take a lot of chances with your feelings,  
No one really knows what you feel.  
And fiction is the only way your dealing,  
You turn your pretty head if it gets real.*  
  
The white haired yami sighed within himself, he was worried, what if he never came back. Well of course he'd come back, he was patient and forgiving. He wondered why the boy had never said anything before, about waiting, about what he felt. He could have just decked the boy right in the jaw, that would change his mind fast, but no he just had to be weak and use words instead. The dark yami tried but could shake the feeling, Ryou was right, he'd been so obedient, so patient and mild but all he did was ignore him.   
  
*Oh you… you take it so slowly.  
And your eyes…Look so lonely.  
But it's only,  
When you think about me.  
Oh yeah,  
When you think about me.  
Think about me.*  
  
Wait, that wasn't true at all. He did pay attention to Ryou, he did care, he'd just never show it. No, love was a weakness, he'd learned that lesson all to well. It ruins people, it had ruined him. He lay down on Ryou's bed, they had spent many nights together in this bed and it was comforting to him now. He closed his eyes. He didn't want to go into his soul room, considering the ring was with Ryou, that probably wouldn't work out to well. He felt worry come over him once more, what if the boy tried to do something stupid again? Like cut open his wrists. Ryou had tried it before, only Bakura had found him laying on the bedroom floor, the carpet soaked in red. Neither had spoken about the incident afterward, it was silent secret. He hoped to whatever Gods there were that the suicidal nature wasn't in him now. His hikari was so lost within himself at times, it was like he was afraid to be himself. Bakura growled at his inability to relax, he was thinking to much.   
  
*And I got a head don't let me sleep.  
You got a secret I can't keep.  
You see a little stranger in your mirror;  
The boy you never knew is what you fear.*  
  
Still, this night had shaken Bakura more then he wanted to admit, Ryou never spoke like that, it was so unlike him. Ryou had usually been afraid to say what was on his mind. Afraid? The boy was afraid of him, of his own yami? Bakura rolled over restlessly, well he'd never given the boy any reason to like him. The white haired ancient gave a soft whimper, it hurt, right in his chest, he'd made the boy afraid of him, turn against him. His eyes burned, he couldn't recall this feeling before, what did it mean when your eyes burned? He touched his cheek and found it was wet. He sat up, was he crying? Crying over what?! The boy, surly not. "You don't love him, you don't love him." Bakura whispered to himself, pulling his knees to his chest. "You do love him." he said softly before pressing his face into his hands. "Why else would you melt when he smiles? And tremble when you feel him against you? Why fear for his life and for his sanity? Why else would you take him into your bed, even after everything that you've been through? God Damn it!" He turned quickly from his seated position and punched the wall, leaving an imprinted hole and his knuckles marred. He cursed slightly in Arabic when he felt the pain, but over all it felt good to put his frustration into something else. "And now your talking to yourself, that's great Bakura, the first step towards insanity."  
  
He settled down into the bed again, pulling the covers around him this time. He knew he'd shut the boy out, but what choice did he have? It was ironic, earlier that evening just before he'd come home he was sitting at a coffee shop with Malik talking about just that:  
  
"How do you keep so calm?" he'd asked the handsome Egyptian. "How come it doesn't bother you?" Malik looked up, his face so calm, his violet eyes alive with a new life since his yami was gone.   
  
"You think I don't suffer?" Malik said in his serious tone, "That I just simply got over everything that happened to me, I beg your pardon but I'll never get it over it. My fathers murder alone is something that's still hard to accept, I hated the pharaoh with a unbridled passion for years and went as far as to let a dark force consume and ruin me to destroy him; then that force is ripped from me, and I'm told it was my own hand that did it? The lies I was told, the anger I felt, the things that creature did to me and the people I love, I'll never get over it. But I deal with it. I have people who help me, I have Yugi, Mai, much to my surprise even the pharaoh and Seto have offered a hand and the rest of the group as well, even your little Ryou. I mean, for the love of Ra, look at you, sitting across from me every night at this café and talking about it. Even better is my sister, I can't think of anyone else I hurt more then Isis, but she still came running when I asked for her and she's been by my side ever since. If you would stop being so stubborn and talk to Ryou, I'm sure he can help. You love him, and I'm positive he loves you, don't be so blind as to let him get away because your hurting inside."  
  
It was probably the most he'd ever heard Malik say in his life, but he had to admit he was glad that Malik was relatively back to being a normal 16 year old. Well, a normal 16 year old who acted much older. Then again Malik had been forced to grow up very fast, the end result being an introverted, head-strong, slightly picky but caring teen, who had a knack for figuring people out. Though, he still liked the night life, drank on certain occasions and even played guitar for that band Ryou was in. One of his favourites was to grab Bakura and go club hopping, they both certainly looked older enough to get in, and they both enjoyed each others dark broody nature, in a affable way of course. It was nice to know you weren't the only one to feel that way, to have someone who suffered through the same things as you.   
  
But Ryou… Bakura buried his face into a pillow and laughed to himself, he couldn't for the life of him figure that boy out. So patient and at the same time so anxious. He could see it so plain in his aibou's eyes, the loneliness he felt. He'd pushed the boy so far away from him, he wasn't sure if it was possible to get him back.  
  
*Oh you…you take it so slowly.  
And your eyes… look so lonely.  
But it's only,  
When you think about me.  
Oh yeah,  
When you think about me.  
Think about me.*  
  
He knew what Ryou wanted from him, he wanted him to be supportive and loving. To be open, honest, to not just be lovers once in awhile but to have a sincere relationship. That's all the boy had ever wanted, someone to love. Not just anyone, he wanted his darker. Bakura certainly wasn't blind to it, but he was none of those things, he couldn't give him that, it just wasn't who he was and it broke his heart. He'd lost that part of himself somewhere.  
  
*And all you want,  
Is something I can't be…  
And all you want from me  
Is what you need…*  
  
Morning pressed against Bakura's eyes, biding him to wake up and face the day. So he got up and closed the curtain then went back to bed. He slept most of the day, between bouts of thing. Finally he dragged himself out of bed around 5 pm. He'd have to go and talk to Ryou, tell him the truth about why he was always gone and why he was so distant. If he could swallow his pride for that long. Ryou had said something about the band playing tonight at the club, he could just go and talk to him there. That would mean Malik would be there too, playing guitar, good, at least he wouldn't feel like he was there alone to speak with his hikari. Bakura hissed to himself again, stripping of his clothes and getting into the shower, not wanting to go alone, Gods he hated feeling so weak and foolish. He had no idea what he'd say, or even what he felt, but first things first, he'd have to convince Ryou that there was still hope, or at least convince him to come home. He just hoped that it was to late.  
  
*And I'm saying, now you,  
You take it so slowly.  
And your eyes…  
Look so lonely.  
Now it's only …  
(it's only)  
About me…  
When you think about me.  
Oh yeah…  
When you think about me.  
Think about me…  
When you think about me…*  
  
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Bakura: Yay!! I'm going to get Ryou back!  
LYB, Cyris and Malik: O_o U  
Bakura: What?  
LYB: Sorry, you just looked kinda fun, you know, a 5000 year old tomb robber dancing with happiness…  
Bakura: Oh shut-up! At least I'm going to see my aibou again.  
LYB: You didn't think it would be that simple did you, I still have another 10 tracks to go through!  
Bakura: Ah damn. So what's going to happen?  
LYB: To the club and find out.  
Bakura: *Shrugs and leaves*  
Ryou: *creeps in* Is HE gone?  
LYB: Your not still mad are you hikari?  
Ryou: Not so much mad as I am soaking wet! Where do I go to if I can't go home?  
LYB: *evil grins as an idea forms in her tiny head*  
Cyris: *notices the smile* This isn't good. The mistress has a new idea.  
LYB: Run along to Yugi's house Ryou, I'll meet you there for chapter 3  
Ryou: *brightly* Okay! *runs off*  
Malik: So how come I turned up in this?  
LYB: Because I think there are far to few stories with you and Isis in them.   
Malik: Is that why your writing Darkest Souls?  
LYB: ^_^ Partly.  
Everyone except LYB: *anime face falls*  
LYB: Anyway, Read and Review if you think I should continue this fic! 


	3. Here is Gone

Hello!! Thanks for all the reviews! Wow!! I know my grammar and spelling are awful, please bare with me. Someday (if I ever get time) I'll get someone to edit this and I'll fix them. So Gomennasa once again! (Oh and forgive me if my Japanese is a bit off in this too!)  
  
_Stressed words_  
  
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Here Is Gone  
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Yugi sat on the couch of the living room, absently watching TV. Ryou hadn't come out of the bedroom all day, just sat there, playing his guitar and making notes on a few scraps of paper. He'd shown up on the doorstep the night before at about 4 am a total mess: soaked to the bone from rain, eyes red from crying and shaking like a leaf. Of course he didn't turn him away, he put an arm around the white haired boys waist and lead him inside and up to his room. He made sure Ryou had gotten out of his wet clothes and dried off before making lay down in his bed. Yugi had planned to just sleep on the couch, but Ryou had started to sobbed and Yugi didn't dare leave him alone in so much pain. So he climbed in beside the shaking boy and wrapped his arms around him, telling him gently that it was okay, he didn't have to worry now, he was safe.   
  
Ryou didn't have to explain what had happened, Yugi could guess pretty well from the random incoherent phrases that escaped the youths lips. Apparently he and his yami had fought about something and Ryou had had enough and left. He was now uncertain what to do. Yugi told him to just sleep for now and they would talk about it tomorrow. That was it, the white haired boy curled up in Yugi's arms and drifted off.  
  
Yugi had already decided to let Ryou stay as long as he liked. Though, it made Yugi feel sort of selfish that he wanted to keep Ryou all to himself. He loved Ryou, he had since the first time he set eyes on the white haired boy when he walked into their class. No, the decision had to be Ryou's, no one else's.  
  
"Keeping him here isn't a good idea." A voice told Yugi, Yugi looked up to see Yami standing there. "This is between Ryou and his yami, you shouldn't interfere."  
  
"I'm not interfering." Yugi sighed, "I'm just helping out a friend how happened to need a place to stay."   
  
"It's no mystery you like him." Yami said, crossing his arms. "You've told me so."  
  
"I know, but, just let him get his bearings okay? Why are you so snappy anyway?"  
  
Yami sighed and his face seemed sad, Yugi watched him expectantly. "No reason, just… forget it."   
  
Yugi sighed within himself in disappointment, then shrugged. "Whatever. Oh by the way, have you seen the package Kali gave me last night?" Yami's face went dark with disgust.  
  
"You left it upstairs in the dresser drawer."  
  
"Thanks." Yugi stood up. Then he heard footsteps on the stairs, both Yami and Yugi looked up, Ryou was coming down, a bunch of papers in his hand. "How are you feeling, Ryou-chan?"  
  
"Better." The white haired boy answered with a slight smile, approaching Yugi. "Thanks for letting me stay."   
  
"It's not a problem, you know your welcome here anytime."   
  
"Domo Arigatou, Yugi." Ryou smiled and hugged his friend. Yugi felt his heart flutter and wrapped his arms around the boy.   
  
"Douitashimashite, Ryou."  
  
"Oh, by the way," Ryou said, stepping away. "You said we needed a new song to perform tonight. Here I have one." Held out the papers to Yugi. Yugi took them and looked them over.  
  
"It seems easy enough." Yugi said looking at the chords and shaping them with his fingers "I could strum this easily. Malik may flinch at these riffs but I'm sure he can pluck them out on his lead guitar. You have a talent for guitar, you should play on stage"   
  
Ryou just smiled, "No, I sing, you know that."   
  
"Are there words to this?" Yugi asked. Ryou hesitated then nodded, he took a piece of folded paper from his pocket. "Just made them up?"  
  
"Right off the top of my head." Ryou said, putting the paper back, "Pure thought, no double checking or looking back and fixing them, just straight thoughts. You better call the rest of the band so we can practice it before the show, and before I lose the will to sing it."  
  
~8~@ ~8~@ ~8~@  
  
Yami Bakura looked at his watch, he was almost right on time, 10 pm. They should start to play at any minute. He walked up to the club door, the bouncer looked him over then let him pass without a word. That was good because chances are if he didn't let him in Bakura would have kicked his ass ten ways from Tuesday.   
  
Night clubs had always fascinated Bakura, this one was no exception. Tables were set up along the edge of the dance floor. At the end of the small club was a stage area and along the opposite end was the bar. He liked the darkness and neon spot lights. He glanced around, up on the stage the band was just finishing up a sound check. Joey tapped his cymbals a few times till he got the feel for they and Yugi was standing next to an amplifier, tuning up his guitar. Mai was doing the same to her bass guitar. He scanned the place but couldn't find Ryou. His eyes fell on Malik who was off to the side, looking at a piece of paper and absorbed in plucking out something complex on his lead guitar. The Egyptian raised his head and caught sight of Bakura and gave him a nodded. "Ryou?" Bakura mouthed to him, Malik looked around, then pointed towards a table in the shadow of the stage. Bakura gave a quick nod of thanks. There he was, sitting at the booth with The Pharaoh, Isis, Tristan and Tea.   
  
Bakura sat down at a table relatively off to the side, then he got the sensation someone was watching him. Glancing up, he saw that Yami Yugi had noticed his arrival. The ancient gave him a curious look then leaned toward Ryou and whispered something to him. Ryou glanced at Bakura, the youth's eyes became dark and angry. Bakura felt himself shudder under the cold gaze.   
  
Ryou stood up and walked to the stage, jumping up on to the platform, his face still fixed in some type of a cold emotion Bakura couldn't place. Ryou grabbed a microphone and looked intent on setting it up while Malik finally got up and stood at his own microphone.  
  
"Good evening… again." The sandy haired boy said into the microphone, adjusting his guitar strap like the all the attention suddenly fixed on his didn't even phase him. Well that was Malik for you. "As if you didn't already know, we're the band Stardust Goddess, don't ask how we got the name, I'm not sure myself. In any case, I suppose you can consider me your MC, because no one else up here has the courage to speak to a crowd." This earned more then a few giggles from the audience and a few glares from his fellow band members; even Yami seemed amused by the comment. Malik shrugged and smiled, "Okay, so I may as well introduce us. Over there on rhythm guitar is Yugi Moto," Yugi waved, there was a round of applause and a few cheers. "And our stunningly beautiful bassist is Mai Valentine." Mai smiled sweetly and winked, there was clapping and a few cat calls, which seemed to please her. "Over on drums is Joey Wheeler." Joey held up his arms as if he had just won a marathon. Bakura rolled his eyes, but none the less, more then a few girls cheered their delight. "And our angel-voiced singer-songwriter is Ryou Bakura." Girls started cheering again, and Bakura felt somewhat jealous. "And me? I'm lead guitarist Malik Ishtar." More girls. "Hey I'm adored!" Malik beamed. Girls started screaming with joy at his acknowledgement, Malik let his eyes fall on the corner table where the rest of the group sat, "Sorry girls, I already see the one I'm taking home tonight. Sitting right there with the black hair and blue eyes, Gods is she a looker." Yami Yugi, Tristan and Tea cracked up laughing, Isis looked like she was ready to die. Bakura had to crack a smile. "Sorry I couldn't resist Isis. Well on with the show, I suppose."   
  
Everyone on stage got ready to play, Ryou stepped up to his microphone and adjusted it. "This song was just written today by our Ryou," Malik acknowledge, "This is our first time playing it on stage, but it'll probably turn out pretty well. They say the first time you play a song, it plays pure emotion, we'll just have to hope that this is going to be one of those songs."  
  
The lights went down and the flashing spot lights of the stage took over. A melody started to play out, underlined with a smooth bass line, the melody was familiar to Bakura then he placed it, it was the one Ryou had been picking out the night before. Ryou stepped up to the mike and the lights fell on him, his eyes were closed and his body relaxed, an angel drenched in blue light. Everything had fallen into another world, Ryou's world, this was his song, his music. Here, he was in control and he could say whatever he wanted. His lips opened and the voice that came out was nothing like Bakura had ever heard before:  
  
"You and I got something   
but it's all and then it's nothing to me… yeah"  
  
Ryou's voice was steady, musical, like he was born to sing, or was it even Ryou at all? This voice was clear and honest, emotional. There was meaning in the words:  
  
"And I got my defences   
when it comes to your intentions for me… yeah…  
And we wake up in the breakdown   
of the things we never thought we could be… yeah.   
  
I'm not the one who broke you,   
I'm not the one you should fear.  
What've you got to move you darling?  
I thought I lost you somewhere  
but you were never really ever there at all…  
  
And I want to get free.  
Talk to me;  
I can feel you falling…  
I wanted to be,  
all you need.  
Somehow here is gone…"  
  
In a sudden flash, Bakura understood; the song was about him. Everything Ryou had said the night before, everything he felt was coming out for the first time. Everything he wanted to tell the world, tell him, it was coming out. Get free… the words rung in Bakura's mind like he had been slapped in the face, that was what Ryou wanted? To be free of him? He fixed his eyes on the silver angel at the microphone again. The boy's hands came up to the black metal and he held it close to his lips. The lights flashed and a new set of words started to fall like icy tear drops from the boys lips. Pain, hurt and anger so apparent.  
  
"I have no solution  
to the sound of this pollution in me… yeah…"  
  
Ryou turned his head, and looked at the fiend sitting dumfounded in the corner. This was Ryou's world, here he had nothing to fear and nothing to lose, music did that to him. It was his song, right from the depths of his provisional rage. His eyes locked and narrowed on his darkers.  
  
"And I was not the answer   
so forget you ever thought it was me… yeah…"  
  
I'm not the one who broke you,   
I'm not the one you should fear.  
What've you got to move you darling?  
I thought I lost you somewhere  
but you were never really ever there at all…  
  
Bakura could feel his breath be stripped from his lungs under the gaze and the words directed right at him. Ryou broke the connection and turned back to his microphone, the words becoming much more forceful now, a depressed fury, the boy was running on pure emotion, that was clear.   
  
"And I _want_ to get free.  
_Talk_ to me;  
I can feel you falling…  
I _wanted_ to be,  
all you need.  
Somehow here is gone… …"  
  
Suddenly a new fury came out of Ryou, his arms spread open in a dramatic gesture, his eyes caught the light and sparkled with jaded tears.  
  
"And I don't _need_ the fall out  
Of all the past that's here between us…  
And I'm not _holding_ on.  
And all your _lies_ weren't enough to keep,  
Me _here_…  
  
And I _want_ to get free.  
_Talk_ to me;  
I can feel you falling…  
I _wanted_ to be,  
all you need.  
But somehow here is gone…"  
  
The boy's eyes fell on him again, so sad and miserable, but his voice strong and set. He retched his right hand out towards his dark double, pleading, asking for an answer, for release. That's what this song was, a plea.  
  
"And I want to get free.  
Talk to me;  
I can feel you falling…  
I know it's out there,  
I know it's out there.  
I can feel you falling…  
I know it's out there,  
I know it's out there.  
Somehow here is gone…"  
  
His voice trailed and so did the music. Ryou's arm dropped down to his side. It seemed like they were the only two people in the room, staring at each other. One was waiting for a reaction, the other was simply overwhelmed. It was Bakura turn to break the gaze in anger. He narrowed his eyes, whenever he was in doubt, he just let his dark nature take over. Stubborn pride, Ryou had called it, well whatever it was it refused to let him become a victim of this. He pushed himself away from the table and stood up, turning to the door. If the boy wanted to be free, so be it, he'd be gone.   
  
He felt a hand on his shoulder, "Yami," the tender voice said. Bakura spun around, his thoughts swarmed looking at the boy, he swallowed.   
  
"Is that what you feel?" he hissed, biting back tears and putting indignation forward instead. "Was that the truth what you said up there?"   
  
Ryou drew back and bit his lip, "Yes, I suppose it was."   
  
Bakura glared and nodded slowly, not taking his eyes from the boy. He reached out as if to take hold of Ryou's neck and choke him. "Fine then," he hissed, "If that's how you want it." Ryou closed his eyes tightly, preparing for an impact or something along that line, but what he felt scarred him even worst. He felt a heavy brush against his chest then a sharp tug at his neck and a snap on the skin at the nap of his neck. He eyes flashed open, there was Bakura, standing there, looking at the metal object in his hand. He dropped the ring to the floor and it made a dark silvery noise as it clattered to the ground, it leather string broken in two. "Then your free."  
  
By now the two had gather a lot of attention. Yami Yugi had risen from the table in pure shock at what had just occurred. A yami breaking his tie with his hikari?   
  
"What the hell?" Joey gasped.  
  
"Oh Lord." Mai muttered.  
  
"What's going on?" Malik cursed, "The song was about Yami Bakura?"  
  
Yugi looked shocked and pale. "Yeah, yeah it was." He was said hurriedly, trying to get off his guitar.  
  
"Blessed Maat." Isis said shaking her head.  
  
"Ryou!" Yugi called, jumping of the stage.  
  
"Yugi!" Yami, said, putting an arm in front of the boy. "No. Give them a minute now the love of Ra!"   
  
The two white haired boy stared at each other a minute, oblivious to everything going on around them. Ryou's hand went up to his throat where the ring used to hang, then looked at the metal object, lying dejectedly on the floor. "Your everything to me, Ryou… my hikari." Ryou looked up at the darker version of himself. "You mean the world to me, but if that's what you want, you can have your freedom, and I'll never bother you again." Bakura eyes glared, but his voice was soft and forlorn, no one else but the two of them could hear what he had said. Without another word, he walked out the door. Ryou starred in pure shock.  
  
Yugi pushed Yami's hand away and ran to Ryou, Malik wasn't far behind. Yugi put his arms about Ryou's shoulder. "Ryou? Ryou, are you okay?" Ryou simple stared at the door and nodded vaguely in complete shock. Malik put a hand comfortingly on Ryou's shoulder but Ryou didn't acknowledge him, he just dropped his gaze to the ring on the floor. Malik looked at Yugi.  
  
"I'll go try to talk to Yami Bakura." he said, Yugi nodded and Malik took off after Bakura.  
  
By now, the rest of the group had gathered around Ryou. Yami picked the ring up off the floor. "I think we've had enough for tonight, maybe it's best we go home." he said, looking at the abandoned necklace in his hand. The rest of the group nodded in agreement.   
  
"I have my car here, I can drive you, Yugi and Ryou back to your house." Isis offered, "So it's not so crowded."   
  
"Thank you, Isis." Yami nodded.  
  
"Come on, Ryou." Yugi said gently, "We're going back to my house."   
  
"Huh?" Ryou shook himself out of his thoughts, he was still in disbelief, he was freed from the ring, his yami was gone… and his yami said he was what? He was confused all over again. "Oh yeah. Okay." he finally said softly. He wanted to sleep, get his head straight, he wasn't sure what he should feel. He should be happy to be free, but he wasn't, should be enraged, but he had no anger in him. Nothing, he felt nothing, only a dull ache in the bottom of his soul… what had he done?  
  
*********************************************************************************  
  
Ryou: NO!! This isn't what I wanted at all!  
LYB: It was an accident, little one, we all make mistakes. Bakura's just stubborn and can't admit when he's wrong.  
Ryou: *sobs* he broke the ring…  
LYB: There, there. Things will get better, besides you get the next chapter all to yourself for the most part.  
Ryou: Really?  
LYB: Promise.   
Ryou: ^_^ okay!  
  
LYB: Any way, I'm sorry if Malik and Isis were way out of character, I only know what I'm told. Please Read and Review if you want this to continue!! 


	4. You Never Know

I'm so sorry this took so long to be posted!!! A thousand sorry's!! I went on vacation, hehehe. Thank you SOOOOOO much for the great reviews guys!! Anyway, this chap is still angst, but due to a suggestion, (Hello Magician of Black Chaos!!) (and the fact I was missing him) Kaiba is in this chapter, yay!!! Oh yeah and I added something just for you Angel of Darkness ;) Oh and at the bottom I included some replies to reviews. Oh and Guardian, I'll explain it in this chap : )  
  
Kaiba: Your dragging me into this!  
LYB: Stop whining, you get to make a big scene.  
Kaiba: *suspiciously* Over what?  
LYB: ^_^ you'll see.  
Ryou: Is this my chapter?  
LYB: Yup, just like I promised.  
Ryou: YAY!!  
Cyris: the disclaimers are in the first chapter, I won't bother.  
  
*song lyric's*  
_Ryou's thoughs_  
  
****************************************************************************  
You Never Know…  
****************************************************************************  
It was a beautiful afternoon and Ryou Bakura stood in the park gazing at the rock bottomed pond that marked it's centre. It had been a week now since the incident at the club, and Ryou felt no closer to an answer. He looked at the water flashing in the sun, it was beautiful, the same colour as the ring he was holding in his hand, it's broke strap fell limply from it. Ryou sighed. To many things were going on.   
  
His mind drifted back to that night: "Your everything to me, Ryou… my hikari…" that was what his Yami had said, after ripping the ring from his neck. Ryou shook his head, one minute he had been enraged, then, he said that. Was it hi stubborn pride again, or something more? God only knew. It was more then shock, Ryou felt, it was confusion plain and simple.   
  
*You never know,  
Some folks think the world just moves too slow;  
But was it you  
Told me I'm your everything?  
  
You hit me like I never felt before…  
(Hit me like I never felt before)  
Hit me like a sucker punch,  
You're rotten to the core. you know you,  
Hit me like I never felt before,  
I'm silly for the last time…*  
  
Ryou felt an arm wrap around his waist and he looked down at the boy beside him. Yugi smiled up at him and Ryou smiled back, putting his arm around Yugi as well. "Hello Yugi-chan," Ryou smiled.   
  
"I knew I'd find you here." Yugi smiled. Ryou bit back the misery inside him, forcing himself to look happy. He'd been staying with Yugi all this time and hadn't gone near his own home. He was sure Yami Bakura was there and he was to fed up with the whole mess to even look at the yami. Why couldn't he say those thing before, why did he have to go and do that instead. His dark other had lied, cheated, punched him, kicked him, adored him, loved him.   
  
*You never take,  
A promise from a man who sheds his skin.  
You had to wait  
For my aching heart to break.*  
  
Ryou pulled the boy beside him closer. Yugi had been so good to him, patient and understanding. He'd been staying with him now for almost 7 days and Ryou did appreciate the help. He should move on, his yami wanted nothing to do with him and never showed him the compassion this boy did. _But you don't love him do you?_ Ryou thought to himself _You love your yami. YOUR yami… He's not your yami anymore, he took off the ring remember? He's his own being now and so are you. You'll get over what you feel Ryou, fight it back like before. You can have Yugi now._ His mother had always said listen to your heart, not your head. But Ryou's heart was a mess, it had shattered into pieces the second the string broke, so against his better judgement, he listened to his head.   
  
"Hey Ryou," Yugi said, "Do you know what you want to do yet? You said you were going to stand here until you do."  
  
Ryou smiled and nodded. "Yes, I think so. I…" he paused and sighed "It's no good for me to dwell in the past, I have to let go." He took Yugi's hand and opened Yugi's palm, then pressed the golden ring into it. "Do what you think is right with it." Ryou said, putting up a brave front, but inside, he felt his stomach turn. Yugi stared at the ring a moment, then at the rock bottom pool they stood beside. Ryou bit his lip as Yugi pulled back his arm and through the ring as far out into the lake as he could.  
  
"That's what I think is right." Yugi said softly. Ryou felt himself tense when the trinket hit the water, as if something would consume him now that it was gone. But nothing happened and a miserable relief came over him. Moving on would be harder then he thought, but if Bakura could do it so easily, so could he, just out of plain spite.   
  
*You hit me like I never felt before…  
(Hit me like I never felt before)  
Hit me like a sucker punch,  
You're rotten to the core. you know you,  
Hit me like I never felt before,  
I'm silly for the last time…*  
  
"There, it's gone." Yugi said looking at the lake, smiling in his cute way, "So you…" He was cut short by a hand taking hold of him by the back of the neck and pulling him into a powerful kiss on his lips, when the kiss was broken Yugi starred at the white haired boy in shock. "Nani? Ryou? Why did you do that?"  
  
Ryou smiled slightly, still holding the boy, "Because I wanted too. You've been so good to me, you've given me a place to stay and saved me in so many ways since we first met… I just… kinda, wanted to repay you, I suppose."  
  
Yugi smiled sweetly and stood on his tip toes to plant a kiss on Ryou's cheek. "You don't owe me a thing. You were the one who had your arms around me the whole time after I lost that fight with Kaiba and almost killed him."  
  
"I suppose so." Ryou blushed slightly. "So, what happens now?"  
  
Yugi looked thoughtful a minute. "You want to go see a movie?"  
  
"Um, sure."  
  
"As more then friends?" Yugi smiled at him shyly. _Bury your past_ Ryou thought to himself and he brought a smile to his lips.  
  
"I'd love to."  
  
Further down the paths of the park, Yami Yugi sat on a bench, glaring at the new couple as they walked off. "It's to soon for this." He hissed, now glaring at the ground in front of him. "This whole thing will only end in disaster."   
  
"I know you love Yugi, But I think you're taking this to seriously." a smooth voice said beside him.  
  
"And this is coming from a guy who it's a miracle to see him outside of work because he's so serious?" Yami said sharply, looking up at the icy eyes brown haired boy standing beside him. Kaiba never was patient enough to sit anywhere for long periods of time.   
  
"I'm here now." Seto answered, crossing his arms.  
  
"Only because Joey dragged you," Yami retorted. "I never thought I'd see the day when you and Joey would be together. Where is Joey anyway?"  
  
"He had to go pick up Serenity, but he should be getting back any minute now." Kaiba scanned the path as he spoke for the brazen blonde. "And just for the record, I never thought I'd see the day that you were jealous of Ryou."  
  
"I'm not jealous." Yami replied, "I'm worried. About Ryou, and about Yugi. This is to soon. Way to soon. I know what Ryou feels, he's confused, alone and he's trying to bury that by taking on Yugi. He's still totally in love with his yami, I have no doubt about that. And Yugi loved Ryou so blindly, when he find's out it will devastate him. This can only end in disaster."   
  
Kaiba nodded. "I'd hate to say it, but I think your right. This is to soon. How's Yami Bakura taking this anyway, has Malik talked to him?"  
  
Yami allowed himself to show how tired he felt, he leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. "No, Malik hasn't been able to. Yami Bakura shut himself up in the house, he won't answer the phone or the door. And when he does leave the house, he wanders off alone where no one can find him."  
  
"How can he be alive without the ring anyway?" Kaiba asked glancing at the lake that now contained the accursed ring. "I thought without the ring, he would die."  
  
"He's not without the ring," Yami stated, "He has the power to come in and out of it as he pleases, just as I can go in and out of my puzzle. All he did was break the strap from Ryou's neck, breaking any access they had to each others soul rooms."  
  
"So Yami Bakura's soul room is still in Ryou's mind, he just can't go back to it."   
  
"He can go back to it, he just can't get it out of it, he wouldn't be able to go into Ryou's soul room. Nor can Ryou enter his."  
  
"In that case, their minds are now totally independent of each other. They can't read each others thoughts or emotions or talk in their mind."  
  
"Yes, for the most part, they're their own people. Yami Bakura will still live in the physical world until the ring itself is broken."  
  
"But, what if Ryou dies?" Kaiba said absently, "Does Yami Bakura die too?"  
  
"I don't think so." Yami said slowly, "He sealed a bit of his soul in my puzzle remember, so he'll probably end up living in my soul room. Not that it bothers me much anymore. I have to admit there's more to him then there appears, he took this just about as hard as Ryou. But I'm not worried about him, he can handle pain pretty well."  
  
"But you are worried." Kaiba said, looking down at the ancient, "What's on your mind?"  
  
Yami sighed and shook his head sorrowfully. "I'm afraid for Yugi, I'm afraid of what will happen when he learns the truth, it will break his heart."  
  
"Yugi can handle it, he has you."  
  
"No he doesn't." Yami said softly, "He's changing, he's distancing himself from me, locks me out of his soul room at times too. He hides things from me."  
  
Kaiba stifled a cry of shock, swallowing in his throat. "Hiding? Hiding what?"  
  
Yami dug into his pocket and produced a small crumpled brown piece of paper. "Maybe you can tell me. I don't fully understand this modern world, maybe you can tell me why he hides these packages."   
  
Kaiba took the crumpled paper and semi-unfolded it. He couldn't see anything unusual about it, but the cracks and fold could hide something. He shook it and he could hear a soft scrapping noise, so he raised it to his lip to see if it had any smell. Abruptly a shock went threw his system. It felt like a thousand small knives were dragging on the inside of his noise and his head felt like it was going to explode. He grabbed a tissue from his pocket and bent over, blowing his noise several times. "Oh Bloody HELL!" he shrieked, trying to get the stuff out of him as well as relieve his head rush.   
  
"Blessed Ra! Kaiba, what is it?" Yami was up on his feet, rubbing Kaiba's back and handing him more tissues. "What's wrong?"   
  
Kaiba continued to choke and sneeze for a moment, before satisfied that the substance was out of him before really effecting him. He rocked back on his heels then sat down on the ground. "Oh Christ," he muttered, laying his aching he on his knees, "That's cocaine Yami," he muttered, "The boy's on crack." Yami stepped back and froze, he didn't dare breath, he didn't dare move, he didn't dare think.  
  
Later that night, Ryou sat alone in the bedroom he and Yugi shared, strumming absently on his guitar. His misery was back once more. Downstairs voice screamed at each other:  
  
"You're being foolish! Do you think that he'll give you the world? What the hell is going on! You'll kill yourself with the shit!"  
  
"Stop treating me like a goddamn child!!"  
  
"Give me a reason not too!!"  
  
Ryou sighed. Yami and Yugi had always been to well together, now they were fighting, fighting over him. He was in over his head and he knew it. The pain nipped at his eyes again and he bit it back. It had always been his yami who had come to the rescue, had forced him to stand on his own two feet, given him the ambition to go after his dreams. In an odd way, it was his yami who kept his strong, how ironic.   
  
*Now everyone gets angry…  
And I feel it when you're holding me.  
In the right place,  
At the right time,  
To the right degree,  
It's a breeding ground for the pain I've found  
From dealing with your scene.  
You know that it ain't easy…  
(That ain't easy)  
(That ain't easy)  
(that ain't easy)*  
  
Ryou gazed out the window, looking past the large tree that wound it's way up past it and up at the moon. It was beautiful. He sighed deeply, he wondered if his yami was looking at it too, wondered if his yami was thinking about him. Misery came over him, it was to late to turn back now: the record deal, Yugi, Ryou was in over his head and he knew it…  
  
*You hit me like I never felt before…  
(Hit me like I never felt before)  
Hit me like I never felt before…  
(Hit me like I never felt before)  
I'm silly for the last time…*  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Ryou: *starts to sob and sulks off*  
LYB: Oh, poor Ryou!  
Yugi: I'm a druggy!!??  
Yami: You're a druggy!!??  
LYB: *blushes* Um yeah, about that…  
Yami: _ 


	5. What A Scene

Hehehe. I think my drugged up Yugi scared people ^_^. I wanted to do something to distract Yami and Yugi from Ryou's problems, besides there had to be some reason Yugi was happy all the time. I'm joking, no one hurt me. Oh and I had a great idea for a spin off fic. Anyone think I should continue the Yami and Yugi plot in another story? (Oh and as to how Kaiba knew what crack was… I'll leave that to the imagination)   
  
Yugi: I still say that was mean.  
LYB: *huggles Yugi* Please forgive me!! You know I love you!!!  
Yugi: weeeellll, okay ^_^  
Yami: Are we really going to get our own story?  
LYB: Plead with the reviewers.  
Yami: PLEEEEAASEEEE!!!! I want to help my Yugi!!!  
LYB: Okay, anyway.  
Bakura: Yay! A song from my point of view!!  
Malik: Hey and I'm in here too.  
Cyris: *sarcastically* Oh joy…  
  
*song lyrics*  
_song lyric that are spoken as dialog_  
  
**********************************************************************  
What A Scene  
**********************************************************************  
  
"You know I've been looking everywhere for you?" Malik said walking up behind Yami Bakura who was walking, head down, thumbs hooked through his belt loops down the street. The spirit spun quickly, his body tensed for a fight, his eyes gazing fearfully at the Egyptian. "Whoa, Whoa." Malik said with a smile, patting Bakura's shoulder in a teasing manner. "Down boy, It's me." But Bakura had already begun to relax, the sultry smile assured him it wasn't the one he feared.   
  
"Malik," he sighed.  
  
"Your jumpier then normal." The blonde stated, "It's not like he's coming back." Bakura just shook his head and silently started walking again a if he didn't even care Malik was there. Malik sighed , Bakura obviously didn't want to talk. Then Bakura stopped and glanced back at Malik, as if to say: Are you coming?   
  
Malik came to his side and they started walking down the road together, silently. It was the first company Bakura had since he tore the ring from Ryou's neck; then again, he wanted to be alone for awhile. He had heard Malik come after him on his motorcycle that night at the club, and he had hid until he passed. No one was going to try to talk him into an apology, he had only given the boy what he wanted. But he wasn't stupid enough to think the boy who now looked so perkily happy, actually was. He knew Ryou well enough to know that he didn't handle stress well. The pressure of the bands new found success had fallen like a encumbrance on the boys shoulders, now from a distance he was watching the boy crumble. It was torturing, watching Ryou smile and be the proud lead singer of a hit band, but secretly wander by himself and sit alone by the park lake for hours looking so lonely. Secretly reverting back to himself outside of his new role.  
  
*When your feeling all wrong in the back of your mind again,  
How does it feel?  
When you drop down everything's all the same.  
Oh yeah… *  
  
Bakura could see how frustrated Ryou was. Bakura could have run back to him that minute to lift him up again, tell him to grow up, tough it out, help him stand on his own. But one thing stopped him; Ryou's relationship with you. Well if that was what the boy wanted so be it. Let him beat himself up.   
  
"Okay, you in there, Bakura?" Malik said tapping on the top of the shorter mans head with his knuckles. "Your usually the talkative one."  
  
"What do you want me to say, Malik?" Bakura hissed, "Seriously, what do you want? I know your going to ask me something about the boy so you may as well stop beating around the bush. I'm psychotic, not stupid."  
  
"I never said you were." Malik replied in his calm voice. "And I don't think your psychotic, maybe semi-sociopath but not psychotic."   
  
"Since when have you been a shrink?"  
  
"We both know someone psychotic," Malik's normally expressional face was deadpan, "And you not like him. At least you have some amount of decency; at least you feel things." Bakura cringed, no he wasn't like that son-of-a-bitch rod spirit, he did feel. He felt pain, he felt regret, he suffered. No, Malik was right, he wasn't psychotic, he just suffered. Suffered since he was a child. Saw his father beat his mother till she fled, leaving him the only target for his fathers rage. Raped, torn, striped, beaten, weak. No, he swore he'd never let Ryou be weak like he had been but looking on how he had acted now it had turned out to be a sadistic circle, finally broken to little to late. Just when he thought he had found a way to bury his past, the power in the millennium items, his adoration for his abiou, that psychopath came along. As if he couldn't suffer enough, he had to break him completely. It was fun to be around him at first, how could he have been so blind, so stupid? Oh yes, he hated the yami, he knew the evil he had done went far beyond the card cards and duel monsters. Malik had suffered the dark ones true wrath as well.   
  
"There you go again, lost in thought." Malik laughed slightly.  
  
"You shouldn't have brought that up." Bakura hissed.   
  
Malik's face saddened "I understand, you know I do. I hate him too."   
  
The words were so wonderful to Bakura at that moment. "I know you do," he replied softly, "I know you do."  
  
"Bakura, look, I know what you've been through. I know you've suffered. But your arrogance and fear have gotten ahead of you this time, so has your pride. You shouldn't have done that to Ryou."  
  
Bakura scowled. "It was what Ryou wanted."  
  
Malik ran a hand through his blonde hair, "He was angry Bakura, he was in a rage. He was hurt and sorrowful when he wrote that, he didn't know what he was saying."  
  
"Well he's happy enough now with Yugi." Bakura stressed the last boy's name with annoyance.   
  
Malik shook his head, "No. No, he's not. I've noticed him change."  
  
"I know he has, I've been keeping an eye on him. I know him well, very well. He's my hikari for the love of Ra. He's idealistic, he wanted everything and I wanted him to have it. But the world doesn't work that way, he's finding that out now."  
  
Malik starred at him. "Yeah, that's right. I think he's feeling the stress of the music industry, the stress of being on his own in a big world. He's hurt and confused, but he's buried it under this rock star persona."  
  
Bakura nodded in agreement, "I've noticed."  
  
"You've been watching him?"  
  
"Keeping an eye on him and no I'm not a stalker. Just, every now and then I find myself wandering past the game shop and looking for any sign of him, or going to the park and he'll be there, so I'll hang around there a bit. I'm…" He paused.  
  
"You're worried about him?" Malik smiled.  
  
"Yes." Bakura acknowledged readily.  
  
*Saccharine caffeine nicotine gum,  
Oh it tastes sweet but its not for long   
And I just think you thought it would be… *  
  
"You love him?"  
  
There was another long pause before Bakura replied in a soft barely audible voice, "yes." Malik nodded slowly, contemplating this.  
  
"Tell me Malik, is it as bad as I think it is?" Bakura said almost ideally, "Now that he's found out the music industry isn't all pretty pictures?"  
  
Malik laughed slightly, a sad distant laugh. "I only do it for fun. Being on stage and everyone looking at me, only me, it a thrill, like going 150 on my motorbike, one wrong move and you screw everything up. You know me, I love the adrenaline. I can take all the record labels bitching in stride with a smile on my face because their pointless bickering amuses me. So none of that pressure gets to me at all." Malik smiled "Then again, I'm no stranger to stress, people hassling me and being mad at me. " Bakura smirked at the comment. "But Ryou?" Malik continued, "He takes everything so seriously. He doesn't like having people angry at him or pushing him."   
  
"That's Ryou, slow and steady. He can't handle it on his own. Well, he will someday, but not right at this moment."  
  
"Exactly." Malik agreed.  
  
*And when your looking for truth on the cover of a magazine,  
How does it feel  
When you found out what your not going to be?  
Oh yeah…*  
  
Malik sighed and shook his head, "You know I'd hate to say this because it'll make your ego inflate more then ever but I think Ryou needs you to push him forward and keep his head level so he doesn't get caught up in how cruel the world can be."  
  
"Fuck my ego." Bakura growled, "I'm miserably without him, the comfort of just seeing him and how beautiful he looked in that old green shirt."  
  
"You told him that?" Malik smiled, amused.  
  
"No, I'd just pin him to the bed." Bakura replied, the same devious smirk on his lips.  
  
"Oh?" Malik gave him a curious look "You and Ryou were closer then I thought."  
  
Bakura sighed, catching the glance. "So what? I slept with him. That mean something?"  
  
Malik raised a brow, "Judging by that look on your face, it means something to you. And if it didn't mean something to you, you wouldn't have brought it up. Oh yeah and you didn't gloat about it."  
  
Bakura gave him a look, "Are you done chastising my sex life yet?"  
  
"All I'm saying it that you screwed up Bakura, your foolish pride has once more stopped you from telling Ryou what you feel."  
  
Bakura shrugged, hanging his head slightly to hid his hurt expression from the blonde by his side. "My hikari is no longer MY hikari, he has Yugi now, he doesn't need me. Even let Yugi throw the ring out into the lake so I've heard."  
  
"This is true. But… Ryou would listen to you."  
  
"He listened to me because he was scared of me."  
  
"Is that so? Then why did he keep the ring on his being for a week after you left?"  
  
Bakura stopped walking, catching Malik by the shoulder "He did that?" Malik looked down at the spirit turned flesh. The former yami's eyes were (from what Malik recalled) for the first time not dark or angry. They were tender and sorrowful, how different from his normal self.  
  
"Yes." Malik nodded.  
  
"I worry about him, Malik." Bakura said softly, his head down and started to walk with his friend again, "I'm afraid for him. I never thought I could be so weak."  
  
"Did you ever think that maybe it's not a weakness at all? Maybe it's a strength."  
  
"A strength?" Bakura scrunched up his face.  
  
Malik grabbed the other man's hand as they walked and pressed into it a flat, long, slim, rectangular wooden box. "Here take this, my sister gave this to me. Isis was afraid for me, and that love of hers was strong enough to heal even a tired soul like mine. Maybe yours is strong enough to heal Ryou's and your own."  
  
Bakura furrowed his brow in questioning as he looked at the odd flat wooden box. He opened his mouth to ask what Malik meant by what he had said but he was cut short by a foot tripping him. Unable to catch his balance in time he felt flat on his face, the box pressed to his chest, while Malik walked by a look of fake innocence plastered on his face. Bakura looked up at him from the ground. "You baka." He hissed.  
  
"Just think about it Bakura." Malik said glancing back, flashing a smile and small wave. "Just think about it." Then he vanished into the crowd.  
  
Bakura stood up and dusted himself off. Of course, as always, Malik was right. The mysterious Egyptian didn't say much but when he did, he usually gave out amazing insight. The pale blonde youth did care, there was no doubt about that and when it was needed, he had no problem loaning out some of the lesson's he had learned in his short but hard life. Bakura looked at the box a moment and decided to wait till he got home to open it. He stuffed the relatively small box into the back of his belt as he would if he were hiding a gun and covered it with his shirt. Malik was right again now, though it was something Bakura already knew; the real world had crashed hard against Ryou without his alter ego to support him.   
  
*They give you your image and the things you believe.  
Open your eyes tell me what did you see?   
And I just think you thought it surreal.*  
  
Bakura shook his head and kept walking, as much as he worried about the boy he wasn't about to interfere with the boys relationship with Yugi. Still, he wished more then ever he could put some sense into the boy: Take it easy, your destroying yourself. But he was also sure about something else from think about the psychopaths from his far and resent past, he couldn't use his old Egyptian ways to do it. If he had the chance, he would never lay a harmful finger and the beautiful white haired boy again. To bad he may never get the chance to, it's not like the boy in his new found glory would ever come back to him.  
  
*And how does it feel when your out on your own?  
And now it's too late to come home?  
And it's hard to be free, when your down on your knees.  
Take it easy till you make it alone…*  
  
Bakura was wrapped up in his thoughts, head down and hands in his pockets, wondering vaguely where Ryou was at that moment and what he was doing, when he collided with someone. "Hey!" he shouted and stepped back, brushing himself off and catching inconspicuously to see if the box was still intact, it was. "Watch where your going," he snapped at the boy he ran into before looking at him. When he did glance at the boy, who was gathering up the bags he had dropped , Bakura did a double take, "Ryou?"  
  
The more innocent appearing of the white haired look alikes stood up, a sour look on his pretty face. He had on a pair of black jeans and combat boots with a matching black jacket over a blood burgundy T-shirt. "On the eye of Horus!" Bakura swore looking his double over, "You look like a punk! Or me, which ever you weren't going for."   
  
"How about myself?" Ryou scowled.  
  
"That looks like a rock star, you're not a rock star, You're Ryou." Bakura scowled back.  
  
"I'll be who I want to be!" Ryou snapped. Bakura was taken back by this new change in attitude.  
  
"Your funny kid." Bakura glowered. "Now stop making a fool of yourself."  
  
"Making a fool out of MY-self?" Ryou hissed.  
  
"Yes, YOUR-self." Bakura taunted back, giving him a nasty look. "Now get out of my way. I was hoping to talk with my Ryou, not some snot-ass punk. The Ryou I know is gentle and calm. Now if you'll excuse me, I don't have time for cheep wannabe acts." he pushed past the boy, discussed, but also hoping his little speech had worked. It had been true enough, he wanted to talk to Ryou, not his charade.   
  
*Now you're a supermarket punk rock television comedy   
Out on the scene   
Yeah I bit down and now there's no hand to feed.  
Oh yeah…*  
  
"Yami, wait…" Bakura felt a chill, that sweet voice did it to him every time. Bakura made his face like stone before turning and looking at the boy who now looked slightly ashamed.  
  
"Now there's the Ryou I know." Bakura said smoothly in his detached voice. "Now kindly explain why your dressed and acting like me?"  
  
"Like you?" Ryou asked, looking sadly frustrated.  
  
"Don't act like me, it doesn't become you and your ingenuous personality. You're not cruel of harsh, you're gentle and honest, so don't ruin yourself by trying to be."  
  
Ryou looked hurt, confirming what Bakura thought, the boy was getting in to deep. He was hiding his pain in his new persona. Doing his best to fit the part he had been forced to play. Poor boy. Ryou still hadn't opened his mouth but it looked like he was trying to decide what to say. "What ever you decide to say," Bakura said, raising a brow, "It better be from Ryou not your damn little Darren Hayes alter-ego."   
  
Ryou sighed, "If your worried about me, I don't want any of your speeches. I like this new life."  
  
"Then can I offer you my sympathy?" Bakura said in one of the sincerest tones he had ever heard.  
  
Ryou was stunned. "Your sympathy?" he muttered, "What do you know about sympathy?"  
  
"Enough." he replied calmly "Enough to know you're suffering, you're overwhelmed. You think you've found something you can hold on to, but guess what? You bit off more then you could chew. I know, I've been there."  
  
*And all the beautiful images lining your walls   
Pop radio screaming down the halls  
And now you think you've found something real.*  
  
Ryou cringed, how come his yami knew so much. Suffering? Yes, that was a good word for it. Between the band and Yugi he was losing his mind. Deadlines on the music, a semi-addict boyfriend fighting with his darker half, being in love with this white haired fiend who had so far never show the love he wanted to see. "your wrong," he said finally, "So wrong."  
  
"Am I?" Bakura replied smartly.  
  
"Do you have any idea how much I've wanted this?" Ryou said, raising his head slightly. "Fame, freedom and someone to love me?"  
  
Bakura crossed his arms, his sharp dark eyes cutting threw Ryou's chocolate ones. Ryou felt his breath catch in his throat, the eyes seemed to scorch his very soul, breaking threw and dividing all truths and lies. "You've fooled them all you know, with your charade. They all believe your healed. I know I'm not the most honest person in the world, but at least I'm myself. I refuse to lie about who I am, people who do are afraid of themselves and I find it a sorry attempt to make their own misery go away." Bakura paused "Just like it's wrong for someone to take out their pain on someone they love." he hesitated again.  
  
*And when it's all about money and the things that you need  
Live a big lie and they all believe   
Now I just find that somehow obscene.*  
  
Once more Ryou was at a loss for protesting. Did the ancient spirit just accuse him of lying or apologise for everything he had done? Both? "I…" he started, but found he couldn't finish. All the emotions had come cascading back and the two just stared at each other is silence, the crowd passing around them oblivious. Tears bit the younger boys eyes, more then anything else he wanted the ancient boy to open his arms so Ryou could run to him, but the fiend stood motionless. Ryou's mind told him to shut it, shut it all out like he had until now, but still his heart ached horribly like it had while he shut it all up.   
  
*And how does it feel when your out on your own?  
And now it's too late to come home?  
And it's hard to be free, when your down on your knees.  
Take it easy till you make it alone…  
Take it easy till you make it alone…*  
  
"I… I… don't know…" Ryou murmured, "I don't know anything anymore. I was so sure and now… now…"  
  
_"What a scene."_ Bakura smirked,  
_ "It's all been said before   
and all been done,  
Take it easy till you make it alone."_   
  
Ryou glanced into his others and bit his lip.  
  
*Take it easy till you make it alone…  
Na na nana na , Nana na na nana Na na na, Na na na nana na na*  
  
Then of all things, his former yami laughed in a low voice and took the boys face in his hands. A dark amused expression on his face. _"Lies with love and truth  
Bittersweet looks good on you  
Not everybody wants to know your name,"_   
He pressed his lips strongly to Ryou's forehead then laughed in his dark way. "Foolishness," he smirked, "That's what it is. You just keeping living in your little illusion, and see what happens." He released the boy and vanished into the crowd, his trademark smirk on his face, leaving Ryou in a mass of confusing. Of course he meant his last comment as an insult; Ryou was enraged that his yami dare tell him how to live his life when he had broken their bond. But he was touched as well. Sorrowfully lonely. Tear flowed over his cheeks, he couldn't keep doing this.  
  
*Na na nana na , Nana na na nana Na na na, Na na na nana na na…*  
  
*******************************************************************************  
  
LYB: See a bit more upbeat.  
Ryou: Not for me!  
Malik: But I had fun ^_^ I got to show off!  
Bakura: What did you give me anyway?  
Malik: Trust me you'll like it.  
Ryou: Why are you here anyway?  
Bakura: I'm a muse too!  
LYB: Okay you two, that's enough. Anyway, the next chapter would be "Up, Up, Up" for anyone who has the CD Gutterflower. This CD has given me so many things to run with, if you've liked this fic thus far go and buy it, it's so worth it. I'm pretty sure you'll end up thinking about Ryou as a Gutterflower.  
  
Anyway, read and review everyone! Should I continue the Yugi/Yami story in another fic? Should I continue with the next chapter? 


	6. Up, Up, Up

To anyone who is now falling for Goo Goo Dolls music, YAY!!! Trust me the CD is worth it, if you get spare change it's a good investment. For anyone who's wondering my fav songs on Gutterflower go in this order: Big Machine (yeah The Hatter, I love it too : ), Truth is a Whisper, Here is gone, Sympathy, What a scene and It's Over. Anyway: Yay a new chap!! We get to find out what Malik gave Bakura!  
  
Bakura: Really? Is it cool?  
LYB: Yes…  
Bakura: Will it make me happy?  
LYB: I hope so.  
Bakura: ^_^ !  
Cyris: The disclaimers are in the first chapter. Go back if you want them.  
  
****************************************************************************  
Up, Up, Up  
****************************************************************************  
The Bakura entered the dark house and closed the door behind him, making his way up to the bedroom. The home was quiet without Ryou there, deathly quiet. Before there had always been the sound of Ryou hmming to himself as he cooked something in the kitchen or the unchained melody of a guitar. But now, now it was silent. Bakura shut the door to the bedroom, shutting himself in then sat on the bed. His sigh seemed to echo through the silent room. He felt slightly guilty, a relatively new feeling for him but after being stuck with it for two weeks he was getting a bit used to it; maybe he had been to harsh of Ryou. Calling the boy a hypocrite and self-destructive. But then again, Ryou needed to hear it, hopefully he wouldn't take it the wrong way.  
  
Bakura sighed again and reached behind him, pulling out the box Malik had given him. He ran his fingers over the polished silken wood before curiosity got the best of him and he flipped the small latch. He opened the small, thin box, the tiny hinges making a slight creak and he mad a small noise somewhere between utter surprise and delight. The box was really an ink kit, ochre ink like the kind they had use in Egypt. There were two larger bottles of black ink and four smaller containers for red, yellow, green and blue. The box itself was a could be used as a tray for pouring the inks. He loving moved his fingers of the dainty, elegant brushes and calligraphy pen. The kit had been used before, that was clear judging by the varying ink levels, but the bottles, tray, and brushes had been carefully cleaned and cared for, Malik had love these inks. Did he say Isis had gotten it for him? Bakura felt a burn in his eyes again, how could Malik give him such a gift?  
  
Bakura picked up the pen and ran it's tip over the back of his hand to test it's quality, yes, it was like the ones he used in Egypt. He remembered breaking into freshly made tombs and how they smelled of the fresh ink. He would light all the lamps left behind and admire the art, reading the beautiful poetry full of such wonderful thoughts and expressions. He had wanted to be the one who wrote those sweet words, wanted to be a scribe so he could paint the gods and goddess upon the walls. On the rare occasion he was lucky enough to find and ink set left in a tomb he would paint and write on the floors and blank walls. He had been good at it. One day Ryou had casually turned on the history channel and he saw one of his wall murals, some strange man was speculating on what it meant, saving it was an exceptional piece about the tomb owners life. Of course he was totally wrong, unless the person buried there had been a tomb robber, because he wrote all his lyrics about his own life. If he could have gotten the money he would have brought his own ink set and raised his social status to become a writer and painter. To bad all the tomb robbing he did, didn't seen to get him any closer to that wish. He had forgotten that dream after awhile and turned his attention to the shadow games instead. But now, now someone had put the ink into his hands again. The thrill scared him, he hadn't touched the inks in 5000 and some years, he didn't even know if he still had the skill. Malik had obviously cared for the set, why would he give it any to someone who may never touch it or even appreciate it? Bakura plucked a small piece of paper from the corner of the box and unfolded it.  
  
To the egocentric tomb-robbing change of heart guy,  
(a.k.a. my most beloved friend Bakura),   
After I lost my yami, I wasn't sure what I felt, I was free, but it didn't feel like I was whole added on top of that was dealing with my fathers true death. Then Isis gave me this, she pressed the pen into my hand and put a sheet of parchment in front of me and told me to write. So I did, just ideally scratching random things, but the more I wrote, the more easily it came. In a little while I had turned out pages up on pages of words and thoughts that had come right out of my soul, by passing my logic completely. There was a surprising comfort in that, understanding what I felt, letting it all come out. I didn't have to tell anyone, I only had to tell the paper. I remembers what you said, about seeing your painting on TV, since this whole thing with Ryou started I've been thinking that maybe this will do you more good. Since you can seem to figure out what you feel. It helped me get my head straight, maybe it will help you too.   
Your friend (And occasional enemy anti-hero), Malik Ishtar  
  
Bakura couldn't help but laugh, Malik had an odd sense of humour. He was moved to, this was probably one of the greatest things anyone had ever done for him, but what was he going to do with it? He wondered if he still had his talent for writing.   
  
He put the set down for a moment, he would need something to write on. He dug threw a few drawers and found nothing, so moved on to the closet. He had just about given up when he found a few larger sheets of plain bristol board shoved far in the back and pulled them out. He looked around for somewhere to put his find, but the desk was so small and sitting on the floor would be awkward. Then a sly smile crept across his lips as an idea can to him. He tacked the sheet upon the wall, making one large, blank panel. Now the hard part.  
  
Bakura picked up the tray and poured the black ink into it. With the tender care of an artist he dipped the pen into the colour and pressed it to the white material. What you write? He just let his hand move like he had before in Egypt. That was the trick, he thought, adding a small bit of red, don't think about what your writing, think about what your feeling.   
  
It felt so strange to be letting emotions he had shut up for so long to bypass all logic thought and flow from his fingers. Don't think about what your writing, just write. Bakura raised the pen and read what his heart had to say. His mind started to wander, the worry set in on him again. What if Ryou didn't listen? What if he kept going on this path, would he go back to being suicidal? Bakura shuddered and read over what he had written.  
  
*Are you listening' now?  
Are you feelin' that way?  
Are you terrified?  
Of wakin' up too tired to try again?*  
  
Bakura nodded slowly and thought a minute before dipping the pen and pressing it to the wall again. What did he think when he thought about Ryou? Are you happy now you little fool, that you've isolated yourself from the world just because of me? That sounded about right. But there was more to it then that, he hadn't really meant to hurt Ryou at all, just help him maybe someday Ryou would understand the things that he said.   
  
*Are you happy now  
That you've shut yourself down?  
Are you paralysed  
By all the nonsense that's gone down?  
  
I know you're gonna see these things some day.*  
  
Bakura read his most resent verse and raised his brow in slight surprise. Malik was right, he did sound arrogant. Bakura shrugged, and frowned slightly, biting his lip. He felt lonely all of a sudden, why did that stupid blonde baka always have to be right. It was his arrogance that had gotten him into this. The arrogance that forbid him to let the boy into his life, now the hikari was a mystery to him. Instead, he had ended up driving the boy into depression, maybe that was why Ryou looked so distance when Bakura would come home late. Sure he knew a lot about Ryou, everything except for this strange romance worked and what he thought of it. They both had freedom, they both were now given a dream to chase, the singer and the writer; but at the same time, neither of them were happy, as if the sun had set on what was once a beautiful day. Another praise appeared in Bakura'a head so he scrawled it down quickly before he could second guess it.  
  
*Sorry-eyed we spent so much of your time  
Now I'm tryin' to put your riddle to rhyme.  
Now it's up up up I'm headin' for this evenin'  
And it's up up up, I'm headed for the clouds...*  
  
Just as quickly another thought came into his head and he hastily dipped the pen and started to scribble again.  
  
*…Comin' down,   
It ain't the worst part  
It only takes a second  
To make a change that's gonna last  
  
I hope you're gonna see these things some day  
So don't stop lookin' for that light along the way*  
  
Bakura looked at his work and nodded approval. He couldn't just stand here and do nothing, not while his hikari suffered. He read his words again, okay maybe he had been wrong to be so harsh on Ryou earlier, maybe he had been to harsh all along. He sighed, the pen didn't lie. Was it to late to take back that change? The band would be playing tonight, Ryou was sure to be there. He just hoped Ryou wouldn't be to upset about the day's earlier events and would talk to him. Bakura decided not to let this go, it wasn't over till it was over. If Ryou said they were threw, then it would have to be, but until he heard the word from Ryou's lips there was still hope for his little hikari. Bakura felt a smile on his lips, a sad smile, but at least it was a smile. He put the pen on the paper again and wrote the last verse. Then cleaned the pen carefully and laid down the set. He pulled on his jacket and quickly checked himself in the mirror before heading to the door. He put his hand on the bedroom door knob and looked at the paper on the wall. The worlds were missing something. He looked at them for a moment and smiled, grabbing a brush coated in red ink and wrote "Up, Up, Up" just above them. That was better, he headed for the door taking a quick glance at the last verse he wrote on the way…  
  
*Sorry-eyed we spent so much of your time  
Now I'm tryin' to put your riddle to a rhyme  
Now it's up up up and headin' for this evenin'  
And it's up up up, I'm headed for you now…*  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Bakura: That was short and sweet.  
LYB: The next chapter will be long and extreme angst… and Ryou your in it.  
Ryou: I am?  
Bakura: Why is it angst?  
LYB: The title of the song is "It's Over" does that give you a hint?  
Ryou & Bakura: Ohhhh….  
Cyris: What does the future hold for these 2, read and review so we can find out! 


	7. It's Over

Okay sorry I have posted anything in a while, I've been really busy lately with things that are out of my hands. (One of which is that my computer backfired a few days ago and I lost what I was working on, NOOOO!!!) A HUGE thanks to every single one of my reviewers! You guys are awesome, thank you so much!!  
  
I've been looking forward since I started to write this story to writing this chapter because the song is so amazing. It's set up with two part vocals and at different points it's a duet, the first voice is powerful, the second is soft and gentle, it fit so well!! It's amazing to here Johnny Reznik sing it. (Did I spell that right?)   
  
Cyris: *kicks the computer in LYB's room* stupid little *there is a series of beeps and censored stickers*  
LYB: O_o U, Cyris there are worst things at the moment.  
Cyris: That's right.  
LYB: All our love goes out right now to Jesse and his family. Something up there was good enough to bring him back to us and not let him die. We love you Jesse, every one of us and we'll get through it. We're behind you the whole way, Jess-man. You're still Mr. Amazing! So I dedicate this story to Jesse, my very own Yugi-loving gutterflower.  
  
*Song in Bakura's voice*  
~Song in Ryou's voice~  
~*Duet*~  
harmony for the line above in Ryou's voice  
  
  
***************************************************************************  
It's Over  
***************************************************************************  
  
Ryou was in a daze as he stumbled through the back door into the kitchen of Yugi's house. He's face blanked and his mind reeling with what Bakura had said to him on the street. To many questions not enough answers. He barely heard Yugi call his name and grab on to him and he tripped forward. He vaguely acknowledged Yugi was home this time of day, which was unusual. Yugi usually went Mai, Tristan and that dark haired girl Kali this time of day. "Ryou!" he was saying, "Ryou what is it? What happened? Talk to me angel." Ryou couldn't find the words, he just started to sob.  
  
"Oh Ra." He heard a darker voice say, Yami. "Yugi, give him some room, let him get his head!"  
  
"Back off!" Yugi said sharply, surprising both Ryou and Yami. Yami stepped back, a sour expression on his face and Yugi turned back to Ryou. "Ryou?" he cooed softly, "What's wrong?" Ryou gave a small miserable wail. Everything was wrong.  
  
"You're upsetting him!" Yami snapped "For the love of Ra!" Ryou shook his head, no. Yugi wasn't upsetting him. He wanted desperately to explain himself but couldn't find the words. How do you explain to the people who have thought you're so content that you've been faking it all along? He had become good at pretending to be happy, with his yami inside him (and outside him) it was a necessity. Now, even with his yami gone he was still trapped. No one had tried to free him.   
  
No one had noticed except his dark. His dark had tried to free him. He wasn't sure if that was true or not. Maybe it was one of his cruel tricks, but he didn't seem cruel. He'd kissed his forehead and laughed. Ryou had to talk to him. It wasn't over yet. It couldn't be. There was too much left undone. He wanted, no he needed that support; that reality. The way his dark had looked at him told him that he needed the boy's tenderness. Too much left unsaid, undone. Another moan escaped his lips. He had to speak with him. It couldn't be over just yet. He could feel Yugi's arms around him, attempting to comfort him. He was whispering to him softly, something about Yami Bakura and not having to worry. No, he didn't have to worry, no, his Yami had offered him something; he offered something no one else had before: Sympathy. Understanding. Bakura hadn't raised a hand or shouted, just talked, like Ryou had asked. Ryou wasn't worried. He wailed again something between misery and happiness. He wanted to shrug Yugi away from him. Yugi was part of the game, playing pretend. Ryou froze, abruptly stopped. Pretend. Oh god. That's what he heard Yami Yugi say: their relationship was pretend. Ryou hung his head. Oh god, this was all a joke. "What a scene," he mumbled. Yami Bakura had been right. He needed to see his dark again, just to see his reaction, see if it really had ended.   
  
He searched his soul to find his voice, his true voice and opened his mouth. "Yugi, please...leave me alone. Give me a minute, please." The arms around him seemed to tense and hesitate before drawing away. Ryou leaned against the wall, breathing slowly: An hour before the show. With any luck, maybe his beautiful fiend would be there.   
  
Yugi sat on his bed, kicking his legs, his toes brushing the floor while his Yami paced. "Tell me what you're thinking," the darker half said finally. The boy looked up at him. "You've shut your mind down to me." The spirit paused. "Please?" he tacked on pleadingly. Yugi closed his eyes, retreating into his soul room and unlocking the door. He hesitated before opening it. It wasn't that he didn't want his yami in his mind; it was exactly the opposite. He wanted it. Desperately. It was all he wanted. Comfort, caring. For his Yami to understand why he did the things he did. He wanted the understanding that some things he couldn't deal with alone. His Yami had a habit of being over-protective. He didn't want someone to stand in front of him; he wanted someone to stand beside him for once. The lock on the door was for spite. He wasn't letting his Yami protect him. He stepped out into the hall between their rooms and looked up at the taller, ancient waiting for him. The ancient looked at him pleadingly and suddenly Yugi felt the oddest feeling: resentment. How could one so old and powerful not understand?   
  
//How can I understand if you won't tell me what's wrong? It's not like I can break into your private thoughts.//   
  
Yugi swallowed biting back tears. /You figure it out, "King of Games"/ he gulped, covering his mouth with his hand and running back into his soul room, slamming the door and leaning against it. He felt the vibration as his darker fell against the door.   
  
//Yugi please. I don't understand! Why do you live in this dark world that girl has created for you!//   
  
The girl. Kali. Yes, Kali made the pain go away, her little medicines. But Ryou was the best drug of them all. Sometimes madness was better than reality. Especially now. He couldn't stand seeing Ryou hurt. He would make sure that yami of his would never touch him again.   
  
Bakura checked his watch. 9 pm. The show would start in a moment. He crossed the road to the club and made a line for the door, straight-backed stride. Through the door he could see the band setting up on the stage. Malik was picking at his guitar, and the others also at their respective instruments. His eyes fell on the white-haired boy setting up his microphone. Bakura would have just enough time to apologize, and maybe, just maybe.... A hand grabbed his shoulder and pushed him from his path. "Hey!" Bakura growled at the bouncer. "What's your problem?"   
  
"You are hot shot," the man growled. "You're not welcome here."   
  
"I'm not welcome many places these days," Bakura smirked. "But that doesn't stop me."   
  
"I said get lost!" The broader man shoved him back again as he tried to pass. By now any commotion in the club had stopped and all eyes were fixed on the bouncer and the fiend as they starred each other down.   
  
Bakura put on his best icy glare. "May I ask why I'm not welcome here?"   
  
"A wish from the band," the man replied. Bakura felt a sharp sting. Someone had shot a needle through his heart. He turned his head towards the stage, his eyes locked on Malik pleadingly. Malik's eyes were wide and he shook his head. Bakura understood. Malik didn't know about the request. Bakura scanned the stage, the little Yugi was looking at him darkly. But Ryou's stare was something else: It was blank. Bakura held back a cry of pain, it had been Ryou. Ryou had asked to keep him away. Bakura bit back his pain and plastered his face in fake anger as he looked at the boy, then turned and stole into the night.   
  
"Ryou?" Malik said, turning worried, violet eyes on the white haired boy. "What was that?" Ryou was speechless, they couldn't hear anything the two had said, but the murderous look on his yami's face.   
  
  
  
Bakura had never felt so dull, there was nothing, everything around him was nothing. The whole house seemed to echo memories of the hikari he had come to adore. There was no hope in Bakura now, only misery. Malik had been right back at the café, he needed Ryou, he need to feel the boy near him. He walked deftly toward the bedside table and gingerly picked up a photograph framed carefully in glass. He remembered the day, it was a few weeks after Battle City and Ryou had insisted they take Malik to the park to enjoy the day. Malik had been brooding and Ryou though he should get out more. Malik had taken the picture. It had been a joke really, Ryou had stolen Bakura's jacket and pulled it on. Bakura had chased after him and caught him in his arm then Malik snapped the picture as a petty form of blackmail. When the picture was developed it had a rather mysterious looking Bakura holding a laughing Ryou firmly. Ryou thought it was priceless and framed it, placing on his bed stand with the rest of his pictures. But now Ryou wasn't around, all that was left of their time together was this photograph. He needed the love and the tenderness Ryou offered him because he didn't have it inside him. And he wreaked it all because of stupid pride. He wouldn't say anything, he never said a word to Ryou, not a whisper of the truth. All lies. All harsh.   
  
*And I didn't think about,  
All the ways I hurt you and myself.  
And I...  
I wouldn't say a thing to you.  
I keep it to myself in  
My mind.  
All I can't stand without you  
And I won't find the answers  
When you're gone.*   
  
He let his fingers go limp and the picture slipped silently from his hands. Its glass splintered at his feet and lay dully around the lonely picture, fragmenting the image. It was ending, it was really ending. The feeling of loneliness settled on him like an everlasting evil, a dark silence that echoed in the empty room.  
  
*But it's over to you.  
I can't find the answer when you're gone.  
And it's over to you.  
But you can't find the answer where you are...*  
  
The silence had spread itself wider then Bakura dared hope. Its resonating darkness had found itself another to company. Ryou lay on the bed he shared with Yugi, making no effort to stop his sobs but muffled them in the pillow. Downstairs Yami and Yugi were fighting again, but he didn't really care. All he cared about was he had been horribly wrong, it was ending, his yami had no interest in him. But that wasn't all that was ending. This relationship with Yugi would have to end, it was falling apart. It was so obvious that Yami was in love with his hikari and Yugi returned the feelings. Ryou felt like he was in a tug of war, he was using Yugi for the sake on the loneliness, Yugi was using him to get back at Yami. There was something more too. Ryou couldn't place it but at times Yugi acted kind of funny, but he quickly passed it off as stress from this overly strange love triangle. Ryou was falling apart, there was nothing for him anymore. No one to stand beside him. No one to love him. He had been fooling himself all along. He needed his yami, need to feel the strong arms around him, lifting him up. The last remainders of the bruises on his skin had faded, leaving no marks of the lessons put on him. Even in his freedom, Ryou had covered them carefully, no one needed to now. He loved his yami, he'd forgive him if he stuck a knife in his heart. But wasn't that what he had just done? Ryou gulped a sob, that thought didn't comfort him, he still loved him.  
  
How could he have known that at the same time, the strong one he need then wasn't so strong. Bakura gazed mournfully at the picture, he wanted it to be like that again but like the picture, that hope was shattered. He rubbed his eyes, composing himself. He wished against wished that Ryou would come running through the door in to his arms. He was sorry he'd ever hurt the boy, sorry he'd ever set a finger on him. His eyes started to burn and he gulped it back, fighting the horrible urge to scream in sorrow. He's hand shook horribly as he tore open the artistic box and meddled with the paints. He hands worked blind in the pain, his eyes were blurred but his hands moves. No words, just a wild picture, each mark done with quick fury.  
  
~And you know...~  
*And you know...*  
~I need you now.  
And this ain't easy to admit,~  
~*But no one needs to know  
What goes on behind  
The door in my room. *~  
  
Ryou sat up and hugged his knees to his chest. He'd never felt more alone. Before when he was troubled or had something set before him to do it was his yami who pushed forward, he made him take the chance. His yami had been the one to fall on his knees before the dreams they chased and take the chance. Ryou didn't have that conviction in him. But his yami didn't have his love and compassion either. Two halves that together would be perfect, but they weren't together, they could never be further apart and that thought alone caused a new anger to come up in Ryou. Anger was such an odd emotion, he was alone, not complete, no one to stand beside him and keep him grounded. He'd learned the hard way with the darker's voice of reality that he was reckless. Reckless, that's what he was reckless! There was a loud smash as the vase from the bed stand Ryou had grabbed, flew against a mirror. Both shattered in a course of crystalline glass.   
  
~I'm kicking through the  
Walls in my mind.  
And I can't stand without you  
And I won't find the answers  
When you're gone  
But it's over to you  
I can't find the answer when you're gone  
And it's over to you  
You can't find the answers where you are...~  
  
Ryou looked at the splintered glass. It almost appeared to be smiling at him, flashing seductive eyes. The tears started to come up to his eyes again and he stood up, walking to the window and gazing out into the night. His yami wanted nothing to do with him, his yami wanted his own life, and Ryou wouldn't stop him if that was what he wanted.  
  
Bakura's heart pounded wildly in his chest, a dull ache filled his head. He though for a moment he was blind because it seemed darkness had closed in on him. Temporary insanity. He knew it would pass in a moment once it found a release in the art of the inks given to him, but for the moment it was like a hell fire and he was dancing in it, what else could he do? His sweet hikari had made it clear, he wanted nothing to do the fiend. His hikari, yes, his hikari; he had once had been his. He was Yugi's now, Yugi's! Living in his fictional little world.  
  
*I won't tear you down...  
~...I won't tear you down...~  
To get into the world you wanted*  
  
How could he be so weak! All Bakura had wanted was to open the shadow realm, so he could escape the world, escape his past, escape the present, and start a new reality where the ones who hurt him couldn't find him. He'd have power. But he had to stumble, had to fall in love. Mistakes! Mistakes! All mistakes! The pain seethed in him again, anger, sorrow, to many feelings. The brush ran wild over the makeshift canvas. He hadn't enough tears for what the psychopathic rod spirit had done to him, now he didn't even have words for the boy's betrayal. No he did, It's over.   
  
*I'm kicking through the walls*  
~*But no one can believe  
In things that never change...*~  
  
Bakura gave a pitiful cry, he couldn't stop it; the wild sobs seemed to come from the very bottom of his chest and up to his tear streaked face. He looked up into the face that stared back at his from the painting and a new set of sobs broke from him.   
  
Ryou turned from the window, biting back the pain. It was too much to take, too much to think about. The band, Yugi, his yami… he gave a soft moan. His yami didn't want him, no one did. He fell to his knees, digging his fingers into the carpet, shards of glass from the mirror biting his skin. He gave a small whimper and turned his hands over, looking at the red marks, nothing broke the skin but the pain was there, the cutting feeling, a memory. He picked a long piece from the floor and turned it, catching his reflection in the mirrored glass. But that wasn't his reflection, the hair, the eyes, his yami looked back at him. There was no escaping it. His yami was as much a part of him and he was part of his yami; without the other, who were they?   
  
~*But it's over to you  
I can't find the answer when you're gone  
And it's over to you  
You can't find the answers where you are*~  
  
A strange demented angel looked back at Bakura from the painting, one wing black and demonic, the other wing pure white and feathered, the dark half of the face was his own, the other half the hikari's. The Change of heart: the symbol that bound the two of them. Bakura slammed his fists in two the picture and dug his fingers into the gray paint of the angels dress. No more beautiful white haired angel to stay by his side, no more innocent loving boy to protect, no one to watch his back and make him feel that life was worth living. He had no one to support, no one to look back on him for advice. He put his hands to the burgundy background, streaking it into a wild pattern behind the angel.  
  
Ryou made his way to the bathroom, his soul crumbled around him, he could feel the pure misery, no will to fight, no will to go on. He turned the water on in the bathtub and watched it fill, there was no soothing feeling with the waters gentle tumble, but there was a sympathy and understanding. He rolled up his sleeves and fell to his knees to run his hands threw the warm water. He clenched his hands it to fists, the glass fragment still in his hand bit from the new pressure and he smiled slightly watching the red stain the water. No amount of music could heal him, there was nothing to hope without his yami by his side.  
  
*And it's over to you.*  
...And it's over to you.  
~* I can't find the answer when you're gone.  
And it's over to you;*~  
  
Ryou raised his hands from the water and admired the small cut, laying his injured hand face up on the edge of the bathtub, the water would seal his fate. He knew exactly how to move, exactly what he needed to do. He raised the glass, his vague reflection fragmented and already stained red, and brought it down on his wrist.  
  
Bakura backed away slowly from the fierce vividness of the sadistic angel, staring at it as he clasped onto the floor. The sobs slowed and he dropped his eyes to his hands, opening them slowly. Malevolent dark red paint stain them finger tips to wrists, still wet from the violent background. He sucked in a breath then buried his face in his paint stained hands "Ryou..." he whimpered.  
  
*You can't find the answer where you are...  
I can't find the answer when you're gone  
I can't find the answer when you're gone  
I can't find the answer when you're gone...*  
  
****************************************************************  
  
Cyris: Another cliffy?  
Bakura: Ryou!! This is seriously depressing!!!  
LYB: It can only get better, there's no angst in the next chapter! All happy!   
Bakura: Are we going to get a happy ending?  
LYB: Read the next chapter and you'll find out ~_^ I will tell you that it's semi-romantic.  
Bakura: YAY!! Romance for me!!  
LYB: O_oU ... Okay, who gave him suger.  
Kaiba: ^_^U... umm... Cyris? Think we should run?  
Cyris: Um... yeah... Please Review!!! It means a lot to us!!  
  
Jesse,  
Here's to you our beautiful Gutterflower. We love you so much and we'll be there with you no matter what. Besides you have a deck of your own now to battle with and you owe me a match :). No matter how hopeless things seem, they're not really, keeping looking up. Jess-man, Mr. Amazing, there's always going to be a bit off your heart in my deck and in my soul. 


	8. Sympathy

Yay!!! A semi-happy chapter!! And no, I won't let my beautiful Ryou die!! NO!!! Sorry this took so long, I hand wrote it first and re-typing things annoys me easily. Oh yeah and we're still assuming in this world, the Goo goo Dolls never wrote any songs.  
  
Bakura: This is happy? What will happen?  
LYB: You're my inspiration… what do you want?  
Bakura: I want to know what the hell is going through that boy's mind!!!  
LYB: *snaps fingers* Done!  
  
*Lyric's Ryou is singing*  
/thoughts/  
  
*************************************************************************  
Sympathy  
*************************************************************************  
  
Blood welled up around the glass where Ryou had pressed it to his skin, but couldn't bring himself to make a cut across his wrist. He couldn't finish this thing. The cut on his wrist stung. He could never remember this self-destruction as being painful before. The last time he'd done this it wasn't painful at all, it was soothing. Why did it disturb him now? Why couldn't he finish what he started? Something held him here in reality, away from the dark peacefulness of the unknown. It reminded him of the poem "Lady Lazarus" by Sylvia Plath: "My right foot  
a paperweight  
...like the cat I have nine times to die.  
This is number three...  
These are my hands, My knees.  
I may be skin and bone,  
nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.   
The first time it happened I was ten.  
It was an accident.  
The second time I meant   
to last it out and not come back at all."   
  
He seemed to pause in his own mind. For the first time as he stood on the edge, something whispered 'don't jump.' He thought no one understood or cared the first time he assigned himself to die, if he thought the same thing now, why couldn't he write his name on the list of those to be forgotten. What had changed since last time? A revelation dawned on him like a cool touch of evening air: his yami had changed. The words of the dark, light-haired spirit came back to him: "Can I offer you my sympathy?" Ryou felt his heart break again. This was his new choice: was he just being foolish about this whole estrangement or did his Yami lie? Maybe they just needed to talk. Was he the one who was wrong all along? /Step away, Ryou,/ he thought, and slowly laid the glass on the edge of the tub  
  
He quickly wrapped gauze around his wounded wrist to stop the slight flow from the puncture that had already stained the water below his arms pink. He took off his stained shirt and washed out the red stains in the tub before unplugging it. Ryou pulled on a long-sleeved, white silk shirt to hide his bandaged wrist, but let it hang open. /It's so strange, so left of center. Too many options…/ He thought to himself as he closed his eyes, listening peacefully to the silence in his soul, searching for answers.   
  
He found no answer, but what he did uncover was a melody to a new song, echoing to him. He gave a sigh, trying to analyze this new thought; he hadn't been inspired since he wrote "Here is Gone", and the pressure to write more had hindered him completely. He wandered out of the bathroom, into the bedroom, and picked up his guitar. He struck a few chords, /Not quite right./ He listened to the song in his head, and made a few more changes, then a few more until he found what he wanted. The played the song over and over until it seemed to be second nature, the enchanted melody filling the room, all it need now was lyrics. He lay down the guitar and turned out all the lights in the room, then opened the window to let in the warm summer air. He stood in the window for a few moments, just gazing up at the moon, full and beautiful. He took a deep breath, enjoying the air. Then Inspiration kissed his cheek.  
  
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~  
  
Bakura felt a sharp pain in the right side of his head and looked up. The pain vanished as sharply as it came and he shook his head. He composed himself, rising and cleaning his hands and paint set. He carefully cleaned the brush, bottles and palette, restoring it to its like-new condition, then put it away. All of which he did without much thought, except for tender appreciation of the paints. He resented this weakness he now felt deeply. It angered him, missing the boy so horribly.   
  
He pulled on his favourite green shirt, now that he thought about it, it used to be Ryou's. He pressed the green fabric to his cheek and smiled slightly, catching a faint whiff of the boy's shampoo. With the silence of a cat he walked out of the house into the moon-lit streets. He walked along oblivious, enjoying the comfort of the warm summer breeze around him. Bakura thought about the whole situation, the fresh, heated air helping him to be logical. He wandered for awhile in complete disregard of direction before raising his head to see where his feet had taken him. Just down the road, he saw the familiar outline of the game shop. /Ironic/ he thought on his normal resentful note /My feet know exactly where I want to go/ He shrugged slightly, it couldn't hurt to walk by; just to see.   
  
Bakura walked towards the building calmly, stopping just in front. The upstairs was dark, but he could see a light on in the living room, and he stepped around into the shadows of the side alley to see better without being seen himself (being a thief had the perks of knowing how to conceal yourself). In the living room he could see both Yugi and Yami; the darker was talking to the boy, obviously trying to keep calm, and Yugi just looked impatient and annoyed. No Ryou. Then a movement in the window above caught his eyes: a flash of silvery moonlight on white. Bakura looked up at the figure in a white open silk shirt. Long white hair falling over his shoulders. "Ryou," he whispered softly. The boy gazed out at the moon for awhile before a thoughtful look passed across his face and he vanished from the windows.   
  
Bakura looked after him. A new thought occurred to him: he didn't belong here. Not just at the card shop, but in Domino City. If he left, he would cause no more grief to anyone. /Just give me this last wish, sweet Hikari,/ he thought. /Let me see you. Then I'll leave you forever./ Bakura reached up and took hold of a tree branch above his head and swung himself up, climbing the tree with the agility of a cat (or in this case, a tomb robber). He leaned himself across a steady branch by the window, only intending to watch the boy for a moment. Then he would go down to the west side and say goodbye to Malik before splitting town. It would be so much better than this. Bakura watched him a moment as he stood over the bed then pick up his guitar, in curiosity Bakura decided to stay another moment and see what he would do.  
  
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~  
  
Yami sighed looking up at the ceiling, about 20 minutes before there had been a loud crash from the bedroom which silence the war with his hikari for a moment. But it soon resumed when Yami voiced that he hoped Ryou hadn't done something stupid. Yugi, still being upset from the argument took it far to personally. Yami tried to keep his temper and explain to Yugi what he thought but it was failing. He sighed, "I'm not saying anything Yugi." he insisted "It just that you can't keep the boy prisoner here forever."  
  
"Ryou is here of his own freewill." Yugi said, pressing his lips together. Yami resisted the urge to kiss the pretty little pouting mouth or scream at him for being so arrogant.   
  
"You don't understand, Yugi! He's in love with his yami! Are you blind? Or did you see the way Ryou reacted when his yami was turned away at the club tonight?" That's why he's up there mopping right now."   
  
"But look what Yami Bakura does to him! You saw how he cried earlier today!"  
  
"Yes but he never said why he so upset, it sounded to me like he was crying out for his dark spirit."  
  
"What do you know! You always have to be right! It always has to be your way! Can't you just be happy for me, instead of trying to rule me!" Yugi stormed out of the room and up the stairs.   
  
Yami bit back tears. "Your going to get hurt, my sweet light abiou…" he whispered, then silently left the house to find Kaiba, at least he listened.  
  
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~  
  
Ryou looked at his guitar a moment, then sat down on the bed. His fingers slid deftly over the string, playing out the loveliest melody Bakura had ever heard. The melody Ryou had just figured out a few moments before. Bakura leaned against the tree trunk and closed his eyes, listening. Then he heard something far more beautiful: Ryou's voice. Ryou let his fingers play and let a lyric flow from his lips: The Truth. It was nice to hear it; it was nice to understand.   
  
*Stranger than your sympathy,   
This is my apology.  
I'm killing myself from the inside out,  
And all my fears have pushed you out. *  
  
Bakura cocked his ear to the sweet music, the lyrics capturing his attentions. he slowly turned to the open window. Sympathy? Was this about him? He was fascinated by the beautiful melody and emotional words. The words stunned him, an apology?   
  
Bakura wasn't the only one captured by the song. The soft declaration had also caught Yugi's attention as he stormed past the bedroom. Confusion settled on Yugi as he paused and listened, a sense of desperation set on him. This couldn't be about Yami Bakura could it? The chords changed into that of a chorus.   
  
*I wish for things that I don't need   
All I wanted   
And what I chase won't set me free   
All I wanted   
And I get scared but   
I'm not crawling on my knees *  
  
Yugi bit his lip; Ryou was so faithful. Yugi felt a hollow feeling form in his chest; Yami couldn't have been right, he told himself stubbornly, he couldn't have been.   
  
Bakura gazed at the boy with a calm gentleness, watching the moon light play on his skin and resonating guitar strings. /No you're not crawling,/ Bakura thought, as if he were speaking to the boy, /You're just stumbling./ he shook his head slightly, lowering his eyes /I'm the one who fell. I'm the one on my knees, not you, look for far you've come with your music. I'm the one who went weak first…/ His thought trailed off, the gentle acoustic sound easing his mind.   
  
*Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah   
Everything's all wrong yeah   
Where the hell did I think I was*  
  
Yugi shook his head. Ryou was really this unhappy here? /Why are you so unhappy? It can't be him, it can't be him,/ Ryou plucked out an intricate rift, moving back into a verse. His voice floated out. Honest, direct and sincere. The music was his life at that moment. It was as much a part of him as his sparkling brown eyes and long white hair.   
  
*Stranger than your sympathy   
I take these things so I don't feel   
I'm killing myself from the inside out   
Now my head's been filled with doubt*   
  
Bakura let his mind linger on that statement and allowed himself to smile slightly, the boy had listened to what he'd said earlier. His heart felt light and relieved, but at the same time, he felt bad the boy was beating himself up so much.   
  
*And it's hard to lead the life you choose   
All I wanted   
When all your luck's run out on you   
All I wanted   
And you can't see when all your dreams are coming true…*  
  
  
Yugi sighed and leaned against the closed door and closed his eyes, dwelling on the enchanting music. "You're not happy with just the band, are you?" It was true, he knew in his heart, Ryou wanted more than just his music. Ryou put his whole being into the song, letting out his regret and fear as well as his love.   
  
*Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah   
You choke on the regrets yeah   
Who the hell did I think I was*  
  
He played a few transitions and chords once more, moving into a verse again. This verse seemed to hold his whole soul.   
  
*Stranger than your sympathy   
And all these thoughts you stole from me   
I'm not sure where I belong   
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong*  
  
Yugi raised his eyes to the ceiling, sighing to himself, Yami had been right all along. Ryou didn't belong with him. He wanted to be with his own yami. Yugi felt a tinge of jealousy, a totally new feeling for him. He wished he had that much faith in his own Yami. He would let Ryou go. Go to chase what he really wanted. Ryou played the most beautiful rift, a touching melody moving into the bridge. He watched his own fingers, the words dripped from his lips along with crystalline tears of relief.   
  
*And I wasn't all the things   
I tried to make believe I was   
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel   
Before the dreams I wanted*  
  
Ryou shook his head. No he hadn't kneeled to his dreams, it was his Yami that pushed him forward towards them. Bakura held his breath, gazing at the boy in anticipation. "Oh my beautiful," he whispered gently. "My abiou, my hikari, hear my prayer now..."   
  
* And all the talk and all the lies   
Were all the empty things disguised as me *   
  
"You're everything to me now, I understand now, I understand."   
  
*Mmmm, Yeah…*   
  
Bakura melted, seeing something he thought he'd never see again. Ryou was smiling, a small smile of relief and joy at putting these thoughts to music. Yugi shook his head, so Yami had been right all along. This imaginary relationship had come to a stop, and Yugi knew Ryou was willing to give up everything to go back to him darker. Yugi leaned his head back, he wanted to run to his own darker. Maybe if Ryou could forgive the violence don't to him, he could forgive Yami for not understanding. Yugi turned and walked away, down the stairs to find Yami.   
  
*It's stranger than your sympathy   
Stranger than your sympathy  
Mmmm….*  
  
Ryou trailed off the last chord and say quietly, a light content smile on his face, looking thoughtful. Bakura let the same smile cross his face. He closed his eyes and rested his head to the tree trunk, feeling peaceful. Ryou sighed. The song eased his mind. He wished he had the heart to let his Yami hear it, maybe the he would understand...   
  
A sound outside the open window caught his attention, a slight, barely heard rustle of cloth and for the first time he looked up. The dark-clothed figure seemed relaxed in the tree limbs, contently leaning against the tree trunk, his white hair shining in the moonlight. The image was beautiful and Ryou drew a breath; did he dare hope?... "Yami?" he whispered softly. Bakura tensed up and his sharp, dark eyes opened at his name: The boy had seen him. He turned quickly to the window, Ryou's gentle brown eyes caught his, and he felt his heart skip. A fear crept into him, surely the boy would scream or run off, but he remained still. Even so he felt he had overstayed his welcome. Without a word, Bakura dropped soundlessly from the tree and ran off down the street. Ryou ran to the window, but it was to late; the spirit had vanished into the night. Ryou sucked in his breath, his yami had been there, listening.   
  
That was it. Ryou did up his shirt and pulled on his jacket. With any luck, he could catch him before he got too far.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Yugi: *sobs* No!! Ryou!!  
Ryou: O_o u… it's okay Yugi, you can be with your own yami now  
Yugi: ^_^ Yay! *glomps Yami*  
Yami: @_@…  
LYB: Anyway, you'll have to hold that thought, On to the next chapter!!  
Bakura: Are we going to work this out soon?  
LYB: Well, there's only four more songs to go.  
Bakura: That's so comforting…  
Cyris: Well another chapter down, please read and review everyone, we would love to know what you think. 


	9. What do you Need?

Wow!! Over a hundred reviews! *does a happy dance* Oh yeah and yes, I am doing all the tracks in the order they appear on the CD, I'm not mixing them up. Oh and CheetaCat, I was planning to go somewhere with that ;) re: Bakura's painting/writing wall ^_^ With out any further adiou… chapter 8!  
  
******************************************************************  
What do you need?  
******************************************************************  
  
Ryou stood out in front of his house but hesitated, it suddenly struck him as funny that he should be afraid to go into his own home. But he had left the house to his yami and had never returned since he fled that night a month before. He had wandered around town for almost four hours now looking for his darker after he had seen him in the window. He checked all the clubs he knew the white haired spirit frequented but found nothing, he last shot was to hope his yami had returned home.   
  
The door was unlocked, so Ryou pushed it open, the house was dark but Ryou got the distinct impression it wasn't empty. He heart pounded in his chest, he no longer had the ability to sense his yami because he no longer had the ring, but instinct told him he was near. He had no idea what he would say, or even why he was here, he felt the need to explain himself and try to at least ease his mind. Ryou glanced around, he could here something soft and turned his ear toward the sound, someone was humming a tune softly and there was another sound, a soft scraping, swishing noise coming from upstairs. Ryou slowly made his way up the stairs, cautiously looking over the landing for the dark spirit who may be extremely upset by his presence. The bedroom was opened a crack, letting out a faint light that flickered slightly.   
  
Ryou pushed open the door slightly and his eyes widened in amazement, then he smiled slightly at the sight. Yami Bakura was standing in his old green shirt, he had nothing underneath it and let it hang open freely. The sleeves were rolled up and he looked like he was in thought. He held a wooden box type thing in one hand and a paint brush and ink pen in the other. He had the wall covered in white board and almost every inch of it was covered in scrawled writing and colourful motif, in the centre was the figure from the change of heart card. It was a beautiful painting, he had no idea his yami could paint so well. Ryou wondered how he could see, he had lit the room with only candles which made the picture look all the more Egyptian. The dark one was absorbed in his work, spots of ink stippled his arm and he had a smug of blue on his right cheek.  
  
Yami Bakura was caught in his own little world, one half of his mind was making a checklist of things he would have to pack to bring with him, the other refused to move off of Ryou. He was in the midst of convincing himself that there was no point in even trying to continue the relationship but something refused to let him leave. Nothing was alright anymore, not after he heard Ryou sing, everything he had though was suddenly (and once again) thrown into a black hole and disintegrated like a snowball throw straight into the fire of hell. He put some red on his brush and started to mix it with some yellow in the corner of the Bristol board, trying to paint what he thought hell might look like. "Yami?" A soft voice called to him, a chill ran up his spine and he swallowed. He knew the voice so well, loved it, carried it with him in his very soul, but he didn't dare believe that the boy was there. "Yami." the voice said again, forcing him to turn his head and look at the boy dressed in a rumpled white silk shirt and black jeans.   
  
Bakura felt apprehension seize in his chest, what did the boy come here for. True he had been seen, but he never thought the boy would come after him. "Come in," Bakura said, "you don't have to be afraid to come in, this is your room after all." Ryou sucked in a breath and walked forward, closing the door behind him. "What do you want?" Bakura said smoothly, trying to sound casual and calm, but it came off as cold and emotionless. Ryou bit his lip and stepped back feeling the iciness chill his intentions.  
  
"I…" he paused "Why were you at my window?"  
  
Bakura lay down his brush and the paint set then wiped his hands in soft red cloth he had laying near by. He wanted to say something smart and sarcastic but when he raised his head to speak he found a pair of intense brown eyes set on him. The boy stood straight, looking at him intently, Ryou wasn't afraid anymore. Bakura felt like a stag caught in the headlights of a car, what in the world did the boy expect him to say? "I… I wanted to… For the love of Ra, I don't know." he turned away, his brows furrowed in anger and started to put away his paints with harsh movements  
  
*What do you need from me tonight?  
I feel you look right through me now  
I can't pretend it's all right  
Maybe we'll find a way somehow*  
  
Ryou crossed his arms, this wasn't going like he expected, he wanted to see some trace of feeling from his darker, anything to show him that her cared or even felt. "Can't you just give me a straight answer for once in your life." Ryou said, sounding harsher then he really wanted to, "I swear to God, the day you're honest about what your feeling will be the sign that the apocalypse is coming."   
  
Bakura set down the bottle he was holding and glared at the boy. "Excuse me?" he hissed, "If I have something to say to you, I'll say it, if I don't, I won't. So back off, don't expect me to tell you everything on my mind just because you asked."  
  
"Are we going to get into this again?" Ryou said exasperated "This is the same argument we had a month ago!"  
  
"Yeah, well let's finish it this time." Bakura replied, facing the boy who had moved to stand by the bed.   
  
*Why do we need to turn it on?  
Why does it always feel so wrong?*  
  
"Good, maybe you'll listen this time." Ryou replied, Bakura opened his mouth to throw out a smart come back but stopped himself, a sorrow coming into his heart. In his own mind he saw a brief image of Malik giving him an exasperated look and muttering something about pride. Bakura gave an inward grumble; of all the people who would have envisioned as his conscience, Malik. Why did that seem so satirical? This time he would not shut the boy out, he at least had to try to control his pride. His mother had told him the day before she ran away that love was simple, you were in love or your weren't. This was far from simple, one of them wrapped up in a suffocating freedom, the other terrified love didn't exist. He gestured for the boy to continue, semi-annoyed look on his face, not yet ready to give into the boy completely.   
  
Ryou straightened himself slightly, his heart pounded but he tried to look like he was confident. "First of all," he said in stubborn tone, trying to keep the trembling from his voice, "I want to know what why you were at my window and what you were doing at the club. And I want an explanation, an emotion, a thought, anything! I'm so tired of never getting a straight answer from you!" Bakura never budged, the words froze him to the spot, he knew what Ryou wanted to hear but he doubted he had it in him to speak the truth. The truth was to strange, to complicated. "Say something!" Ryou said desperately.  
  
"Don't press me for something I can't give you." Bakura said in a hushed voice.  
  
Ryou let his shoulders slump in frustration, maybe he had been fooling himself by even coming here. "Your such a hypocrite!" He finally snapped, "You stop me in the streets to help me, come to the club and my window and listen quietly to my music, neither of which you had any right whatsoever to do! Then when push comes to shove you refuse to talk! What is your problem!?" Bakura turned away and started restacking paints partly to hide the hurt expression on his face, partly to fight the rage he felt. How dare this youth tell him what he should or should not act like.  
  
*What do you need from me tonight?  
The truth is so complicated now  
You feel so free to say  
You're wrong, you're wrong  
You're wrong, you're wrong*  
  
"Well?" Ryou said, an obvious anger in his voice.  
  
"You have no idea what your talking about." Bakura replied quickly, slapping the box cover shut and turning around, his face a mask of rage. "Don't you dare come into my world and tell me how I should act, don't you dare. You may think you know why I act like I do, but you don't. You don't know the first thing about me!"  
"Yet you can do it to me?" Ryou said accusingly, pointing a finger at himself.  
  
"I had to!" Bakura snapped, "You're destroying yourself from the inside out with this fictional reality your living in, you admitted that yourself! You don't even know why I feel like I do so don't try to psycho-analyze something you don't understand!" Ryou visibly faltered at this, and Bakura could see for the brief moment how afraid and hurt his light was. He bit his tongue again, maybe they were better off apart, they couldn't hurt each other like this. That's what it seemed like, malicious pain, a demented form of revenge to get back at each other.  
  
*Fear makes you fragile darlin'  
Hate is so heavy when you're weak  
Now we're both lost in anger  
When we're alone we'll find some peace*  
  
Ryou shook his head, "Your so cold. So cold. It's like your incapable of love, are you really that heartless? All I can gather from you is that you don't want to be loved, you want to be feared and hated. Is that it? You have absolutely no capacity for love? Do you even know how to love?" Bakura felt an angry flush come across his face.  
  
*Why do we need to turn it on?  
Why does it always seem so wrong?*  
  
"What do you want from me, Ryou!!!" Bakura screamed. The furious pain that came out in the voice cause Ryou to step back in shock and fear. "What do you want me to tell you!?" Bakura walked toward him, backing the boy into the wall. Ryou pressed himself to the wall as Bakura towered over him, he put his forearms to the wall locking the boy against it. His voice dropped to low and malicious "Don't you ever, EVER, presume something like that about me. Don't you tell me I'm wrong when your just as much to blame for this with your secrecy and private emotions as I am with my pride. So don't you try to pin this all on me, don't you dare."   
  
*What do you need from me tonight?  
The truth is so complicated now  
You feel so free to say  
You're wrong, you're wrong  
You're wrong, you're wrong  
You're wrong, you're wrong  
You're wrong, you're wrong*  
  
They stood there a moment, Ryou against the wall, Bakura pinning him there, staring at each other. Ryou's breath was deep, he was almost afraid to move. Bakura's face suddenly softened, and he shook his head gently, then raised his hand to Ryou's check, gently stroking his jaw line with his thumb. "Beautiful…" he whispered softly, "Some how you can get by, some how you survive. Tell me who you do it? How do you go on when your broken? I've watched you, for so long… when ever your heartbroken and I've done something horrible to you, somehow you go on. How do you do that? Teach me, please…" Ryou looked up into his eyes, their was an old jaded pain there, something Ryou had never seen before. He felt his heart melt, as if he were falling for him all over again.  
  
"Teach me to believe in something like you do." Ryou answered. "You never seem to falter in who you are, you always seem to know." Bakura smiled slightly and made a small noise something like laughter. He leaned his head down, letting his lips linger just above the boy's trapped beside him. Ryou raised his head slightly to let his darker kiss him, but Bakura hesitated, then raised his head.   
  
"No…" he said softly, more to himself then Ryou "I can't, I just can't…"  
  
"Why not?" Ryou pleaded, "What wrong?! Tell me! Please…"  
  
Bakura scowled and laid his forehead on the wall just beside Ryou's. "… I can't say."  
  
"Why not?" Ryou asked, he let his body relax, feeling no need to fear this closeness anymore "Why won't you tell me? What are you so afraid of?"  
  
Bakura visibly tensed, then suddenly he made a fist and smashed it against the wall in frustration, making Ryou jump slightly. Fear, fear was a weakness, he hated the idea of being weak, but he was. He couldn't deny it, the fear or the rage. He pulled way from Ryou, freeing him and turning toward the paintings on the wall.  
  
*Why do we need to turn it on?  
Why does it always seem so wrong?*  
  
"Yami?" Ryou said, slightly worried. Bakura undid one of the cuffs on his shirt, ignoring him. "Yami, what are you doing? He turned to face Ryou, undoing the other.  
  
"You want to know what I'm afraid off?" He hissed, biting his lip. "I'll show you." Bakura pulled off his shirt and threw it harshly onto the floor. Ryou's eyes were wide, staring at the darker who seemed to be consumed in a temporary insanity and now rolling up the cuffs of his jeans.   
  
*What do you need from me tonight?  
The truth is so complicated now  
You feel so free to say  
You're wrong, you're wrong  
You're wrong, you're wrong*  
  
Bakura turned around, letting his bare back face Ryou and put his hands behind his back as well. "Is this what you wanted to see?" He said, in a hurt angry tone. "Was this what you wanted to know?" Ryou couldn't say a word, he was to shocked. Ryou approached the now still spirit deftly.   
  
"What are these… these…" he stumbled, trying to find a word that wouldn't be insulting or to vague.  
  
"Scars?" Bakura offered in a mocking tone, "Marks? Obstruction?"  
  
"Scars…" Ryou murmured and reached out, but didn't dare touch them. It was obvious they were scars, but what was more painfully obvious was were they had come from. They were rope burns, they encircled Bakura's wrists in fragments and on his back, just under where his wrists sat were most scratch-like scars, showing that his hands that been bound there; his ankles were just as marked. "Who did this to you?" Ryou muttered softly.  
  
*What do you need from me tonight?  
The truth is so complicated now  
You feel so free to say  
You're wrong, you're wrong*  
  
"Who?" Bakura said in a harsh tone, "Let's see. My father was first, but that wasn't so bad, I was starting to deal with that." He paused, staring blankly in front of him, "Do you remember what you said the night you left?" He continued finally, Ryou swallowed, not sure what the darker meant. "You were right, Ryou. I do suffer and I have lost it since Yami Malik showed up, I lost more then you know…" he trailed off again. Ryou shook his head.  
  
"No," he said softly, "No you can't be serious…" he whispered it more to himself, a consolation as the true reality started to appear before him.  
  
"I'm very serious." Bakura said, he closed his eyes and stood motionless, trapped in his own world. Ryou reached out and put a hand gently on his shoulder in a vain attempt to comfort him, but Bakura flinched at the touch and Ryou quickly pulled away. "He was so fun to be around at first, so wild and daring, then his true colours started to so through. I was getting confident, I had found comfort in my quest for the millennium items and something I never thought could happen to me was, I was falling in love, with you, my beautiful, my hikari." Ryou blinked in shock, but Bakura continued, unseeing. "I'll hate him till the end of time for what he stole from me over those nights, my hope, my pride, my strength. He left me afraid. Your right Ryou, I fear you, I have no reason to, but everyone I tried to love has betrayed me. I fear anyone who touches me, that means I've let my guard down, that means I can be hurt."  
  
Bakura turned his eyes on Ryou, "Do you know where I go at night? When you wait up for me, and I'm gone with Malik? I'll tell you what we do. We sit, we talk at a small coffee shop, making beats on who can drink more coffee, we try to find a way to move on. You can't begin to understand what that son of a bitch put the both of us through, don't even try. We go out to the clubs and we dance together, something about the energy that there in the room and in the music can move you, the dance kills the pain, just like the art." He turned his head toward his mural. "We just enjoy the company, that's all I've ever done, enjoy his company, his understanding. He's taken so many steps forward, Isis held him up for awhile, now he's standing and going foreword on his own, but… I can't, not now. You were the only thing that kept me going after that spirit was banished, with your hopefulness and your sweet smile." he paused, then shook his head. Ryou gave a small noise of concern as Bakura closed his eyes tightly "I hurt you, I see that now. And Malik is right, I shouldn't have put my pain on you. But don't you dare tell me that I've never loved, don't you dare. You're wrong, so wrong."  
  
*You're wrong, you're wrong  
You're wrong, you're wrong*  
  
There was a long silence. Bakura obviously had no more to say about this revelation and Ryou's head reeled. There really wasn't anything to say. "I'm sorry." Ryou said softly, approaching him gently. "I didn't know…" There was another pause before a consoling voice replied.  
  
"Don't be sorry, Ryou. It's not your fault. You never asked for any of this." Bakura turned toward him slightly and held out his hands in front of him, examining the scars. Ryou stepped close to him.  
  
"They'll heal in time." He said, wrapping his fingers around his darker's wrists, covering the marks. Bakura stared at the boys hands a moment.  
  
"What happened to your wrist?" he said knowingly. Ryou backed away, dropping his hands then fixed his sleeve over the bandage again.   
  
"It's nothing." He said easily.  
  
"You lie." Bakura said just as easily. His voice in it's normal haunting tone as if nothing had just passed between them, as if he'd never said a word about Malik's demon counter-part. "I know your nature, Ryou. When did you do that?"  
  
Ryou turned his head slightly, avoiding the piercing eyes. "Tonight." He said in a hushed tone. Bakura nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"Before you started to play?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
There was another silence and Bakura turned back to his painting, he picked up the pen lying on the near by table and scrawled a few more words under an already existing verse. "Do you want me to tend them for you?" He said finally.  
  
Ryou blinked, breaking his trance from watched him write, admiring his catlike movements and the flexing of the strong muscles of his back. "What?"  
  
"Your cuts, on your wrist, do you want me to tend them for you?"   
  
"No." he replied rather bluntly, not sure how to take the offer.   
  
There was another silence.   
  
"I think you should go." Bakura said finally, lowering his pen  
  
*You're wrong, you're wrong  
You're wrong, you're wrong*  
  
Ryou hesitated. There was so much left unsaid, but he didn't dare say anything. "I can't, not yet." He said softly. Bakura glanced back over his shoulder.  
  
"Ryou, I'm not in the mood for it. I've drug up things for you that were better left unsaid and I try not to think about, so if you'll forgive me, I'd like to be alone."   
  
Ryou stretched out his arm and pressed his fingers to the faint red marks on Bakura's lower back. This time Bakura didn't pull away. "Please," Ryou said, "I'll never ask anything of you again if you give me just one thing, can you open your heart this once. Don't be afraid of me? I've done nothing but take whatever you've thrown at me in stride, I've never done anything to hurt you…"  
  
"Until now." Bakura cut in.  
  
Ryou swallowed and nodded vaguely. "Yes. It's stranger then your sympathy. You've always cared for me, in your strange way. Let me care for you now. I'll leave you alone, but please, later, can we talk again?"  
  
Bakura seemed to think about this for a moment. Ryou gazed at him expectantly and took another step closer to him, drawn like a magnet to the ancient, he hesitantly laid his head between Bakura's shoulder, waiting patiently for an answer. Bakura felt every ounce of air in his lungs slip away when Ryou leaned into him; his heart jumped beats. He could have died when he felt warm, slim arms wrap around his waist.  
  
"Hikari…" he breathed and turned in the boys arm. He ran his fingers through the younger's hair, then leaned down and captured the boy's lips in a tender kiss. Ryou felt something like electricity shocked through him, warming his body, he could feel himself melt into the embrace and sighed into the kiss, returning it. Bakura thought for a brief moment he would drown in the bliss that ran over him, this had to be heaven. They slowly broke apart.   
  
Bakura suddenly felt an odd sense of terror, what had he done? Likewise Ryou was shocked and gazed at the dark spirit for some sort of an explanation. "We'll talk…" Bakura offered quickly, a tremble in his voice. Ryou nodded hastily and turned for the door. Bakura leaned back against the wall, staring at the ceiling, trying to get his emotions in check.  
  
"We have a show tomorrow…" Ryou said, almost as an after though as he put his hand on the doorknob and glanced back. "Will you come?"  
  
Bakura nodded slowly, "Yes, I'll be there."  
  
Ryou could feel him heart still pounding as he nodded acknowledgement then stole out of the house. Bakura laid his head back on his painted wall and closed his eyes, listening to his racing heart beat.  
  
*Why do we need to turn it on?  
why does it always seem so wrong?*  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Bakura: *Passes out, drooling, a silly smile on his face*  
LYB: O_o… um… *nudges him with her shoe* Um… Bakura?  
Bakura: can't… talk… dreaming… mmm…..  
LYB: Ummm… yeah…  
  
If anyone want to check out a drawing I did of Bakura and Ryou in this chapter (It's Bakura with Ryou against the wall… yummy…) the address is: http://ladyyamibakura.tripod.com/ it's worth seeing and yes I drew it and no I didn't trace. I hate people asking me if I traced. You can leave a comment about it in your reviews if you like, I'd love to hear what you think of it. Thanks!  
  
Cyris: Please R&R everyone, the next chapter will prove to be… hmm… mwhahaha!!! 


	10. Smash

LYB: YAY!!! HAPPINESS!! JAY FINALLY FINISHED TYPING THIS FOR ME!!!  
Everyone: o_O U;;;  
LYB: I'm so happy!!! ^_______^  
Malik: Okay, who was the smartass who gave her sugar.  
Yami: Not me.  
Bakura: Don't look at me, I'm not suicidal.  
Yami: Uhh… guys, I just made a scarier observation…  
Malik: What?  
Yami: *fearful* we're the only three yugioh characters here…  
Bakura and Malik: O_O!!!  
LYB: *rubs her hands together, smiling evilly*  
Malik: RUN!!!  
  
LYB: I'll chase them in a minute, first of all, I have things to say ^_^   
BlackBalloon: Yes it does, but that's a secret between you and me ;) as for the painting of hell? I'll explain it in a later chapter (and read my caption to Hikaru below). Yes I have heard that song!! I love it!!  
Hikaru Imonoyama: just re read the part just before it mentions the painting, Bakura has the room lit only with candles! Mwhahaha! I love metaphors!! And the picture about the angels sounds so kawaii! I'd love to see it.  
CheetaCat: *offers a cold pack to help that bump from the wall* ^_^  
  
~!~ Special thanks to everyone who liked my picture~!~ ^___^ I feel good now and I'll draw some more just for you Spirit Guardian ;)  
  
Okay about this story: It's a 2 in 1deal. The main plot which follows the song "Smash" which is the next song on the CD Gutterflower and a rather funny side plot involving Yami, Malik, Bakura, 2 other Goo Goo Dolls songs from the CD A Boy Named Goo (which get played at the club) and many, many shots of scotch. ^_^. It has nothing to do with the CD Gutterflower or the main plot but I decided to throw it in because of the two side stories running beside the BakuraxRyou one: YamixYugi and Malik's past. So feel free to read it too, in fact PLEASE read it too. But just so you know, the side plot is set off from the main story by Gutter flowers: @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ it's worth it, trust me, specially if you like Malik and Yami. ^^  
  
LYB: *runs after her muse and glomps all three of them*  
Malik, Bakura & Yami: @_@  
LYB: YAY!!! Story time!!  
  
*Song Lyrics, as usual*  
~Bakura's thoughts~  
  
  
  
************************************************************************  
Smash  
************************************************************************  
  
"And that's what happened," Bakura concluded, then glancing at Malik, who was lying beside him under the park trees in the cool shade of night, staring at the stars.   
  
"You told him everything about my Yami?" Malik said thoughtful.   
  
"Yes," Bakura nodded.   
  
Malik turned his head, a worried look on his face. "You didn't say anything about me, did you?"   
  
"No," Bakura offered him the best sympathetic look he could manage. "Those are things you confided to me. I would never betray you like that. Those are your dark fears."   
  
Malik nodded, satisfied and turned back to the sky. "Will you go?" He asked.   
  
"Where?"   
  
"The club."   
  
"Oh." Bakura was silent a moment before opening his mouth. "That one looks like Hathor," he pointed lazily to the cloud formation, avoiding the question.   
  
Malik examined it a moment. "I can't see a cow in that. There's no way. You're just stuck dwelling on love; you're seeing the love goddess in clouds for the love of Ra. "   
  
"Well excuse me, I think it looks like Hathor." he growled. Malik laughed and rolled on his side to say something but stopped and stared curiously.  
  
"Hey what's this?" He asked reaching for Bakura's neck. Bakura smacked his hand like a mother catching her son in the cookie jar.  
  
"Don't touch. It was my mothers." He let his fingers run around the simple golden chain link necklace around his neck. "I used to wear it in Egypt after she disappeared."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yeah. I've kept it tucked away for awhile now, but I've felt like keeping something I loved close to me, since Ryou isn't anymore."  
  
Malik let his face fall, feeling his friends pain, knowing very well there wasn't much he could say to a comment like that. So he decided it would be best to change subjects. "We need to take another coffee run. It's 1 a.m."   
  
"Sorry I woke you," Bakura acknowledged. "I had to talk to you. You know everything in the background, anyway."   
  
Malik nodded. "I don't mind. I wasn't asleep anyway. Isis was a bit mad, but she'll get over it."   
  
Bakura sat up and stretched his arms. "A coffee run it is."   
  
"To the Batmobile, Robin!" Malik smirked, getting up and brushing imaginary dirt off his pants.   
  
"The wha…" Bakura gave him a strange look, slightly disturbed.   
  
"What?" Malik smiled. "You don't watch the Justice League?" Bakura continued to stare at him like he had 10 heads. "You seriously need to watch that with me and Isis sometime. It's an awesome cartoon"   
  
"Cartoon?? Aren't you a bit old for cartoons?"   
  
"Hell no! Age of maturity matches my shoe size remember?"   
  
"Sometimes I wonder about you," Bakura smiled shaking his head, knowing that Malik was only trying to cheer him up. He rose. "To the Batmobile!" he said, humouring Malik.   
  
"Sweet! I drive! " The blond cheered and ran for the motorcycle.   
  
"Hey! It's my turn!" Bakura cried and chased him. He tackled Malik around the waist and they both tumbled into the grass. Bakura pushed himself up and raced for the bike. Malik grabbed his foot and Bakura fell flat on his face again. Bakura sprang up, scrambling after Malik, who had tried once more to reach his bike. They continued to fight their way to the motorcycle until finally Bakura laid his hands on the handlebars, Malik hanging around his waist in a vain attempt to hold him back.   
  
"You're forgetting something," Malik said tactfully, brushing himself off as Bakura sat on the bike.   
  
"What?"   
  
" I have the keys, Baka!" Malik dangled the keys in front of him matter-of-factly. Bakura scowled and grabbed the keys then Malik climbed on behind Bakura as Bakura started it up. He revved the engine before spinning the bike out into the road. Bakura shook his head, letting the wind kick back his hair. Malik hooked his feet firmly on the running board and held onto Bakura's shoulders as he stood. Bakura laughed as Malik let his head fall back.   
  
"You're suicidal!" Bakura laughed.   
  
"No," Malik said. "Just crazy."   
  
"Hold on!" Bakura called back. Malik promptly sat down and braced himself against Bakura as Bakura revved the engine again, shooting off and pulling the bike into a brief catwalk before taking a sharp turn out onto the freeway.   
  
Malik pinged Bakura's ear. "Hey! I thought we were going for coffee! What are you doing on the freeway!? " he yelled over the roar of the bike and the rush of wind.   
  
"Who cares?" Bakura yelled back, "Let's just drive," Malik laughed and once more partially stood up leaning on Bakura's shoulder. Bakura laughed as Malik gave a wild, delighted scream, and Bakura pushed the bike to 110. Eventually, they made their way back into the city, cruising down what Malik had dubbed "The Domino Sun Set Strip," a string of nightclubs that came alive at night.   
  
Malik tightened his grip around Bakura "Should we dance tonight? Kills stress and questions better than caffeine."   
  
Bakura nodded. The idea was a good one. Bakura allowed Malik to pick their club for the night and they sat themselves down next to each other in a corner booth, soaking in the exotic pound of the music. They sat awhile, casually taking shallow drinks from hard liquor. Two girls passed them by, eyeing them up, then circled back to them. Bakura moved close to Malik, reaching over him in a sensual way to take Malik's dark rum and drink from it. Just as casually, Malik dropped his arm over Bakura's shoulder and stole Bakura's Brandy. The girls looked mildly disappointed and passed by. The two boys separated. "We've gotten so good at that. Gee, you'd think we're gay…" Malik said softly, taking back his rum.   
  
"Hey, if the shoe fits." Bakura smirked. He took his Brandy back. "How can you drink that shit?" he said pointing at the rum. "It tastes like fucking old spice and burns your mouth!"   
  
"Well, your Brandy is rich enough to skin a cat," Malik responded, spreading his arms across the back of the seat. "Have you decided about Ryou yet?"   
  
At the mention of the boy, Bakura took another drink from his glass. "No," he answered, rolling the alcohol around the glass, looking at it thoughtfully. "I felt like such an idiot, kissing him like that. You should have seen the expression on his face. I couldn't figure it out for the life of me. I still can't figure him out, sometimes."   
  
*Hey...what are you thinkin'  
I tried to read your face  
Say...say what you're thinkin'  
Don't carry round that pain*  
  
"You think he didn't mean his invitation?"   
  
"I don't know. He's still hurting, I think. I hurt him more than any person deserves." Malik nodded, accepting this. "I really thought he would cry when he came to me tonight." Bakura sighed. "But what he did was for worst…"   
  
*Every time I see you pickin' at yourself  
I love...I love when things work out*  
  
"What can be worse?" Malik said, turning to look at him, taking a drink.   
  
"He cut open his wrist again."   
  
Malik coughed suddenly, then snuffled. Bakura raised a brow, concluding some of the rum must have gone up the nose. Malik coughed again. "Say what?"   
  
"Tried to kill himself, but didn't get too far; he only had one wrapped."   
  
Malik shook his head. "That bad hu? Oh Horus… I swear you must be made for each other." Malik half-smirked. "You go insane apart."   
  
*Smash...I heard ya cryin'  
Seven times this year  
Crash...but now you're smilin'  
Holdin' back your tears*  
  
"You think?" Bakura said thoughtfully. "That we're made for each other?"   
  
Malik offered a sincere smile and nodded. "I hope this all works out for you."   
  
"I hope so too, or I'll belong in the nuthouse soon."   
  
"You already belong in the nuthouse!"   
  
"True." Bakura smiled sadistically   
  
*Every time I see you pickin' at yourself  
I love...I love when things work out  
Ya, every time I see you torturin' yourself  
I love...I love when things work out*  
  
Bakura letting his face fall blank once again "I'm not sure what to do, Malik. I can't believe I did that!"   
  
"Told him? I've been telling you to do that for months. It's probably good that he knows; just give him a bit of time. He knows what your limit is now. He's learned your fears and inner war. He has to deal with that, just like you have to deal with his passion for music and his…" he paused, trying to find the right word.   
  
"Self-destructiveness?" Bakura offered. Malik nodded once more, but Bakura shook his head. "I'll do everything in my power to save him from the self-destruction. I've fallen in love with his music, and that wasn't even that I met! But… Malik… I'm dying. I think I am." Malik looked at him, eyes wide. "I'm hoping to crash myself into the ground. What I meant was taking him into my arms. I can't believe I did it. Even now I can feel it, I can feel him pressed against me, his heart beating. Living, breathing, warm in my arms." Bakura subconsciously licked his lips. Malik raised his brow.   
  
"You liked it, huh?"   
  
Bakura shook his head. "It was incredible. It was like electricity when I put my lips to him. I couldn't resist." Malik nodding thoughtfully. "I don't think I can go on without him."   
  
"Tell him so." Malik said, flashing his trademark mysterious grin. Bakura opened his mouth to say something, but quickly polished off his Brandy instead. "At least come to the show like he asked. You never did tell me if you would."   
  
Bakura was silent a moment. "I don't know. I've upset him enough."   
  
"He asked you to, and you nodded. You'll upset him if you don't. Talk to him. Just talk to him. Better yet, let him read the things written on your walk. Run home to him like you want." Bakura let a smile cross his face and picked up Malik's glass, pouring a mouthful of the drink into his own and put it back on the table. He raised his glass.   
  
"To my hikari," he said looking at the glass. "I'm coming back to you." Malik laughed and lifted his own glass.   
  
"Here here," He smiled. They both downed their drinks.   
  
*And I see it from another place right now,  
I'm comin' home before I hit the ground  
Right back where I want to be right now  
  
Smash  
And I feel it.  
Smash,  
And I feel it.  
Smash  
And I feel it,  
Right now…*  
  
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~   
  
They sat for another short while when a song started to pound itself out on the club speakers. A dark, warped tune, something made to move to. Malik closed his eyes and tapped his fingers to the beat. He got to his feet and held out a hand to Bakura. "Shall we kill our thoughts for a minute?" Bakura pushed himself up and they somehow pushed through the crowd into the pale neon on black of the dance floor.   
  
Getting into the movement was slow at first. Bakura closed his eyes and caught the beat with a few tosses of his head before raising his arms into the movement of the song. Another form of art. He let his shoulders dip to the music, moving his hands and fingers in a gentle elegance as he stretched and flexed his arms. He twisted and turned in the ocean of faded white light and dark and the ever moving current of sound. His arms curled in and unravelled themselves upward, letting his body break itself into the pounding beat. He tossed his head with the beat, working his white hair into silvery wisps hat fell across his face. He let his senses rock shut and let his limbs twist and curl something like a weeping willow caught by a flame. There was no thought to movement when the music thought for you.   
  
Malik awoke his senses long enough to look at Bakura, and he laughed slightly noting how the light caught his pale skin and hair, giving him the image of a white angel thrown out of heaven and fallen from grace for being too much like himself. His body was twisting to the music, a moth caught in a flame. Malik closed his eyes and caught himself in the music once more.   
  
The song shifted into that of another, Malik smirked but knew in his heart Bakura had paused. "Is that…?" Malik opened his eyes long enough to nod and smile.   
  
"Yes, that's Ryou. This is an earlier Stardust Goddess song."   
  
"Thought you had no albums."   
  
"We don't, but we have demo tapes floating around."   
  
"Oh." Both of them wrapped themselves up in the music again.   
  
*Oh here you are, there's nothing left to say.  
You're not supposed to be that way…  
Did they push you out? did they throw you away?  
Touch me now and I don't care.  
When you take me I'm not there.   
I'm almost human, but I'll never be the same…  
  
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own…  
Long way down, I don't want to live in here alone.  
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own…*   
  
"Did Ryou write this?" Bakura asked over the music.   
  
"Sort of," Malik answered. "It was a collaboration on both our parts."   
  
Bakura twisted with the music. "I understand, you gave him one of the pages you wrote about your yami."   
  
"Yes, but doesn't it fit the moment?"   
  
Bakura nodded, turning up his arms to the ceiling, wreathing his wrists, letting his body move to the music.   
  
*I never put you down, I never pushed you away.  
You're not supposed to be that way.  
And anything you want, there's nothing I could say.  
Is there anything to feel?   
Is it pain that makes you real?   
Cut me off before it kills me…  
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own…  
Long way down, I don't want to live in here alone.  
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own…  
  
I never put you down, I never pushed you away…  
Take another piece of me,  
Give my mind a new disease ,  
And the black and white world never fades to grey…  
  
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own…  
Long way down, I don't want to live in here alone.  
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own…  
On my own…  
On my own…  
I'm on my own…*   
  
Bakura opened his eyes and gave a smiled look at Malik, who had his arms tucked behind his head and tossed his head to the music, stirring up the locks of his silk strained gold hair. Bakura laughed, Malik always knew how to get his spirit up. He was feeling pretty good and his mood was picking up and with it, his confidence and will. He would go to the concert.   
  
He suddenly caught something from the corner of his eye and turned his head. That was interesting. He poked Malik in the chest and Malik snapped back to reality. Bakura pointed at the figure, now sitting at the table they had once been, placing an order. "What the hell is he doing here?" Malik said in slight surprise.   
  
"Dunno." Bakura answered. "What the fuck would the pharaoh be doing on our level?" Bakura nodded with his head toward the table, a silent way of saying 'should we join him?' Malik nodded. They got to the table just as the bargirl got back with 3 tequila shots and had lined them up. Bakura came up behind Yami as he downed the first shot and pop a lemon slice into his mouth. Bakura leaned over him, wrapping his arms about Yami's shoulders.   
  
"Hey pharaoh!" He said in a sarcastically perky voice. "What's new?" Yami gave him a look of surprise but it quickly turned to annoyance when he realized Bakura had only leaned over him to steal his remaining drinks. Bakura handed one to Malik. "You seriously weren't going to drink all of that, were you?" Bakura said, quickly sucking on the palm of his hand before drinking the tequila. He quickly slid in beside Yami and stole a lemon to suck on.   
  
"Yes, I was." Yami said sourly. "Before you took it."   
  
"I never knew you to be a drinker," Malik said plopping down beside Bakura and doing the tequila drinking ritual quickly.   
  
"I can drink," Yami growled.   
  
"Three tequila in a row?" Bakura raised a brow. "What are you trying to do? Trash yourself?"   
  
"Yes." Yami said bluntly, leaning back and crossing his arms. Bakura and Malik exchanged a look of surprise and concern. "I'll assume you two are here to do the same."   
  
"No," Malik said leaning on the table, a slight smirk on his face. "We came here to dance; the alcohol is a bonus. We rarely ever get completely drunk." He cast a glance at Bakura who nodded slightly in an unspoken language. "But I suppose if you want to get trashed we can help you out."   
  
Yami scowled. "I don't need your help."   
  
Bakura growled. "Why do I feel like that was directed at me?"   
  
"Because it was." Yami spat.   
  
"Oh bite your royal tongue!" Bakura snapped. "What's your problem tonight?"   
  
"It's none of your business!" There was a brief silence before Yami spoke. "Why the hell are you two dancing?" Yami looked at them, the absurdity of the situation dawning on him. The two most bitter and anti-social people he knew dancing? Bakura flagged over the waitress, and ordered a bottle of scotch, an Irish cream, a whiskey sour, a Manhattan and three shot glasses. "What's all that for?" Yami asked.   
  
"If you're going to drink, drink right. Shooters and chasers." Yami looked confused. "Drinking has come a long way since your mead and wine, your majesty." Bakura smirked. "As to why we're here, I had a bit of a run in with Ryou tonight and it drag up things I'd be happy never to think of again. So Malik was gracious enough to step out with me while I argue with myself, curse my life and Malik's, and brood the fact that your little hikari has the one I want." Bakura cast him a look. "Now what about your highness?"   
  
Yami looked mildly amused. "You talked to Ryou?"   
  
"He did more than talk," Malik smirked and grabbed a shot glass and the scotch as the waitress set out the rest of the drinks. Bakura smacked the back of his head, then paid the girl before turning back to Yami.   
  
"I'm not about to tell you my life story. And besides, I asked you a question." Bakura pushed a shot glass and the Manhattan toward Yami.   
  
"What's this for?"   
  
"Okay," Malik explained, pouring a shot of scotch for the 3 of them. "First you drink the scotch." He proceeded to do so. "Then you take your side drink…" Malik picked up his whiskey sour and sipped on it. "The side drink kills the taste of hard stuff, plus has alcohol so you get twice the liquor. Even more intriguing still, after you take a drink from the sweet drink you're willing to take another shot. You get drunker faster."   
  
Yami seemed satisfied with this and proceeded to copy Malik's example with his own set of drinks. "What's this called again?" He asked before reaching for the drink.   
  
"It's called a Manhattan. You'll like it, trust me. It's right up your alley." Yami looked at him suspiciously but drank it anyway and nodded his head in approval. "So you normally drink like this?"   
  
"I prefer a good brandy," Bakura replied. "But will you just answer the question?"   
  
"Hikari troubles." Yami said coolly, taking down another scotch.   
  
"What's wrong with Yugi?" Malik started. "Wait a minute, let me guess, you're in Bakura's spot."   
  
"It's more complicated than that." Both Bakura and Yami answered back. They looked at each other and shrugged, then each took a shot.   
  
"I know Bakura's situation, but I thought you and Yugi adored each other. I think an explanation is in order." Malik drank two shots in a row as he spoke.   
  
Yami sighed. "He's depressed about something and it's driving him down deeper and deeper. He's getting edgy and defensive. Well, you know what people are like. This is killing me! He won't tell me what's wrong; he refuses to listen to me. He keeps pushing me away. This Ryou thing has made it worse. He won't listen to me when it comes to Ryou." Bakura gave him a mean look. "I say nothing bad about your light other than he's not right for mine."   
  
Bakura nodded. "I agree. Continue."   
  
"I just miss him. I fought with him tonight until I thought I would kiss him or lock myself in my soul room and refuse to come out. I talked to Kaiba for a while tonight, too. Kaiba is quite sure the boy is a druggie, and I think he's right…" Bakura just looked slightly amazed. If such a thing was possible with Yugi… he took another shot rather quickly in an effort to deaden the impact the statement made on him.   
  
Malik just nodded. "It's no wonder."   
  
Bakura and Yami looked at him, wanting explanation. "Living with a Yami is never an easy task. Trust me, I've had one. You two can't even start to comprehend what it's like to live up to this thing in your head. True, it was an extremely different situation than the ones you're both in, but the idea remains the same. Your lights are tired of being pushed aside." Bakura looked wistfully at his empty shot glass. Yami just looked confused.   
  
"I've never pushed aside my abiou," Yami protested. "I love him. I'd do anything for him."   
  
"Have you told him so?" Bakura said, filling his glass with scotch and drinking it. Malik closed his mouth, looking satisfied that Bakura had said exactly what he was about to. Yami slumped down and folded his arms, looking defeated.   
  
"I suppose not," he replied dully. Bakura took a quick drink of his Irish Cream.   
  
"Trust me, not saying anything gets you into more trouble than just saying it. I wouldn't be sitting here now, that's for sure."   
  
"Yugi…" Yami murmured. "I want to save you from falling, but how did you start to fall in the first place?"   
  
Malik downed another scotch along with Yami before speaking. "Because of you, probably. He probably saw you as the cooler part of himself. Your the part everyone recognize and saw and thought was Sooooo great."   
  
"Plus you stand over him, guarding him like a 10-foot-wall: Your stubbornness." Bakura added untactfully, using stubbornness as an adjective for highness, then added another checkmark to his total of shooters.   
  
Malik gave the white haired spirit a lazy glare and pointed a finger at him. "The booze is making your tongue loose."   
  
Bakura smacked his hand away. "I'm just preachy."   
  
Yami smiled slightly before Malik poured them all another shot and continued. "Well it's true, you watch him like a hawk. He probably wanted to do something for himself."   
  
"Crack?" Yami questioned sarcastically, raising a brow and drinking his scotch a bit slower this time.   
  
"Well, that's just following the crowd," Malik said pointedly, taking a sip from his whiskey sour to wash down the scotch. "He probably got fooled into taking it when you weren't around. Yug's a trusting soul. He's innocent. More than likely he had no idea what he was getting into. He maybe still doesn't. Not really his fault or choice"   
  
"So there's still hope?"   
  
"There's always hope," Bakura said thoughtfully. "You just have to find it. The kid isn't a full fledge junkie or anything, at least not that I can see. He's just caught up in a bad world." He pointed a finger lazily at Yami. "Get him out. Just don't make it sound like you're the one who's right. He has reasons too, you know. You're not the only one, pharaoh, who has a way to kill pain." Bakura motioned to the nearly empty scotch bottle Yami was pouring another 3 shots from.   
  
Yami nodded, accepting this as well. "Yugi's just happens to be whatever's offered to him," Yami concluded Bakura's thought, taking the shot he poured. Malik followed the example, but Bakura didn't touch his. He just sipped at his like Irish Cream.   
  
"You know, it's funny when you think about it," Bakura said, unusually calm for himself. "Life or fate, or whatever the hell rolls the dice has somehow managed to roll us all together in a losing game. We've lost everything, yet we struggle to get above it. But what we need to go forward is out of our reach."   
  
"Yeah, it's kinda strange that we'd all end up here," Malik said, leaning back and spreading his arms across the back of the corner seat, lounging. "In this bar, killing our pain. Well… when Bakura and I came here we had no intention of drinking ourselves into a philosophical conversation, we came to dance."   
  
"Well, thank you for keeping me company," Yami nodded then closed his eyes; the light starting to hurt them.   
  
"It's no good to drink alone," Bakura smiled slightly, surprising Yami.   
  
"You surprise me sometimes Bakura. Just when I think I have you figured. I always wondered what Ryou saw in you."   
  
"What do you see in me?" Bakura smirked at him. "I can look at you and call you an arrogant egotistical power-tripped pompous royal asshole, but then I'd be lying because in the back of my mind, I know now you'd jump head first into your own little hell because of your hikari. I see you now not as strong as you'd have us believe. The personas we put on everyday are far different than how we usually are. Our personas often try to make up for the things we lack so we look normal."   
  
"So this is a breakdown of reality, in a sense. We're seeing each other as we see ourselves."   
  
"I'm going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow." Malik groaned, rubbing his head. Bakura laughed and knocked his shoulder against Malik's playfully, but was a bit too light-headed to sit back up again, so he just leaned against Malik and drank the shot Yami poured him a while before. Malik didn't seem to mind the contact and laughed at the white-haired boy and poured another shot for himself and Yami, both of which were taken down quickly. "You're going to be at your limit soon, Baku."   
  
"Nonsense!" Bakura replied. Yami smiled vaguely, feeling slight jealousy towards the other spirit and former hikari. Somehow they were bonded to each other. They argued like hell, but they were close. At that moment they had started to argue over which was better: Irish cream or whiskey sours. Yami laughed at the two but promptly laid his head back, feeling slightly dizzy.   
  
"Ooo! The pharaoh's out of it!" Malik said, sounding like a giggling schoolgirl.   
  
"Oh shut-up." Yami replied, pointing his finger. "You …hey…why are you two so close? Are you together?"   
  
Both of them stiffened up and pulled apart. "Hell no!" They both snapped, then glared at each other.   
  
"You are so of base there," Bakura said, putting a hand on Yami's shoulder heavily. "You see, Malik and I have escaped from hell together, and we've been together ever since. I love Ryou, yeah? Malik tried to help me get him back when Yami Malik banished him…even gave me his Sun Dragon…but that backfired… we both got screwed on that one,"   
  
"Because you wouldn't listen to me you arrogant ass." Malik said pointedly, poking Bakura.   
  
"Well how was I supposed to know he was going to one-turn-kill me!?"   
  
"If you had listened to me you wouldn't have lost!"   
  
"It was a fluke! It's not my fault!"   
  
Yami rolled his eyes, joining the argument. "Well whose fault is it? I'll kick his ass for making me share a soul room with him," Yami pointed at Bakura. "Until the ring was given back."   
  
"Oh bite me." Bakura growled. "Is this lets-gang-up-on-the-tomb-robber night?"   
  
"Don't make me answer that," Malik chided.   
  
Yami laughed again, then sighed, missing the emotional closeness. "I miss calling out to my hikari. He doesn't talk through our link much anymore."   
  
"Talk to him instead. Just ramble through your link. Let your emotions go through, so he can understand." Malik offered. The music seemed to melt down to a much softer song. Malik smiled. "Oh, another Stardust Goddess."   
  
"Is this one yours?" Bakura asked. Malik shook his head, and his smile softened. "Ryou wrote it based on something Isis wrote for me. But I can hear other voices in it. That's the way with music. It means something different but just as important to everyone." They turned their ears to the music, and listened, each hearing a different song. True to Malik's words, they all heard a different voice besides Ryou's. Malik heard his sister calling to him, as well as himself worrying over Bakura's sanity. Yami heard his own voice crying his pleas to his beloved hikari and Bakura heard his own beautiful prayer back to the angel singing. Bakura closed his eyes. ~I feel it, Ryou. ~…  
  
*And even though the moment passed me by,  
I still can't turn away .  
  
I saw the dreams you never thought you'd lose  
Tossed along the way .  
  
The letters that you never meant to send,  
Lost or thrown away.  
  
And now we're grown up orphans   
That never knew their names,  
We don't belong to no one   
That's a shame.  
You could hide beside me,  
Maybe for a while  
And I won't tell no one your name…  
And I won't tell name.  
  
The scars are souvenirs you never lose,  
The past is never far.  
  
And did you lose yourself somewhere out there?  
Did you get to be a star ?  
  
Don't it make you sad to know that life  
Is more than who we are?  
  
We grew up way too fast   
And now there's nothing to believe;  
The reruns all become our history.  
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio,  
And I won't tell no one your name…  
And I won't tell your name.  
Mmm, mmm, mmm,  
No, I won't tell your name…  
  
I think about you all the time,   
But I don't need the same.  
  
It's lonely where you are,  
Come back down,  
And I won't tell your name…*  
  
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~ @~8~   
  
Bakura let him eyes flutter open and growled in his throat releasing his head pounded, but at least he was thankful he wasn't stomach sick. He closed his eyes again to block out the painful light now creeping through the cracks in his curtains and let the previous nights events play through his head. The place he thought he'd end when he was sitting in the tree outside Ryou's window last night, was at a bar getting drunk with Malik and Yami, all of them sharing secret pains and advice. He concluded two things, one, Yami wasn't all _that_ bad and two, he was never getting that drunk again; it made him do strange things, like be relatively friendly to Yami. Then the though occurred that the only reason they started drinking heavily was, in an odd way, to help out Yami. ~I'm getting soft~ Bakura sighed in his mind.  
  
He pushed himself out of bed and wandered towards his ever growing mural of paintings and poetry. He looked up at his version of the change of heart angel. "Ryou…" he sighed and closed his eyes. In his mind he could feel the boy's skin, hear his voice and see his pale angelic face, blank with the strange stare that greeted his kiss the night before. Bakura glanced around then picked up the ink pen from the drawing kit, thinking of the conversation he had at the club, the started to write once more on the wall:  
"Hey,  
What are you thinking  
I tried to read your face…"  
  
After adding few more lines he read it over and smirked slightly, knowing exactly how to conclude it:  
  
"And I see it from another place right now,  
I'm coming home   
before I hit the ground  
Right back where I want to be right now  
Smash  
And I feel it.  
Right now…"  
  
He stepped back and nodded approvingly, for the first time in what seemed like years he felt relieved and happy, "I'm coming back to you, Ryou." he said, a true smile played across his lips. He grabbed his shirt which was lying on the floor where he had left it the night before, the clock chided him that it was already almost 4 pm (which wasn't surprising considering he only crashed somewhere around 5.) and he had a concert to get to.  
  
  
********************************************************************  
  
LYB: She told ya the side story was worth it, Yami! Yami?  
Yami: *hick* x_x…  
LYB: o_O  
Malik: He'll be okay in awhile.  
LYB: I hope so! He just made a lot of progress with his hikari problems!  
  
Cyris: Please R&R, and I'll apology's for my mistress if everyone is slightly ooc in this chapter and that it was so damn long…. 


	11. Tucked Away

Chapter 11! Revised! I was reading my reviews and one said I should use spell check. I thought "Um. what the hell?" and went back and read the posted story over. I realized I posted the unedited version I had on my computer o_o U;;; So I reposted this one! It's exactly the same, only less grammar errors. Thanks saki for pointing that out for me!!! I never would have known if you didn't mention it!  
  
I'm on track 11!! Sweet!! OMG!!! 136 reviews ::hugz every one of her reviewer:: Thanks Everyone!!  
  
Bakura: Nice! I'm loved!  
  
Ryou: ^_^ thank you!  
  
Malik: *Blows kisses to all his fan girls* Thank you, Thank you!  
  
Yami: O_o... You're so arrogant. Domo Arigatou everyone.  
  
Yugi: *pouts* she made me a druggy... I can't believe it...  
  
LYB: Semi-druggy. How about I promise to make you better?  
  
Yugi: Really?  
  
LYB: Yup!  
  
Yugi: ^_________^ Thanks everyone who wanted to see my happy and healthy again!!!  
  
Fan Girls: *run up and start chasing down the beautiful muses*  
  
All: O_O!!! RUN!!!!  
  
LYB: *watches as all her muses get glomped*  
  
Muses: @_@...  
  
LYB: *Reading her reviews* Wow! I've shamelessly promoted the Goo Goo Dolls. *Hands gives Ryou and Yami B plushies Hikaru Imonoyama and Psycho Mime ^_^* The CD is worth getting. If you've liked this story I promise you won't be disappointed with the CD if you get it.  
  
Bakura: Your worst then me.  
  
LYB: I know... I'm a sad, sad person.  
  
Ryou: ^_^ I don't think you are Lady Yami.  
  
LYB: *gets starry eyed* You mean that hikari ?  
  
Ryou: Yup!  
  
LYB: *glomps him* YAY!!!  
  
Ryou: ^_^  
  
LYB: AWWW!! Your so Kawaii!!! I think I'll make this chapter yours today!  
  
Ryou: Yay!!!!  
  
Bakura: O_O! He gets a chapter just for being cute!!!  
  
LYB: Yup!  
  
Bakura: _!  
  
Cyris: That's the breaks Bakura.  
  
Bakura: Oh be quiet Mr. Prince o' darkness!  
  
LYB: *Tackles Bakura* Your so cute when your angry!!  
  
Bakura: @_@....  
  
Cyris&Ryou: O_o U...  
  
Cyris: Um... mistress, the chapter?  
  
LYB: Hmm? Oh yes. On with the story!!!  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Tucked Away  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Ryou stood in the park overlooking the pond, on a slight rise above it, near by an outcrop of rock which hung over a deeper part of the lake, though the whole thing was relatively shallow and an easy swim from side to side with no plants in it and a cobblestone man-made bottom. Once it a while he could see a glint of gold below the surface and wondered mournfully if it had once been his. It was mid-morning and it seemed like a good time to be alone with his thoughts. In his mind he could still see Bakura's eyes gazing at him with that same hurt expression he had seen the night before. He mentally kicked himself, he shouldn't have gone after him. It was totally uncalled for and now Bakura had put up another wall between them, or had they torn one down? Ryou brushed his fingers to his lips, he could still feel the hot touch of his yami's lips on his and he trembled slightly. Once more he had managed to turn their whole relationship over all because he wanted to prove something. What had he even gone after his yami for in the first place? /To show him that he was right, that I'm so much more then he thinks./  
  
*Well I saw you once  
  
Then I blew it for the next ten thousand days  
  
Shoulda packed away  
  
I needed to go back and show you  
  
I needed to go back, I know it's wrong  
  
I'll have to get along*  
  
"Lost in thought?" a voice said from behind him. Ryou perked up, putting on his mask of happiness and turned his head slightly.  
  
"Hello Yami." Ryou greeted as the former pharaoh stepped up beside him. "How are you this morning?"  
  
"Fighting one hell of a hang over." Yami replied, rubbing his temples before flashing a lazy smile. Ryou gave him a look.  
  
"Shouldn't you be in bed then?" Ryou laughed slightly. Yami sighed.  
  
"Yugi wasn't impressed with me turning up at 4am three sheets to the wind so I decided it was best to come out and clear my head with air."  
  
"What inspired you to go out and get wasted?" Ryou chuckled, "You don't seem like the type."  
  
"In a round-about way, you did." Yami said, looking out over the pond.  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes. I suppose it's not beyond you that Yugi and I fight over your relationship. And no, it's not because I dislike you or anything of the sort, but I do worry about you."  
  
Ryou fake laughed "Why should you worry about me?"  
  
Yami just offered a sympathetic smile. "Because your not happy. You're with Yugi only to put up an act. Because you love your yami." Ryou sighed in response, letting his mask fall into a tired, sad smile. Yami just ran a hand through his hair.  
  
*Mama just called and said she's tucked away  
  
Mama just called and said she's tucked away another day  
  
Mama just called and said she's tucked away  
  
Momma just called and said she's extra sad today*  
  
Yami continued. "I just had to get out of the house for awhile, went and talked to Kaiba till he kicked me out because Joey came over." Ryou smirked at the comment before nodded for Yami to continue. "I wandered for awhile before ending up at a bar down on the strip. And I ran into your Tomb Robber and Malik."  
  
Ryou scowled and visibly bristled, "Oh? What were THEY doing there?"  
  
"Dancing, of all things. Shocked the hell out of me."  
  
Ryou looked at him like he had ten heads. "Dancing?" He paused, remembering his yami had said something the night before about how he danced to kill pain and suddenly felt a bit guilty.  
  
Yami nodded, "Yes. The three of us sat around most of the night till we were pretty well gone. Just talking, interesting the things you learn."  
  
"My yami didn't try to kill you or anything?"  
  
"No, he was pretty civil thanks to dancing his frustrations out and the few drinks he had in him. I learned a lot last night. Such as where you vanished to last night." Ryou stiffened.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Yami sat down on the grass, Ryou looked down at him. "Yes, Bakura was talking about it. He was in quite a state."  
  
"What did he say?" Ryou asked, dropping down beside him.  
  
"He was upset, having quite the inner debate." Yami admitted, he looked at Ryou , "Do you love him?" Ryou was shocked and felt his face flush red.  
  
"I. um."  
  
"I thought you did. It's apparent." Yami went back to looking at the water. "What are you waiting for Ryou?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Ryou asked, raising a brow.  
  
"Why did you go to him last night? Even went as far as to kiss him. You risked your emotions to run and see him, why?"  
  
Ryou thought a moment. "To prove everything I know about love wrong. That maybe all the old saying are wrong. I saw him sitting in my window last night? Did he tell you that? He was listening to me sing. I had to find out if that meant something, I had to find out if there was something there, anything at all. I was tired of being a love-sick cliché and I wanted an explanation. For why he was in my window, for why he insists on plaguing me, for why he does the things he does. And unfortunately I got my answer. I know how selfish it was but I had to show him, I had to show him what went wrong. I had to make him listen."  
  
*Well I spent the whole day yesterday on clichés about love  
  
Makin' me remember when your pushes became shoves  
  
I wanted to go back and show you  
  
I needed to go back, I know it's wrong  
  
I'll have to get along*  
  
"he listened." Yami smiled gentle. "Believe me. He amazed me that's for sure, with his debating."  
  
"He did?" Ryou said, trying to take in this information  
  
"Yes. He worries about you, you know. All while you were gone, Malik says he was kicking himself over how torn apart he had made you."  
  
"He made me?" Ryou said questioningly, normally he would have said that was true but resent events made him think. "No, it wasn't him who tore me apart."  
  
"No?" Yami said curiously, partly hiding a knowing smile. "Who then?"  
  
Ryou didn't look up, just looked wistfully at the lake. "I did it, to myself..." he trailed off slightly but when Yami made no remark, he continued with his thoughts "I though the world had answers, I took the risk of believing the world had more for me, but I just ended up getting caught in the act. The Worlds a Stage! Isn't that the truth... and I was it's poor player. Such a poor player I forgot I was acting, in I got caught up in the ruse, the lies, everything pushed me down further and further and it was choking me. Everything screamed at me. My argument with yami was my last straw, I couldn't take the noise, being alone. But then... I really was alone... and I still couldn't see the truth, and no one else around me could either. Only he came to save me, to pull me up and then...." Ryou paused, realizing he had been rambling, he blushed slightly.  
  
"And then?" Yami prompted.  
  
Ryou glanced at him and seeing Yami was truly listening he decided to continue "I heard the truth, threw all the noise. I was never alone, just to caught up to relies it. None of them knew it, none of them knew the truth and it kept changing, overnight things got worst for me."  
  
"And for him." Yami added. Ryou made a non-comment-al noise before throwing a rock toward the lake and watching it skip across the surface. "Don't believe that?"  
  
Ryou sighed in response. "It's just... He seems to know everything about me, everything I am. But I don't, I don't know a thing about myself. I've never really ~been~ myself, I had nothing to believe in. But he always did. He doesn't falter in who he is, he knows who he is, I want to believe in something like he does. I want to know he can love me back."  
  
"Why do you think he can't?"  
  
"I don't know! It's just.... HIM! He's always been cold and emotionless, I've had bruises to prove it. But I look back now and wonder." Ryou shook his head and rested his chin on his knees. "They can be part of his lie too. He says he can't tell me what I need to hear, denies he has it in him. But I've seen the truth behind that. Though I've seen him care too. Even after all this time, what happened to him still haunts him. It's almost like Yami Malik and what happened to him hang over him like a shadow and now what I have to decide is who in the end does he listen to, the past, or his pride..."  
  
Yami raised a brow, this time in genuine curiosity "Yami Malik?" Ryou bit his lip, he had said far too much. He looked at Yami who only looked sincere. "I won't say anything. On my word as a pharaoh, Ra can strike me down." Ryou smiled slightly, it sounded ridicules in the modern day but he was well aware Yami was from a time of difference beliefs and meant it quiet seriously.  
  
"You know how he hates being confined?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And only lets Malik near him most of the time?"  
  
"Yes...  
  
"And how he hides his wrists?"  
  
"I suppose he does but, Ryou, I fail to see..."  
  
"You know how's he's jumpy with people touching him?"  
  
"Ryou I... oh." Yami's look darkened as the puzzle fell together. He turned and glared at nothing, cursing in an early Arabic. Ryou caught a few words he had learned from listening to his own yami at times: a few choice words and a threat at a more painful death then Yami had already given the rod spirit. "It's a power thing, that's what it is." Yami said finally, "It's not about the sex, just destroying something." Ryou nodded slowly.  
  
"Even so... my yami's always been the strong one." Ryou ran a hand through his hair. "He's keep pushing me forward regardless of whatever was going on in his head. I only wanted him to love me back, to show in someway I mattered to him and he never did. I wonder if there will ever be a peace in him before he comes to some end, or if...  
  
"Your his peace." Yami cut him off. "He worries for you, he cares about you, certainly gets jealous of Yugi." Yami stated this last fact with a look of dark amusement on his face.  
  
"But, that's not what I need." Ryou sighed, exasperated. "I wanted to hear it, to see it, I needed..."  
  
"Maybe you should question just what you need." Yami cut him off again. Ryou bit his tongue and let the thought sink in. He sighed again and relaxed his body a bit.  
  
"You sound like my mother." Ryou smiled sadly, wishing he could somehow tell his yami all these thoughts.  
  
"This mother," Yami said, stressing mother, "Wishes he could move his own hikari and talk to him like I'm talking to you. I've tucked away the days, the ones like this are the loneliness of all."  
  
"With Yugi being mad at you?"  
  
"Yes." Yami smiled slightly "But last night was semi-worth it."  
  
*Mama just called and said she's tucked away  
  
Mama just called and said she's tucked away another day  
  
Mama just called and said she's tucked away  
  
Momma just called and said she's extra sad today*  
  
Ryou shook his head "I feel like a fool. He told me last night he spent his nights with Malik, NOT drinking. Damn it, I'm still at square one. What am I supposed to do? I'm still in the same set of questions I was in a month ago."  
  
Yami laughed and Ryou looked at him helpless as if to say oh-what's-so- funny. "But you still so head over heals for him!" Yami laughed, and looked at him "Why do you worry so much, you love him and that's all that matters! Sometimes I wonder how you manage to get along."  
  
"Any way I can without him. It's damn near impossible. With Yugi, and the band..."  
  
*Now why'd you go and play my trust  
  
Today's the same as yesterday  
  
And I'm okay  
  
I'll take a doctor's recommended time to get along  
  
Since you've been gone  
  
I'll get along oh any way at all*  
  
"Run back to him then." Yami said, putting a hand on Ryou's shoulder. "Don't think of what everyone else says, Not to damn my abiou or anything, but screw them all. There is something so much more then yourself to believe in Ryou. Fate has played a hand in bringing him to you. He's your darker, you're made for each other."  
  
Ryou stared at him a moment and blinked. "You think?" he said gently as a genuine smile touched his lips. Yami nodded. "I only wish I had the same bond with my hikari."  
  
"Don't worry, Yami." Ryou said with a smile, rising. "I'm sure everything will work out for you and Yugi, why not listen to your own advice, it's helped me." Ryou started to run. He awhile before the concert and an idea was forming in his mind. A vague idea of how to finally cast off all the lies and let the whisper of truth be heard.  
  
"Ryou!" Yami called, a shocked tone in his voice. Ryou didn't answer. He hit the outcrop of rocks over the deeper part of the lake at a dead run and jumped, plunging into the icy water head first. "Ryou!!" Yami cried, and raced for the lake.  
  
*Mama just called and said she's tucked away  
  
Mama just called and said she's tucked away another day Mama just called and said she's tucked away  
  
Momma just called and said she's extra sad today*  
  
*************************************************************************  
  
Ohhhh cliffy. Not a very good one.... buuuuuuut.... oh well. I'm going to go start tearing down the wallpaper in my room, it's going from flowers to Egyptian gold and purple!!! YAY!!!!!!! *Runs around and does a happy dance*  
  
Cyris: o_O.... While she's dancing and wall stripping, please review. We need encouragement before going on to the last chapter. Yes, the last chapter, so pllllleease R&R! 


	12. Truth Is A Whisper

Well here you are everyone, the last track on the CD Gutterflower! I do send my apologies for how long it took to get this up! I have a nasty cold and I had to finish painting my room.   
  
LYB: *Comes running in her arms full* MALIK!! YAMI B!!   
Bakura: What do you want little sister?  
Malik: *looks out from reading an overly thick book*  
LYB: O_o... Malik? What are you reading?  
Malik: Beyond Ragnarok, It's about a bunch of Elf's trying to kill all of man kind!  
Everyone: O_OU;;  
LYB: And your reading this why?  
Malik: Because all of us are in the story! At least characters that act and look like us! It's awesome!   
LYB: Seriously?  
Malik: Sure, look! *everyone crowds around the book* Kevral, although female is freakishly like me, There's a guy in here who a thief and acts exactly like Yami B, there a guy who looks like Seto and acts like Yami called Ra-khir....  
Kaiba: That's scary.  
LYB: Yeah, anyway... PRESENTS!!!! MALIK AND YAMI B GOT PRESENTS!!  
*Malik drops his book and he and Yami B glomp LYB*   
YamiB: WHERE??!!  
LYB: @_@ here... from blue eyes silver dragon *hands them a flat box wrapped up*  
*Yami B and Malik rip of the paper and Yami B starts jumping around in delight.*  
Malik: THANKS BLUE EYES!!  
YamiB: IT'S AN OUIJI BOARD!!! *he proudly holds up his five ouiji cards then his new gift* NOW I HAVE A REAL ONE TO PLAY WITH!!  
Yami: Well, why don't you guys try it out?  
*Yami B and Malik sit with the board between them as LYB puts her new huge Bakura/Malik picture on the wall and droolz over it, grinning insanely*  
Malik: Will I ever become the ruler of the world?  
Ouiji Board: G-O-D-F-O-R-B-I-D  
*everyone save Malik sweatdrops*  
Kaiba: Smart board...  
Malik: STUPID BOARD! YOU LIE!!  
YamiB: *grabs the board* Don't touch it!! Myyyy prrreeeecciiiousssss....  
LYB: O_o.... anyway, now Questions!! From blue eyes silver dragon!  
Ryou: For who?  
LYB: Malik and Bakura, first question, how many shots does it take you to get drunk?  
Bakura: 11 shots, about that....  
Malik: I can take 12 ^_^  
LYB: Umm... great to know your proud of that. and Question 2: what kind of dancing do you do?  
Kaiba: *whispering to Yami* horizontal polka  
Yami: *snickers*  
Bakura and Malik: I HEARD THAT!!!!  
Bakura: I dunno, is there such a thing as freestyle?   
Malik: *shrugs* god only knows, whatever people dance in clubs. I'm not sure...  
LYB: Ooookkay.... anyway... Without further ado... chapter 12 of Gutterflower: Truth is a Whisper. Oh yeah and blue eyes silver dragon? Kaiba is in it!!  
  
No funny *'s in this chapter, Ryou is singing the lyrics ^___^  
  
*******************************************************************************  
Truth Is A Whisper  
*******************************************************************************  
  
The first thing Bakura noticed as he set foot inside the club was that he ~knew~ Ryou was there. It was a strange feeling, something he hadn't felt it what seemed like ages and he passed it off as his nervous tension, which was quickly making him frustrated. The second was that the bouncer was about to throw him out again. "Hey you!' The rather large man glared, "I though I told you, you're not welcome here!"  
  
"Well add this to the clouded contour of your brain, I was invited here." Bakura said smartly, glaring daggers at the man who he was quickly developing a personal hate for.   
  
"Bullshit! And I don't care if you were asked here by the bloody Queen of England! You're not coming in this..." He was cut off abruptly as Bakura's fist made direct contact with his jaw and he was blown to the floor.   
  
"That's for calling me a liar." Bakura growled, then he felt a hand on his shoulder as the man on the floor growled and pulled himself up.   
  
"He's with me," Bakura glanced at the person beside him who held up a small white piece of paper. "And I have a pass."  
  
"Who are you?" The man glarred from the floor.  
  
"The bloody Queen of England." Came the smart mouth reply. The bouncer glared at the both of them, but didn't protest as Bakura started to get pulled away. "Come on, Tomb Robber, before you get a restraining order slapped on your wrist."  
  
"You always know how to ruin my fun Pharaoh." He scowled, and kicked the bouncer in the chin for good measure putting the man to his knees in pain again before willingly following Yami. "You know I didn't need your help, Oh Mighty One." he said, giving Yami a smirk.  
  
"Like hell you didn't." Yami replied, rolling his eyes with a smile. "You would have been smoked with out me, my friend."  
  
"Oh Ra!" Bakura hissed and pushed Yami away from him "This is just PERFECT! I have another screwed up friend to hang off my waist like Malik does!" Yami never being one to let opportunity get by jump at Bakura clinging to his torso.  
  
"Bakura!! You do care!!"  
  
"GET OFF OF ME!!" Bakura managed to peel Yami away from him and drop him on the floor. Yami sat there laughing.  
  
"Come on," Yami laughed, raising and brushing himself off and walking to a side table "Let's get a drink shall we? The band doesn't seem ready to go on just yet."  
  
"A drink?" Bakura questioned, following and sitting down beside him. "I swear to Seckmet I've never met anyone who likes to drink like you, you must have a beer belly the size of China" He poked Yami's stomach, staring at it with childish fascination. "Is that why you wear so many buckles? To keep your gut in?" Oh course he actually had no gut at all and was rather toned Bakura discovered as he continued to annoyingly poke at Yami's tummy. Yami flicked Bakura in the noise. "Ow! That hurt!"  
  
"Hands off the leather." Yami stated, brushing fake dirt from where Bakura was prodding him.   
  
"Your so fucking vain." Bakura said, rolling his eyes. "Where's the rest of your entourage?" he asked, looking around. Yami waved his hand toward the table Bakura had seen them all sitting at the first time he entered the club so long ago. Four of the group sat there, waiting for the band. Both Tea and Tristan seemed hyperactive, Tea was talking at Kaiba while Tristan seemed intent on hitting on Isis. Neither Isis or Kaiba seemed very amused.   
  
"It's a pretty odd thing when I find YOU less annoying then THEM." Yami said, a mocking tone on his voice. Bakura nodded slowly.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with Tristan?"  
  
"Ra only knows." Yami stated rather blandly then motioned to the stage, "The band is coming out." Bakura quickly turned his gaze, scanning the platform for the boy he had secretly come to adore and spotted him stepped back from the spotlight on the lead mike, as if he were scared to approach it. Bakura had to fight the urge to drool looking at him, Ryou was dressed in leather pants and the white silk shirt he had seen the night before, only it was buttoned up and hung loosely over the black pants.   
  
Malik straightened the strap of his guitar as he stepped forward to his own mike. "Hey everyone, and welcome to this CLOSED performance of Star Dust Goddess. Thank God this was a buy your ticket in advanced thing, this place would be mobbed." The crowd screamed with delight.  
  
"Popular aren't they?" Bakura said, raising a brow. Yami nodded.  
  
"This show has been booked solid since "Here is Gone" hit the radio. The club only lets in a certain amount of people a night, that's why it's not such a big crowd tonight. You had to get a pass."  
  
"Well I got in okay."  
  
"Only because I have a pass and can bring a guest."  
  
"Oh lucky you, your Highness."  
  
Malik let his eyes scan the crowd and gave a suggestive grin "A special welcome to all the ladies." Bakura was sure that amid the roar of screams that this induced, a few girls fainted; the seemed to like Malik enough. Bakura rolled his eyes it was then he realized Malik had spotted him. "Oh hi there!" Malik smiled and waved childishly, "You decided to come after all! Doesn't it feel good to listen to me?" Bakura offered a fake smile and gave him the finger. Yami started laughing uncontrollably. Bakura let his eye glance back at the white haired boy still standing in the shadows and for a moment their eyes locked, then they both looked away, slightly embarrassed. Malik had meanwhile turned back to the crowd "Okay then, let's get this show started, oh and Tristan if you move on inch closer to my sister like your about to I will rip off all of your appendages one by one and that includes your third leg." All of which Malik said with a dangerously pleasant smile on his face, making Tristan exceedingly nervous. Everyone in the club save Malik, Isis and Tristan started laughing hysterically and Isis turned, shocked to see just how close Tristan was to her, then promptly slapped him. She got up quickly and grabbed Kaiba by the arm dragging him off to sit with Yami and Bakura.  
  
"At least you two are relatively sane!" she said sitting down next to Bakura as Kaiba pulled up a chair beside Yami.  
  
"You are aware Yami Bakura is sitting beside you right?" Kaiba smirked. Bakura put on his best master-of-all-evil face and Yami rolled his eyes.  
  
"You try living with Malik, you'll have a new definition of sanity." She cupped her hands over he mouth and yelled loudly up to the stage, "Malik Ishtar if you don't stop embarrassing me at these concerts I'm going to stop coming!!"  
  
"I love you too, Isis." Malik smirked.   
  
"You know you have highly selective hearing little brother!!" She replied smartly.  
  
"Yes I know I'm hot and amazingly sexy, thank you!" Malik smiled broadly and winked at her. Isis grumbled and whacked her forehead with the palm of her hand. "Our first song is brand new, only written today by Ryou and he refuses to tell us the words." Malik looked at Ryou, "You even have words?" Ryou shook his head and stepped into the light, Bakura nearly sighed seeing the boy glow in the warmth of the stage lights.   
  
"Of course." Ryou said to the microphone as he dangled a piece of paper in front of Malik. "Right here." He put the paper back in his pocket.  
  
"Is everyone ready?" Malik said to the band, but he looked at Ryou as he said it and he waited patiently until, after a moment of staring at some imaginary stain on the wood floor, Ryou nodded and moved to his microphone.   
  
He stood proudly, arms held the slightest bit from his sides; then, the music moved, a dark and ever shifting piece. It pounded down through the stage and out on to the blackness of the floor, blurring past him in a rush and he raised his arm slightly feeling it pick him up and give him a new life and depth he could never reach at other times as it painted the dance floor in it's warped heavy color. Ryou moved into the music, letting the world his song created in his mind come alive, every thought and feeling. The music had a desperation to it, a demanding, frantic nature. Yes, Ryou smiled, he had captured his emotions on the music. Bakura watched Ryou thoughtfully, letting the sound come around him and nip his soul; a dozen little sets of hands pulling at him, reaching out and beckoning him forward, but he refused to follow just yet. The demonic angel music dropped off to a lower more set pace that cast shadows of doubt through the mind, and into this emotional set of doubt and fear. Bakura raised his head, a sixth sense whispered a power to him and he wondered vaguely why he felt the urge to listen, something linked to his mind, telling him this was a gift. It was an echo from somewhere, a soul, it reminded him of Ryou's mind, the way it swirled and swung deep into complex thoughts. Ryou let his voice come out, the words forming on his lips, giving explanation to the music.  
  
"Truth is a whisper and only a choice...  
Nobody hears above this noise..."  
  
Ryou's voice rose up in pure turning rhythm, his voice had a firmness that seemed to slip the boy by when he was simply talking. The music was a release and made his thoughts and words one in the same, it was never more clear to Bakura how much Ryou depended on this way of communicating, the only way he could get out what he was thinking. Bakura raised his head, listening, and smiled distantly, yes, that seemed so true. The truth was so obscure who would ever know it? Still the song ventured on, letting Bakura see into his hikari's mind:  
  
"It's always a risk when you try and believe, in something  
I know there's so much more than me...Yeah ...  
  
And I got caught in the ruse of the world,  
It's just a promise no one ever keeps...   
And now it's changing while you sleep,  
And no one here can see.  
  
You know all I am...  
Feel this moment in you.  
You know all I am...  
Can you teach me to believe in something?"  
  
Ryou cast a glance at Bakura on the last line and Bakura felt something stir inside him and he slowly stood up, it was like he could feel the thoughts as well as hear them. He understood; this song wasn't about him, it was for him. A message to him, an explanation. Everything he wanted to tell him, it was coming out. The words rung in Bakura's mind echoing what Ryou had asked him the night before, Can you teach me to believe in something like you do? Bakura walked forward slightly, "Where are you going?" Yami said softly, following Bakura with his eyes. Bakura just raised a hand slowly for silence and let his eyes fix on the singing angel, starting forward again. The lights realigned themselves, casting a blue glow across Ryou's silver feature, making his pale hand that grasped the microphone glow. A new verse started to form on the boy's lips:  
  
"Sometimes you choke on the smell just to breathe.  
I need to question what I need..."  
  
Ryou raised his eyes and looked at the white haired spirit standing solemnly in the center of the room, perfectly still, gazing up to the stage, his face blank. The people on the floor danced around him oblivious, likewise, Bakura seemed to be a darkness amid them, a perfect stillness. It took Ryou's breath away for a moment to see him there, almost as if he were some sort of fallen angel about to unfurl his wings and claim a place of power in this smaller version of hell. The world the music made with nothing to fear and nothing to lose. The song was his and it was as if the world between them had vanished. His eyes locked and narrowed on his darker's, moving into the theatrics of the stage, letting the music taking him back into his message, his voice firm.  
  
"Rhythm of silence  
That beats through your mind...  
Still you forget what you deny."  
  
Ryou smirked slightly and tapped his finger at Bakura in a tisk-tisk motion as he stated his last line. Bakura inwardly laughed at the gesture to the lyrics before Ryou twisted himself into the music, letting himself sway slightly. He swung out his arm slightly from his side and stepped forward quickly and gracefully, taking the microphone into his hands. He was caught in his own revelation, and let his movement echo his voice. Bakura let his gaze flick across the stage, everyone in the band seemed mildly confused at Ryou's choice of words and his new found enthusiasm, though Malik just seemed impressed.  
  
"And I got caught in the ruse of the world.  
It's just a promise no one keeps...  
And now it's changing while we sleep,  
And no one here can see."  
  
One more Ryou made his point by locking his eyes on Bakura and gesturing abruptly toward the other people on the stage. Though Malik seemed quite willing to accept Ryou's lyric, the rest of the band looked at Yugi curiously for an explanation; Yugi shrugged, looking perplexed. Bakura smiled a bit and stepped forward slightly, drawn to the music and Ryou's motions like a magnet. The words were becoming much more forceful now, a teasing thought, a question that would need to be answered.  
  
"You know all I am...  
Feel this moment in you,  
You know all I am...  
Can you teach me to believe in something?"  
  
A new fury came out of Ryou, he set his eyes firm on the silent spirit who stood manifestly out on the floor before him. Catching the moment of truth, what would define them, and Ryou spread open his arms in a gesture of peace but at the same time turned his head away slightly to show wariness, his eyes caught the light and sparkled with honest questioning.  
  
"Who's the one you answer to?  
Do you listen when he speaks?  
Or is everything for you?  
  
And do you find it hard to sleep?  
Or is it easy on your own?  
Will you ever find some peace  
Before you're gone......"  
  
Bakura tilted his head as the music slid into a simple stillness, thinking, reflecting. The questions really had no answer but still they lingered, the very questions that made him struggle onward everyday when he could just as easily stubbornly sit down and give up. The boy's eyes fell on him again, echoing questions and a suspended misery pending the answers. The music started to build again, coming back to the way it was before and Bakura recognized it as reflecting how his lights mind ended up coming back to the same set of questions and thoughts. Ryou retched his right hand out towards his dark double, pleading for his acceptance. The music rose, building itself slowly as if coming to some sort of powerful conclusion.  
  
"You know all I am...  
Feel this moment in you,  
You know all I am...  
Can you teach me to believe in something ? ... ... …"  
  
Ryou's voice trailed and so did the music, it came to no conclusion as the building suggested, it dropped off abruptly and teasingly in a type of suspended unfinished thought. Ryou's arm dropped down to his side. Once more it seemed like they were the only two people in the room, staring at each other. Only unlike the first time a song passed between them, neither felt the needed to do anything, for the moment there was a peace there. Everything that needed to said had been said and everything that needed to be answered was answered with a light silence. An understanding passed between them. It was Bakura who broke the stillness, but remained oblivious to the crowd that seemed to have parted between himself and the stage, looking over the situation with curiosity. Bakura felt for once no need to show stubborn pride, and assailed slighted at the thought that he wasn't showing it out of stubborn pride; simply to prove to Ryou that he could. He raised his left hand upward as if to help the silver angel down from the stage, but the distance between them made it impossible. Obligingly Ryou knelt down and half slid, half-jumped down from the platform.  
  
"Ryou?" Mai questioned, but found a small hand placed on her arm, holding her back.   
  
"No," Yugi said gently, "Let him go. They need to settle this on their own terms... without anyone past or present between them." Malik gave Yugi an appresative look and nodded. Yugi offered a sad smile and turned to look at the two doubles near by.   
  
Bakura lowered his arm and jammed his hands into his pockets, looking thoughtful. Ryou made his way toward him, the boys face fixed in look of fearful expectant apprehension as he stopped in front of the dark spirit. They watched each other a moment, chocolate locked on dark as if they were trying to read each others thoughts before saying anything. Bakura smiled softly, almost sympathetically, and odd expression for him, but his face still kept the dark qualities that made him look so decidedly sharp; Ryou relaxed a bit and tipped his down slightly a shy, embarrassed blush forming on his cheeks under the gaze. "You looked good." Bakura said finally, bring a hand up to brush a few strains of hair from the boy's face. "Your voice is pure."   
  
Ryou leaned his head into the touch and Bakura let his fingers play with the silky white locks. "You think?" he asked softly. Bakura nodded slowly and Ryou swallowed. "It was for you, you know. Everything for you..."  
  
"I know." Bakura said gently but his face saddened and raised his free hand to the Ryou's face, moving close to him. "Forgive me." He said softly in such a low voice Ryou could barely hear as he ran his thumb over the boy's jaw line. He gazed at Ryou pleading. "I never meant for it to happen, please believe I never meant to fall in love with you, I never meant to put you through hell because of it. Forgive me for being weak and afraid. Your right Ryou, I fear it, and I listen to it even now when I have no reason to, but everyone I tried to love has betrayed me. You were the only thing that kept me going after the spirit of the rod was banished, and I betrayed that, I hurt you and I shouldn't have put that pain on you. But please believe that I did care. Forgive me for being afraid of you, forgive me for being so weak, for not being able to go on like you do. Please," He buried his face in Ryou hair, "Forgive me for loving you." he whispered softly in Ryou's ear, sending a warm feeling of peace through the youth, he wrapped his arms around the spirit holding him.  
  
"How can I forgive you from something that's not your fault?" Ryou said finally, resting his head on Bakura's shoulder. "I can't ask for anything more from you when I know what I've wanted to know, that you love me the way I've loved you. Why do I have to forgive you for something that I wanted. It's all I've wanted from the beginning and there's nothing else I need. But if it will make you feel any better, your not weak, you were never weak. I was the one who decided to give up, remember? I was the one who didn't know what I needed. Forgive me for believing the lies and getting caught up in it."  
  
Bakura stepped back to looked at him and once more an understanding passed between them. "So we forgive each other then?"  
  
Ryou smiled, his eyes gentle and loving and he reached behind him under the shirt he was wearing and produced a gold object, holding it out between them like it was an offer. A golden hoop that dripped five tear-drop pointed. "Always." Ryou smiled. "We were destined to find each other weren't we? I help you to go on, you help me to have hope and faith, dark and light..."  
  
"...yami and hikari." Bakura finished, touching the ring thoughtfully "But, I thought..."  
  
"I let Yugi throw it away?" Bakura nodded, looking at his light curiously. Ryou smiled and shook his head, then pressed the ring into Bakura's hand before removing his own "Well, Yami talked some sense into me, and I guess I decided to get it back. I think I scared Yami though when I jumped in."   
  
"Oh really?" Bakura cast a smirk at Yami, who was just watching off to the side with a casual smile, and Yami just smiled and shrugged.  
  
"Yeah." Ryou smiled shyly and blushed a bit, Bakura thought he looked adorable and put a hand of his cheek. "The leather was no good anymore," Ryou said, gesturing to the ring in Bakura's hand "It kind of crumbled when I took it out of the water and started to clean it." Bakura looked at it thoughtfully then reached up behind his neck removing the gold chain from around his throat and strung it through the loop at the top of the ring. "What's that?" Ryou asked curiously.  
  
"It was my mothers." Bakura answered taking Ryou gently by the wrist. He placed the ring in Ryou's hand, and closed the boy's fingers around the ring, then pressed Ryou's hands gently to his chest, "Take it, it's yours, if you'll still have me."   
  
Ryou looked up at Bakura a moment, "But, this chain?"  
  
"Yours." Bakura smiled and nodded, letting his hand fall away. Ryou looked at the ring a moment and smiled shyly, fastening it around his neck. The ring fell charmingly around his throat, seeming right at home again against his chest and Ryou felt a completeness come over him, a feeling of being loved and missed. //Welcome back, hikari.//   
  
/YAMI!/ Ryou cried through the restablished link and threw his arms around Bakura's waist, nearly knocking him over. Bakura laughed and wrapped his arms about his hikari's waist, lifting him up and swinging him around a full circle before placing him back on his feet. He cupped the boy's face in his hands and leaned down, catching Ryou's lips in soft and powerful kiss. Ryou twined his arms around Bakura's neck and returned the passionate kiss, letting his yami pull him tight against his body.   
  
/umm... yami?.../   
  
"Mmm?" Bakura mumbled into the kiss, running his fingers through Ryou's hair.  
  
/we have an audience.../ Bakura let the kiss break and looked down at his smiling hikari, then glanced around, indeed the whole club seemed focused on them and a number of them were cheering. Isis was smiling, Yami too seemed rather pleased. Kaiba just looked amused and when he saw Bakura looking at him he clapped his hand a few times smartly, so Bakura just grinned and rolled his eyes.   
  
"Do you mind, Bakura?" a smart voice said over the microphone. Bakura turned and looked up at the stage to see a certain Egyptian standing, looking at him as if to say ha!-I-told-you-so! "Can we have our singer back now?"  
  
"Fuck you, Ishtar!" Bakura called back, "Can't you see I'm busy!" he finished, pulling Ryou to him, kissing him once again, he jokingly thought he could get addicted to this. Ryou laughed slightly as the kiss and blushed as more then a few people in the club laughed.   
  
"Kinda hard to do a show when your shoving your tounge down our singers throat!" Malik retorted, looking smart.  
  
"First of all I'm not tounging him; Second of all, if you want a singer so bad why don't You sing!" Bakura answered back sharply.  
  
"Ummm..... no." Malik replied smartly. Bakura shook his head and planted a kiss on Ryou's forehead.   
  
//I think you're needed on stage// Bakura mentally smiled. Ryou nodded and Bakura let him slip away to run back to the platform to his microphone once again. //Hikari?//  
  
/Yes?/   
  
There was a bit of a pause before Bakura answered, Ryou could have swore he heard a bit of nervousness in his darker's voice through the link. //Will you come home after the show?//   
  
Ryou let an elated smile cross his face. The question seemed so innocent but they were the best words Ryou had heard since the stormy night when he ran away. /Of course Yami, of course I'm coming home./ Bakura smiled and let the words sooth whatever fears he had left. /I might be a bit late, I have to get my guitar./  
  
//Do you want me to come with you?//  
  
Ryou laughed a bit and smiled /No, don't wait up. I'll be home as soon as I'm done here, I'll see you there, okay? And we can talk a bit, if you want. But I promise, I'm coming home./  
  
//Okay, Koi//   
  
Ryou felt himself flush a bit and stepped up to the microphone, another song had started to play. Something Malik had given him the idea for sometime ago. It had started as just a bunch of random thoughts scribbled on a page, but Ryou had refined it into a lyrical form that Malik seemed extremely please with.   
  
"Yeah I'm fading,  
And I call out,  
No one hears me  
Never dreamed, never felt, never thought I'd  
Say a word..."  
  
The crowd had gone back to dancing, falling into the music world that the music made for them and Bakura watched them move as he sat back down with Yami. For this blessed moment he felt peaceful, and he no longer was dreading the possibly of showing his abiou exactly what he had written on the bedroom wall since he had gotten his paints. He put his elbows on the table and folded his hands, then cast a death glare at Kaiba who had glanced at him and started to snicker. Kaiba stopped his repressed laughter but kept smiling and Isis cracked him on the back of the head.   
  
"Be good Kaiba!" She scowled.  
  
"Hey!" Kaiba growled, rubbing his head where she had struck him. Bakura offered his dark amused laugh.   
  
Bakura's sixth sense told him Yami was about to speak to him and Bakura abruptly raised his hand and glanced at the pharaoh, sure enough, he was poised to say something. "Don't. Say. Anything. You'll ruin my good mood. And if I so much as hear the words "I told you so," or "that wasn't so hard was it?" I will make sure you won't be able to stand for a bloody year." Bakura flashed a dangerous smile and Yami simply laughed.  
  
"Whatever you say, Bakura, whatever you say." Yami smirked and poked Bakura's shoulder, no longer expecting an extreme retaliation from the Tomb Robber he formally considered an enemy. "It's just good to see you happy for once."   
  
Bakura smiled and turned his eyes to the stage again letting himself fall into the music and lights. Everything finally seemed to have meaning and all his thoughts blessedly paused as he admired the beautiful boy that sang so sweetly. His world, his angel, his life, his hikari.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************  
Bakura: *does a happy dance* Yay!!!  
Ryou: *Blushes* well, that certainly worked out....  
  
LYB: Yes! And now I'm free to ramble! I have decided a few things  
  
1. I will make a 13th chapter to this story! Kind of an epilogue, Mainly because this chapter was running long and there's still something else I want to do! And I may throw in a bit of lemony fluff, I'm not sure. '_^  
  
2. I'm making a YamixYugi sequel with another Goo Goo Dolls CD. In which I'll explain exactly where StarDust Goddess got their name from and what's wrong with poor Yugi :( Do you think I should keep posting the story on Gutterflower, or make a new story for it?  
  
3. The song that Ryou starts to sing in this chapter that Malik inspired is another Goo Goo Dolls song (yeah, go figure) called "Naked" it's on the CD "A boy named Goo" take a listen to it and see if you can figure out why I picked that song for Ryou to sing. ;)  
  
4. I promise to go back and fix all my Grammar errors, I know, I'm awful with grammar and spelling!  
  
5. Nkoah My mother is bartender :) and thank you so much for that compliment, it real did make my day ^_^. I can't say I've been in the situations but I can honestly state how I would feel if I were in them, so I think that helps. Thank you so much!And I may throw lemon in the next chapter.  
  
Read and Review everyone So I know if you liked my experiment into the world of music! 


	13. I'm Still Here

Finally! After God Knows How Long! I'm finally done the final chapter of Gutterflower! *there's the sound of random party favors, Champaign bottles popping, cheers and other totally random things.* And I'm using the song I'm Still Here even though it's not on the CD Gutterflower, because it is the Goo Goo Dolls and I love it. ^_^  
  
First of all, I'm dedicating this to everyone who has enjoyed Gutterflower and has been reviewing and reading loyally, you guys are the greatest!!!! T_T, I can't believe it's finally over... wow... but fear not! There are two sequels in the making, a Yami and Yugi and one with Malik. (Cause just look at the loose ends I have to tie up.)   
  
Second of all, I want to also dedicate this chapter to Kawaii lil Angel Of Darkness, because it was her song that originally inspired my to write a part in this chapy. She wrote it based off of Gutterflower and her own life some time ago and I absolutely love it so I had to write it in. I hope you all love the song as much as I do. And yes lil Angel, I got Michelle Branch to sing it. ;) Everyone check out her poetry and songs! She's fantastic!  
  
Third, I have some pic's I have to upload that I drew for Gutterflower, keep watching my profile and I'll post up an address that you can check them out at once I get them scanned. And check out http://www.geocities.com/cell_fighter/gutterflower.html It's a pic by Sailor Comet of the picture on Ryou's nightstand I mentioned back in "It's Over". Check it out! I love Sailor Comet!!!!  
  
Third; I'm going to answer a few reviews before I get going with the story, that way, I don't have to end on one of my rambling rampages, because you all know by now how much I ramble.   
  
Psycho_Mime: He ya go ;)  
  
Black Balloon: I'm using I'm still here in this chappy! I love it too! I only wrote that cuz when my band found the tabs for the song, that's what the lyric read. But since you mentioned it I went back and listened to the song… and your right, it does sound like innocence! I'll go back and change it.  
  
Umbreon: Don't feel bad… Malik is singing "naked" over and over again in my head till I give him his own fic… MONTY PYTHON RULES ALL!! I love monty python!! *Starts singing* Alllllways look on the brrright side…  
  
A Laugh That Is Evil: She is? Wow… That's just cool. I find much of their work very inspirational, particularly some of their work in the CD dizzy up the girl, a lot of that is very literal. Songs like "flattop" make you think too.   
  
Bakura's Baby: I know I've done my job as an author If those images are there! I kept having those flashes when I listened to the Cd the first few times and they got worst every time I listened until I finally wrote this. And Bakura's comment to Malik? Yeah, it just seemed to sound like him :)  
  
Sailor Comet: I love to write comedy now and then, you always need to throw in a smartass remark or two… or three… or… O_o U…  
  
RyogazGal: I hope this doesn't get lost in cyberspace… I love it so much!  
  
Saki: Yami and Yugi it is! And a Malik!  
  
Caitlin aka Kimbralwyn: Thank you very much! I love to breath life into every character, mine or someone else's (such as the yugioh characters)  
  
Ame Tenshi: I know how that feels, I hate it when people ruin a perfectly good day. Anyway, yeah, I only put Mild fluff in here, so Your safe ;)  
  
  
  
Bakura: What is it?  
LYB: *sobs* I can't believe this is the last chapter!  
Ryou: It is???  
Bakura and Ryou: *start doing a happy dance*  
Bakura: ^___^ No more sappy story musing for us!  
Cyris: *bops them with a foam bat*  
Bakura and Ryou: @_@...  
LYB: ^_^ now I feel better! It's been great everyone! I love you all!!! *gives all her reviewers hugz*  
Bakura: I love all my loyal subjects... err... I mean fans... yes fans... I enjoy all my time in the spot light.  
Ryou: THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!  
Yami: And thanks for giving Yugi and I our own story ^__^  
Yugi: O_o... We have our own story now?  
Yami: Yup. When LYB is done writing Drawing Down the Moon.  
Yugi: YAY!!!  
Cyris: o_O U...  
Everyone: BYE FOR NOW!!!!!!  
  
!@#$%^&*  
Notes about this chapter everyone should know:  
  
1. There's no lemon in this chapter, but there is a bit of cute fluff. Enjoy!!  
  
2. The song Malik is singing is "Naked" by the Goo Goo Dolls, the same one they preformed in the last chapter after Truth is a Whisper. Check out the lyrics and see where I'm going with this.  
  
3. Seriously, Bakura does look like that in the past. Don't believe me? When your done reading this check out members.shaw.ca/jenniyah/frame.html (no www. ) click on the link that reads "Yugioh comics" she has the most resent issues of the Yugioh manga scanned and translated, you can see first hand what Bakura, Isis, Malik (the good one, not the yami) and Kaiba all looked like back in Egypt. (And what's with Malik owning the ring??? Is anyone else confused??? And Malik created the Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl??? I have to give Takahashi credit! Yugioh just keeps getting better!!) 'Kura looks freaky, really strong... wonder how he got that scar?  
  
4. The minute I heard the sonnet "Silence" by Edgar Allan Poe and started clapping my hands and saying "Yami's and Hikari's!"... Sad I know...  
!@#$%^&*  
  
*Lyrics*   
#Song on the radio#  
/Ryou to Bakura/  
//Bakura to Ryou//  
  
  
**********************************************************  
I'm Still Here  
**********************************************************  
  
Ryou stood outside the game shop, staring down the moonlit road, clutching his guitar case tightly in his hand. Home seemed so close and so far. How had he run all the way here so many nights ago? It seemed impossible now. "What are you waiting for Ryou-cun?" a warm voiced asked. Ryou took a deep breath and let it out.  
  
"A miracle." he answered with a good natured smile.  
  
"Don't ask for miracles." Yugi replied, stepping up beside him, "Miracles go wrong. Why not ask for hope instead? Hope makes more amazing things happen then any miracle."  
  
Ryou laughed, "I suppose your right. My miracles never did quite turn out like I expected."  
  
"Neither did mine." Yugi said with a smile, poking the taller boy playfully "But at least with hope you can't go wrong, everything turns out then. We're still best friends and you still have a yami who loves you."  
  
"So do you."  
  
Yugi blushed a bit "Yeah, I know. Good luck, Ryou. I hope everything works out for you."  
  
"You too, Yugi. I'll call you tomorrow about our next practice at the studio."   
  
Yugi nodded and glanced back at the door that was opened, shining light from the game shop out onto their light part of the road. Yami looked out on them from the door and nodded to the white haired boy. Ryou smiled and gave a small, parting wave. Neither of them needed to say anymore, the thankful expressions on their faces said all that needed to be. Ryou offered a final goodbye to Yugi before stepping forward out of the circle of light, moving onward into the dark to find another door that would open to him. He kept pace to the corner before turning out of sight.  
  
Yugi gazed after him until he vanished around the bend, then turned to the door and walked slowly towards his darker. "Are you okay?" Yami said softly, after a moment of silence, reaching out to touch his hikari's cheek. Yugi looked up at him, the sweet smile Yami had come to love played across his lips.  
  
"Yami?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Yugi's smile dropped into a distant, sad one. "Do you know who I am?"  
  
Yami blinked, "Of course. Your Yugi. My light."  
  
Yugi seemed to think about this a moment. "Oh." He looked up at his yami again. "Hey Yami?"  
  
"Yes abiou?"  
  
"Do you want to get a movie or something?" Yugi smiled hopefully, "Just the two of us?" Yami smiled.  
  
"Anything you want Yugi."  
  
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~  
  
Ryou glanced around, he was approaching the park and noted to himself he was about half way to home. The park was wonderfully calm this time of night and the feeling of peace rubbed off on Ryou.   
  
"I thought you'd be home by now." A rich voice said, cutting into his thoughts. Ryou glanced around and his eyes fell on a figure stretched out under a tree, taking a drag on a cigarette.   
  
"Malik." Ryou said warmly, the blond Egyptian snuffed out his cigarette and sat up.   
  
"So why aren't you home?" He smirked, "Bakura must be freaking out with nervousness."  
  
"I had to get my guitar." Ryou explained, "I can't go anywhere without it. I'm walking home now, actually."  
  
Malik laughed a bit then rose, brushing out his jeans. "I'll walk with you, if you want. I'm suffering from insomnia tonight."  
  
"Feel free." Ryou answered gesturing for Malik to join him. "It'd be good to talk with you anyway."   
  
"Oh?" Malik said, coming to Ryou's side and they started to walk down the road.  
  
"Yeah… I just wanted to thank you… for everything you've done. I know you're the one who's been on Bakura's case."  
  
"That'd be me." Malik nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets. "He can be a stubborn prick sometimes, someone needs to get on him."  
  
"Thank you." Ryou said again with a smile.  
  
"Anytime." Malik replied, tilting his head back slightly to look at the stars, his wispy blond hair brushing over his shoulders. They blinked back at him sadly. "A word of advice for you, Ryou." He said slowly, Ryou looked at him. "He's not going to give you any answers as to why he's the way he is or what make him act the way he does. He just does. The guy is a paradox of himself, aggressive and shy, strong and weak. You don't get anywhere by pushing him forward, because he'll push right back against you. Don't expect him to warm up to you instantly, he's hard to hold. He hates being held. It takes awhile; but once you get in there..." He trailed off, then ran a hand through his hair, brushing it away from his face "Just don't expect to much from him. In his mind he has nothing to offer, you'll be disappointed if you go into this expecting something."  
  
Ryou nodded slowly, kicking a rock from his path. "I see that now. I think it's something I've always known but never wanted to accept. He's a mystery to everyone, even himself."  
  
"So are you." Malik replied with a smirk.  
  
"And you." Ryou retorted. Malik made a sound, something like that of laughter and something like a sigh.  
  
*I am a question to the world  
Not an answer to be heard  
Or a moment that's held in your arms*   
And what do you think you'd ever say  
I won't listen anyway  
You don't know me  
And I'll never be what you want~  
Me to be*   
  
Ryou looked up at the sky, admiring the stars as Malik was. "You understand him pretty well, don't you?" Ryou said out of the blue. Malik nodded.  
  
"Better then I know myself." Malik shook his head and glanced around the empty street. "It's kinda funny when you think about it." Ryou raised a brow at this, Malik shook his head and gave a motion of his hand to dismiss the remark. "I know him as well as I can, no one can ever really ~know~ someone completely, inside and out, that's impossible, to do that you'd literally have to become that person. So, I suppose you can say, I know him as well as he'll let me know him."   
  
Ryou looked thoughtful, "It's just...in all honest - he has a way of knowing things I'll never understand. He changes his ways so often, you'd swear he was two or three different people all rolled into one."   
  
*And what  
Do you think you'd understand?  
I'm boy, no, I'm a man.  
You can't take me~  
And throw me away*  
  
Malik chuckled, "Nice analogy, but that's not really true. He never pretends to be something he's not and that's what you have a hard time understanding, he only shows part of himself. No one knows him really, I suppose; that's why your so special to him. He can see something good and light in you, something he had forgotten along time ago. He's drawn to you because there's a part in him that wants to know there's still some good left in the world. If you're patience, you'll see inside of him in time."  
  
"I suppose." Ryou answered, taking this in. He was quiet a moment. "Hey Malik?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Have you ever been in love?"  
  
Malik laughed, violet eyed flashed a sense of irony. "Of course. Why do you ask?"  
  
Ryou blushed slightly at his own curiosity. "You just don't seem like the type that could fall in love. Your... kind of your own person, in your own world."  
  
"Bakura fell in love with you." Malik pointed out. Ryou blushed deeper.  
  
"I suppose so."  
  
Malik looked thoughtful. "Yes, I've been in love. It's a wonderful and awful feeling."  
  
Ryou looked at him surprised. "Why do you say awful? What did she do?"  
  
Malik just gave a disregarding shrug. "HE didn't love me the way I loved him. There was just nothing in him. Then I started to fall again, but this one... he was a dark angel... though I never did tell him what I felt. He loved someone else, as simple as that. And first and foremost, he was my friend, so I put aside what I felt and I always encouraged him. Their very happy together now, they make a good couple."   
  
"At least their happy." Ryou said sympathetically. Malik nodded, a contented look on his face.   
  
Ryou smiled at the Egyptian "Maybe I'll never understand my yami... but it's worth a try, right?"  
  
Malik nodded, smirking slightly, "Right."  
  
*And how  
Can you learn what's never shown  
Yeah, you stand here on your own  
They don't know me  
'Cause I'm not here*  
  
Ryou glanced up and took a deep breath. "Home..." he whispered gently, as they approached the house and stopped. "Here's where I get off." Ryou said, looking up, a faint light flickered in the bedroom window.  
  
"Good luck," Malik said, as the silver haired boy walked up the steps.  
  
"Thanks," Ryou replied, nodding slightly, "For everything."   
  
Malik just smiled and shrugged. "It's what I live for." he winked, making Ryou laugh and with a final wave, Ryou disappeared inside the house. Malik's smile fell into a distant look and he glanced up at the window as the silhouette of a boy just a head taller then Ryou cast a reflection on the glass.   
  
"Inside you head..." Malik sang softly,  
"No one's there.  
And I don't think I'll ever be..." he smiled bitterly.  
"And I don't care."  
  
Malik pushed his hands deeper down into his pockets, "So this is good-bye, Bakura, dark angel. As long as your happy..." He continued down the road, humming to himself, a soothing song that reminded him of why he got Ryou to write it.   
  
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~  
  
Ryou stood just inside the doorway of the house, closing the door behind him. It was dark and quiet, save for a few sounds and a warm glow from upstairs, very much like the last time he had been here. Only now it was different. This time may not end the same way, this time he was here to stay - at least, that's what he hoped. He tightened his grip on his guitar case and took a deep breath, his heart pounding as he started up the stairs. Nervous tension made it hard to move, yet there was a part of him that wanted to run to the room that the dim light was shining out of through a crack in the door.  
  
Ryou slowly pushed the door open, expecting to see his yami there as before, painting on the makeshift canvas, but the room was empty. Candles burned as they had before, making the large paintings on the wall appear all the more Egyptian. Ryou glanced about, curious as to where his handsomely dark spirit could be as he lay down his guitar beside the bed. He turned his head a bit, glancing at the strange angel looking out over the room from the wall, and paused. He approached it deftly, a hand extended to touch the grey robe hanging from the figure's graceful form. He let his fingers follow the ruffled folds of paint up over the two different wings, one feathered and white, the other smooth and black, then travel to the face of the fallen angel. Like the wings and robe, the face had a division. One half was placid and gentle with a soft smile, while the other half glared from under much wilder hair. Deep brown eyes peered out at him from under smooth and spiked white bangs - one eye modest, the other marred by suspicion. Hikari and yami in one fleeting moment of unity. "Change of heart," he whispered gently, running his fingers down the dark side of the angel's face. "The both of us, together as one."  
  
He let his eyes wander across the rest of the picture. Words scrawled themselves as white stars over a desert sky and danced among flames that licked up from somewhere underneath the paper. A great goddess knelt in the upper corner, her wings spread wide as she looked down over the desert skies and sands below and her mouth open as if she were speaking. Ryou paused a moment, seeing no one else in the picture; but then he saw it, so beautifully and intricately painted that it took a moment to notice, but once he did it was hard to see it any other way. The sky itself was a woman, lying on her stomach and held aloft by a man formed only of faint vapours and clouds. Below them, the earth was a man lying on his side, looking upward to the heavenly sky woman and winged goddess. On the other side danced flames of orange and gold, figures moving themselves in a silent story Ryou could not understand. A dark man held a woman to the ground with his foot while beckoning to another figure cloaked in earthy brown. The figure in brown was turned away, revealing the right side of his face to be horribly marred by a double-crossed scar that ran from his temple over his eye and down his cheek. His arms stretched to the sky, but his eyes turned back to the woman on the ground, who held his leg firmly with one hand while her face and other hand pleaded with him to flee. It was such a paradox, but the cloaked figure couldn't free himself from her even as she wished him to go. He pleaded for his freedom, reaching up to the sky where the angel floated and gazed down with sorrowful violet eyes. Blonde hair licked around the angels face as he held a small blonde boy in his arms. The boy's eyes were closed and there was a sort of angry pain about him, but the angel couldn't help the cloaked figure. Over his shoulder loomed a dark violet expanse; an undefined winged figure lurking within that darkness, reaching out and clawing the feathers from the tips of the angel's wings. It seethed there, threatening to swallow the angel and figure in brown whole. Flames surrounded the unsettling image, twisting upward in a remarkably soothing way and giving a stillness to the motion in the picture as if to freeze the moment in time. Within the fire were other words, verses half hidden amid the paints.  
  
Music drifted out comfortingly from the radio and Ryou smiled, closing his eyes and listening to the soothing rhythm of notes heralding a song's beginning. He hummed with it for a moment before letting his body sway gently and gave in to the urge to dance to the music. He turned around gracefully, moving deftly to the music only to bump into something warm and firm. "You like this song?" a dark voice laughed.  
  
*And I want a moment to be real  
Want to touch things I don't feel  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong  
And how can the world want me to change  
They're the ones that stay the same  
They don't know me  
'Cause I'm not here*  
  
Ryou felt himself blush with embarrassment when he looked up to see Bakura smiling down at him in amusement. He stepped away, offering his yami an apologetic smile. "I've listened to this song a lot lately..." Ryou admitted, looking away as he felt his flush grow. "Kinda my new favourite. It's Michelle Branch..."  
  
Bakura gave a low laugh and turned around gracefully, stepping away with fluid movement associated with a dancer, or in his case, an expert thief. "Come dance with me," The dark spirit whispered breathlessly, extending a hand out to the boy who held his very soul. Ryou looked hesitantly at the arm held out for him before letting his eyes find their way up to his yami's face and was mildly surprised to find no malice or trickery there - just a tenderness that only appeared in very rare moments. Bakura offered a small smile and stretched his hand out a bit further, silently offering his request again. Ryou reached out, laying his hand in the one offered to him, and Bakura wrapped his fingers around the delicate hand placed in his trust. He raised his arm, pulling Ryou gently to him and wrapping an arm about his waist. Ryou giggled and put his hand on Bakura's shoulder. The ancient spirit laughed smoothly, tightening his hold around the youth's body so they were pressed together, and began leading him in a leisurely dance.  
  
#Sitting at my window  
Listening to those old love songs  
Thoughts of you plaguing my mind  
Can hardly think straight when you're gone  
How did I end up like this  
Lovesick over a single being  
But all I know...  
Is that I need you around  
To fill this song with blissful sound  
  
This torture of confusion consumes me  
Can't find the right path to take  
The passion I feel for you surrounds me  
I can't see the right decision to make  
All I can see...  
Is my love for you  
And my pleas for all my wishes to come true#  
  
Bakura let his mind drift along with the words of the song. They seemed to suit his mood so perfectly. He looked down at the boy in his arms. Ryou's lips were turned up in a shy and peaceful smile; his eyes were distant and gazing away into space, running over the song's lyrics in his head as well. Bakura felt his heart sigh in his chest as he gazed at him; he couldn't compare it to anything he'd felt before. It was like he was about to die, and in that last peaceful moment before falling asleep he had made his peace with the world. The whole world was turning over. Peace... He had forgotten what it felt like. But this was more then peace - this was contentment, just a frail yet beautifully moving image of a moth drawn irresistibly to the flame. Only this time when he touched it, the flame didn't burn him, it took shelter in his arms and held him back. He pulled Ryou a bit closer, terrified to think how close he had come to putting the flame he loved so much out forever. Bakura chewed on his lip thoughtfully and looped a bit of Ryou's hair around his finger.  
  
#I wish to see your smile  
Hear your sweet voice  
Feel your arms around me  
Holding me tight  
Your soft whispers  
Telling me that what I feel is right  
  
This torture of confusion consumes me  
Can't find the right path to take  
The passion I feel for you surrounds me  
I can't see the right decision to make  
All I can see...  
Is my love for you  
And my pleas for all my wishes to come true#  
  
Ryou raised his head, looking up into the sharp dark eyes of his other half as they made another circle in their dance. Ryou smiled shyly and glanced downwards, away from the affectionate gaze placed on him. He wasn't used to this kind of attention. "You ever wonder about the way things work out?" he asked in such a soft voice Bakura could barely discern it.  
  
"What do you mean?" Bakura asked with slight smile, taking Ryou's hand and holding it above their heads. Ryou gave a small amused laugh and spun a circle underneath the outstretched arm before allowing himself to be pulled back into the embrace, still holding Bakura's hand.  
  
"Just two hours ago, we could barely look at each other straight, but then... Well... Look at us."  
  
Bakura smirked slightly, continuing to lead their dance across the bedroom floor. "Yeah... It's funny..." He said vaguely, losing himself once more in his hikari's warm chocolate eyes. He could almost see the swirls of colour in them, the dim colours created in his mind by the emotions and secrets they kept. He let himself search for each of them, but for the first time never looked for it in his little angel's mind. He put faces to colour, stories to name, reaching across the elegant light that bound them together by the wrists of their souls, heart to heart. It was something he'd never really tried to do before. //I can see it,// he whispered breathlessly.  
  
/See what?/ came the soothed replied.  
  
//The notes, the way they flow... how they come into your heart. It's your music... I can see it in your eyes. It speaks from your soul. You have a beautiful heart...//  
#Time is running short  
I'm killing myself with doubt  
These rocky paths are making me stumble  
Can't find my way out  
Can't find my way to your heart  
  
This torture of confusion consumes me  
Can't find the right path to take  
The passion I feel for you surrounds me  
I can't see the right decision to make  
All I can see...  
Is my love for you  
And my pleas for all my wishes to come true#  
  
There was a moment of beautiful silent between them, Bakura simply stared, taking in every detail of Ryou's face to memory. Etching it there so he could reach back and remember exactly what he looked like at that exact moment in time. He shifted his hand slightly, pressing it palm to palm and finger to finger with Ryou's and turned his head slightly, marvelling at how Ryou's hand seemed smaller against his, and how his own skin seemed just a bit darker.   
  
*And you see the things they never see  
All you wanted - I could be  
Now you know me  
And I'm not afraid*  
  
He curled his fingers around his hikari's and brought the boy's fingers to his lips kissing them gently, catching Ryou's eyes again. Ryou smiled and gave a small sigh. "Yami? I think..."  
  
"Shhh...." Bakura in a low husky voice, pressing his finger to Ryou's lips then leaned down and kissed the finger "...just dance..."  
  
#All I can see... Mmmm Yeah.  
Is a picture of you with me  
And a song with no words  
Singing my love beautifully...#  
  
The song trailed off into an ending and for a moment they just stood silently, staring at each other. Bakura shoved his hands into his pockets, taking up his regular casual stance and carefully examining a nonexistent stain in the carpet. Ryou smiled in his gentle way and glanced behind his yami to look once more at the images covering the wall. "When did you do these? I was looking at them... It wasn't done when I was here yesterday," Ryou said, walking toward the paintings in an effort to distract them from the strange silence.  
  
"I started them the other day," Bakura replied, looking the paintings over, "just after I ran into you on the street. I haven't painted or written since I was around fifteen, but Malik thought I should take it up again. Something about it clearing my head. I think he was right."  
  
"They're amazing," Ryou acknowledged, letting his eyes follow the intense colours.  
  
"You like my work?" a breathless voice whispered in his ear. Ryou felt a warm thrill travel down his spine as strong arms wrapped around his waist. He nodded, feeling all words leave him and swallowing.  
  
"I like this one," he said softly, letting his fingers run across the wings of the heartbroken angel and the child in his arms. "What is it?"  
  
"Hell." Bakura answered, nuzzling against Ryou's hair, delighting in its softness and the way it seemed so cool against his skin.  
  
"Who are these people?"  
  
"Those who are trapped there... and those who keep them there." Bakura told him, looking at the picture thoughtfully. Ryou nodded and leaned back into the arms around him, his eyes scanning the picture and trying to put names to the faces - the angel and the child, but he could think of no one with short ragged white hair and a scarred face. Bakura merely hmmed thoughtfully at the image.  
  
*And I want to tell you who I am  
Can you help me be a man?  
They can't break me  
As long as I know who I am*  
  
Ryou reached out once more, touching the scarred figure thoughtfully. "Watch your arm." Bakura smirked, breaking Ryou's thoughts and Ryou cast his yami a glance.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"The ink is wet," Bakura replied, stepping away and gesturing to Ryou's sleeve, which had been smudged with brown and a tinge of avocado green from the figure's cloak. Ryou gave a slight thoughtful noise, looking at the splash vivid colours against the white of his shirt.  
  
"Beginnings..." he muttered distantly.  
  
"Excuse me?" Bakura said, raising a brow in curiosity.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," Ryou apologized, quickly turning from staring at the colours. "It's just... that shade of green is supposed to symbolize beginnings."  
  
"Oh..." Bakura commented and ran a hand through his hair, for once in his life finding himself at a loss for words. What do you say to someone after putting them through a month... scratch that, more like six years of hell and you're trying to rebuild something that had never really existed? The irony wasn't lost on Bakura. "Here," He said finally, holding out his hand. "I'll wash it, or that ink will never come out." Ryou blinked in surprise for a moment before Bakura rolled his eyes. "Trust me. I've become an expert at getting that shit out of clothes. Now, are you going to give me your shirt or stand there like a moron until the sun comes up?" Ryou shook his head, reluctantly removing his shirt and tossing it to Bakura. "There, that wasn't so hard." Bakura walked into the bathroom just outside the room, filled the sink with hot water and started to rub the ink steadily out of the delicate fabric.  
  
"Hey, yami?" Ryou called out.  
  
"Yes?" Bakura answered, lazily wrapping the fabric around his fingers and scrubbing the stained material against itself.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Bakura paused, wondering why those two word moved him so much and if it would have the same effect if it were someone else. "Your welcome." he answered finally and let himself smile at nothing.  
  
*And I want a moment to be real  
Want to touch things I don't feel  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong  
And how can the world want me to change  
They're the ones that stay the same  
They can't see me  
But I'm still here*  
  
Bakura dropped the shirt into the water and rinsed it clean. He hung it over the rail of the shower to dry before returning to the bedroom to find Ryou still examining the painting. He stood in the doorway for a minute or two, admiring how beautiful his light looked, standing shirtless in the dim light of the room caught up in reading the verses on the wall.  
  
"What a scene... What do you need... Think about me... You wrote all of these?" Ryou asked, looking over the verses, completely sincere.  
  
"Never thought I was a poet, huh?" Bakura smirked.  
  
Ryou laughed a bit. "They're not poems, yami."  
  
Bakura gave him a look. "Then what are they? Postcard messages? That's how I've written ever since I was little."  
  
Ryou laughed and turn his head to glance at his dark as he came up beside him. "They're songs. See? You repeat things, in a set rhythm. That makes them verses." Bakura raised a brow at his hikari. Ryou just smiled sweetly and went on, "Here, I'll show you." He grabbed his guitar case and laid it on the floor, opening it up and removing his guitar. He sat down, resting the instrument in his lap. "Pick one of your verses." Bakura looked at him thoughtfully, then turned back to his mural, skimming the words thoughtfully until he found one that he liked.  
  
"This one." Bakura said, laying a finger on the lines.   
  
"What's it called?"  
  
Bakura shrugged. "Smash, I suppose... seems to fit." He felt the warmth of the link pass between them and he opened up his thought for his hikari, showing him exactly the rhythm that the poem followed and letting his memorize the words.  
  
"I can work with that…" Ryou said thoughtfully, more to himself then Bakura and started plucking the strings on his guitar, fooling around with a few cords for a few minutes.   
  
Bakura sat down at Ryou's feet and rested his head on Ryou's lap, listening to him work. Ryou laughed slightly, looking down at his yami who was tracing lazy circles with his finger over Ryou's bare feet. Bakura raised his head slightly, stray white hairs falling across his face as he looked up at Ryou. He folded his arms across Ryou's knees, staring up at the boy intently, lost in gazing at his angel. He slowly raised his hand to brush it against Ryou's cheek, admiring the softness of his skin. "Soft..." he whispered thoughtfully, "like flower petals..." Ryou closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, smiling. Bakura ran his fingers down Ryou's cheek to his lips. "Yes, that's it... gutterflower."  
  
"Gutterflower?" Ryou questioned, opening his eyes and looking at his yami with a loving gaze. Bakura smiled affectionately, cradling Ryou's cheek in his hand.  
  
"My gutterflower… something in such a desolate place, but still you survive and still so delicate. That's what you are… a flower that blooms in the most unexpected places…"   
  
Ryou smiled tenderly, touched by the words and leaned over his guitar, kissing the top of his yami's head. "Thank you." Bakura simply gave a contented smile and lowered his hand then rested his head on Ryou's lap again, looking blissfully peaceful.   
  
"I have it." Ryou said proudly, after another few minutes of playing with random notes.   
  
"Let's here it." Bakura responded, sitting up on the bed beside Ryou.  
  
"Hey...what are you thinkin'?  
I tried to read your face.  
Say...say what you're thinkin'  
Don't carry round that pain...  
Every time I see you pickin' at yourself~  
I love...I love when things work out.  
Ya, every time I see you torturin' yourself~  
I love...I love when things work out.  
And I see it from another place right now,  
I'm comin' home before I hit the ground  
Right back where I want to be right now  
Smash  
And I feel it.  
Smash  
And I feel it,  
Right now…"  
  
Bakura smiled vaguely, as the lyric finished and rested his head against Ryou's bare shoulder, content to just rest there and listen to the music as his light ended the song. "I like that." Ryou said at last with a nod of his head, "we make a good team, your lyrics and my music."  
  
Bakura chuckled "Your welcome to any of the writings on my wall, if you want them." he raised his head and glanced at the ink pen on the bedside stand then at Ryou's back before grabbing it and artistically scrawling his name in twisting letters on Ryou's shoulder. Ryou glanced back over his shoulder, curious as to what his yami was doing to him.   
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
Bakura shrugged and stated, "I'm impulsive." He looked at his name; it just looked like it belonged there, but something was missing. He picked up his box of inks and cracked it open, mixing the colours he wanted then taking the brush and tracing some basic lines on Ryou's back.  
  
Ryou laughed when he realized what his yami was doing. "What are you painting?" he asked, trying to look over his own shoulder.  
  
"I don't know," Bakura answered as he raised his brush again, dragging the colour across the pale skin, causing Ryou to twitch a bit.  
  
"It's cold..."  
  
"It'll warm up in a minute," Bakura assured him and continued to work, enjoying the way the designs of his own mind looked so at home on Ryou's back. He mixed a dark green and started to give shape to the idea in his head. The rich colour looked good against Ryou's smooth skin and he found his mind wandering back to what Ryou said about the colour. New beginnings... The ironic thought struck him again, to rebuild something that never really had existed. 'No, not rebuilding something...' Bakura corrected himself as he looked at the colour that shone so well on the pale skin. 'Building something new, starting over from scratch... A new beginning on a clean canvas.'  
  
*They can't tell me who to be  
'Cause I'm not what they see  
Yeah, the world is still sleepin' while I keep on dreaming for me  
And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe...*  
  
  
"How long will this take?" Ryou asked, glancing backward.  
  
"You don't mind, do you?" Bakura responded with a question, starting to mix a sunset orange in his tray.  
  
"Oh, no." Ryou said, shaking his head with a smile. "If feels nice... Really soothing. I don't mind at all. But I can make it a bit easier for you."  
  
"How so?"  
  
Ryou waited until he felt Bakura raise his brush from his shoulder before leaning forward to lay his guitar on the floor. Then, carefully so as not to smudge any of his yami's work, he stretched out facedown on the bed. He folded his arms under his chin and glanced up at the ancient boy beside him, pulling his long hair out of the way for the artist. "Better?"  
  
"Much." Bakura whispered gently and leaned over, tracing a line of kisses down the back of his hikari's neck and across his shoulder. Ryou smiled and purred at the touch. "I like this," Bakura said huskily, nuzzling Ryou's hair. Ryou giggled softly and Bakura planted a quick kiss on his cheek before sitting up and starting to work again. "Arms at your side," Bakura commanded, tapping Ryou's elbow with the back of his brush, "or the picture on your shoulder blade will be lopsided." Ryou obeyed and Bakura offered him a pillow to lay his head on instead.  
  
*And I want a moment to be real  
Want to touch things I don't feel  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong  
And how can you say I'll never change  
They're the ones that stay the same  
I'm the one now  
'Cause I'm still here  
  
I'm the one  
'Cause I'm still here  
I'm still here  
I'm still here  
I'm still here*  
  
  
Time moved by in a lazy fashion. Ryou drifted in and out of a semi-conscious state of bliss. His mind wandered down paths of elapsed dreams and wishes now slowly being rekindled by a flame he had forgotten he harboured inside of himself, lulled by the steady movement of the brush against his skin. He smiled as he thought about how gentle his yami was being - sitting patiently, adding more depth to the painting both real and reflected with each loving stroke. Careful and patient, the art brought out the best in the both of them, Ryou supposed.  
  
//Ryou?//  
  
/Mmm...?/  
  
//I'm finished.//  
  
Ryou blinked his eyes open, figuring he must have fallen asleep. He fought the urge to stretch so as to keep from accidentally ruining all of his dark's work. "Can I look now?" he asked with a smile.  
  
"Go ahead, just be careful getting up. Some spots aren't dry," Bakura answered with a soft smile as he started to put the inks away. Ryou sat up slowly and craned his neck so that he could see his back in the dresser mirror. For a moment he was totally speechless. "Like it?" Bakura asked, looking at the mirror so he could see what Ryou saw.  
  
"It's beautiful," Ryou breathed, gazing at the intense colours that created the image. Its detail was amazing and Ryou had no trouble discerning what he was seeing. He felt a smile cross his lips, touched by his yami's gesture. The picture was of the two of them as they had been a few hours before, dancing in each other's arms. The fabric of their clothes was ruffled and their hair slightly twisted, as if they were caught in mid-movement, and behind them stretched a desert landscape shaded by the blacks, purples and reds of a sky at the very depths of twilight. In the dying sunlight at the very edge of the painting stood two lone figures; they were small and easy to miss but had enough detail that Ryou could recognize them from Bakura's painting of hell. The cloaked man with the scarred face stood in the distance, walking away and fading into the light as if willingly walking to his own death, and the dark shrouded figure that stood in the shadows of the last picture seemed to also be disappearing fading into the darkness left by the setting sun. The dancing couple didn't notice or care; they danced on, oblivious. He was smiling shyly with a blush on his cheek, while his yami had painted himself as looking flirtatious. Though it was hard to read in the mirror, in the upper corner was written a new poem. The title marked on it read "I'm still here".   
  
"I love it." Ryou smiled and threw him arms around Bakura's neck, hugging him tightly. Bakura laughed and ran his fingers through Ryou's hair. "Just one thing."  
  
"Yes, koi?" Bakura smiled down at him.  
  
"Who is the man in the cloak? I saw him in your painting over there, too." Ryou motioned to the painted wall, and Bakura smirked.  
  
"Don't you recognize him? Or has he changed that much?"  
  
Ryou examined the figure carefully. Scarred face, roughly cut white hair, sharp angry brown eyes... "It's you..." he breathed.  
  
"Who else would it be?" Bakura replied, trying not to sound too sarcastic.  
  
"But your face!" Ryou gasped, "And your hair!" He looked up at his yami.  
  
"The way I looked in Egypt..." Bakura started thoughtfully. "Exactly the same as I appear now, only with shorter hair and that nasty scar." He subconsciously raised a hand to his right cheek. "I'm glad you didn't have it. It would be a really bitch to have that back."  
  
"How'd you get it?" Ryou asked, partially thankful his yami didn't have it anymore. Then he smiled, realizing it didn't really matter. Chances were he would still be stuck loving him. Ryou snuggled a bit closer to him, enjoying the warmth he felt from his dark against him. There were more blessings than curses attached to being in love.  
  
"That's a story for another day," Bakura replied, smoothing Ryou's hair. "We're both in a good mood and it would be a shame to ruin that. It's so peaceful tonight, with just the two of us. My world is such a dark place without you in it... So let's enjoy it before the real world comes to take you away from me."  
  
"Never," Ryou whispered, pulling away and looking up at Bakura. "Why would I go away again, when it's been a perfect hell trying to come back?"  
  
Bakura took Ryou's face in hands and pressed his lips to his light's forehead. "In case you've forgotten, hikari, you're a star now. When your album comes out... " he trailed off.  
  
"It means nothing," Ryou told him gently, taking hold of his yami's wrist. "Can we not think about it? The album hasn't even been fully written yet. We don't know how anything will turn out, but I do know that I want you there with me. I can't do this without you." Bakura looked at his hikari intently, watching the fear cross his face and feeling the tension in his own mind dissolve. He ran his thumb across the boy's cheek and Ryou sighed, closing his eyes and relaxing at the touch. Bakura felt his heart skip beats just looking at the younger boy who seemed so resigned.  
  
"Ryou..." he cooed gently, running his fingers across his hikari's jaw line to tilt his head up, then leaned down and captured his lips in a tender kiss. Bliss ensnared him as Ryou's arms wrapped around his shoulders, falling into the embrace and returning the kiss with the same gentle affection. He let his fingers tangle in Ryou's hair, simply enjoying the way he tasted and the way the arms around his neck and the lips on his seemed to burn. He moved his arms down to snake around Ryou's waist, falling back into the bed and pulling his light down on top of him. Ryou laughed, their kiss temporally broken. Bakura just looked up at him and chuckled, smoothing stray locks of hair back behind Ryou's ear. Ryou rested his forehead against his dark's. "Yami?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Never let me go..."  
  
"Never." Bakura laughed lightly and kissed his hikari's lips gently. "Gutterflower..." he whispered, "My very own. I love you, Ryou... Always know it. Everything I've ever done has somehow come back to you."  
  
  
Ryou smiled, planting a kiss on his yami's lips. "Love you too..." Bakura wrapped his arms around Ryou, running a line of kisses from Ryou's lips to his neck, pulling his light close to him. Ryou sighed and relaxed, falling into the warmth between them. Bakura dragged his fingers down Ryou back as their lips met again, the edge of the painting under his fingers chipped with the pressure of his touch. The very edge crumbled away, erasing the figure who loomed so ominously in the background as if he had never been there at all and what was fading, vanished completely...  
  
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~  
  
Dated:  
August 16... I think. I was never good at these modern dates... the moon is in its first quarter on the east horizon. I think that makes it August 16.  
  
Stardust Goddess has released their debut CD. It's already gone platinum, which is amazing - so many people love the song Here is Gone. Big Machine and What a Scene have been hits as well. Ha! My song! I rule! Ryou wasn't joking when he said we made a good song writing team. He asked me what I thought they should call it and I told him they should call it "Gutterflower" since it's an echo of everything that's gone on between us. Much to my surprise, he did. So Stardust Goddess' album Gutterflower is now on the shelves of every music store from here to New York. This will be the last writing on my Bristol board wall... Ryou bought me a full art set with which to indulge in my obsession and I've found someone who needs these inks more then I do. If they helped me, surely to Ra they can help him. But I couldn't let them go without writing this one last message:  
  
Ryou, you are my angel, my everything, my very soul. I know that I've been so cruel to you and I can never make up for all those years, but I can try. Somehow, you forgive the fact that I'm short-tempered and have a stubborn streak a mile long. I can never thank you enough for the fact that no matter what I've done or where I've been you let me crawl back to you. Ra knows I'd be a lost cause without you to give me a reason to keep going and still be me. So when you read this, (and I know you will, because you always love reading the things I've written on here - yes, I caught you looking!) I hope you remember that although I never say it, I do love you. Anyway, you're turning me into such a sap, so I think I should stop this now. I'll leave you with this message, My light, my other half, my love, my gutterflower. I found it enlightening myself:  
  
There are some qualities- some incorporate things,   
That have a double life, which thus is made   
A type of that twin entity which springs   
From matter and light, evinced in solid and shade.   
There is a two-fold Silence- sea and shore-   
Body and soul. The light one dwells in lonely places,   
Newly with grass o'ergrown; some solemn graces,   
Some human memories and tearful lore,   
Render him terrorless: his name's "No More."   
He is the corporate Silence: dread him not!   
No power hath he of the evil in himself;   
But should some urgent fate (untimely lot!)   
Bring thee to meet his shadow (nameless elf,   
That haunteth the lone regions where hath trod   
No foot of man,) commend thyself to God!  
  
- Edgar Allan Poe (appropriate for us, no?)  
  
  
~singed yours truly;   
the egocentric tomb-robber.  
  
a.k.a. Yami Bakura 


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